Unsupportive Siblings

Hello,

I am trying to get better and focus on the positives, working with my odds as appose to being against them, heck, even people I have met outside of my family are WAY MORE supportive than my two ugly sisters.

One wants to work in the clinical psych sector - I cannot imagine how, as she is a controlling individual who often makes me out to be a bad person because of my obvious shifts in moods - from depression to lots of energy and back again, and when I feel unsupported or 'hated' in any case, I obviously get upset.- That emotion of life is normal in my opinion.
Lately I have made special efforts to be 'nice and normal' to her, as she is sensitive too, ignoring her hypocrisy beyond belief.
She has a very judgmental personality, and my other sister is even worse in this aspect of her character, both often team against me and deliberately ignore me, alienate me, or say nasty things subtly and show evident disdain for me and my issues.

I think these two girls have always expected people to grovel to them for forgiveness and their self worth has been elevated in their eyes, by my stupid dad, who blows flowers out of his own *** (metaphorically speaking).

So, conclusively: trying to get better, trying to stay positive, trying to follow a strict diet for a while to help lift the depression and anxiety with meds, one family member is supportive and the other three are the most hypocritical people ever.

Any suggestions with how to deal with these idiots would be greatly appreciated.

My only suggestion is to try to practice emotional detachment from them so you don't suffer from emotional turmoil and resentments when they behave in ways you don't like.

And maybe try working on accepting them as they are -- flawed humans who are not going to be there for you -- and then going on with your life trying to get the support you want from other sources, improving your own lot and taking care of yourself as best as you can.

If I waited for my siblings to support me, I'd be waiting forever. My personality and lifestyle offend them. I live differently than they do and I happen to like my life, but they can't imagine anyone with values so different from theirs. So it goes.

They're the way they are and I'm the way I am and I have no desire at all to conform to the family values I fled from as soon as I graduated from high school.

I became a lot happier within myself and stopped feeling hurt when I finally decided to just accept that I was never going to get support from them, no matter what I did. So I stopped trying. It's been okay ever since then.

But it didn't happen over night. It took a couple years to learn how to detach emotionally without being critical or to accept them as they are without some internal demand that they should be different. As a result, I could feel the love that was always there inside me and feeling love and acceptance feels a whole lot better than feeling hated and rejected.

I hope you work this out and can learn to stop resenting your sisters and father for not supporting you. I'm sure you don't to conform or bow down to them or be like them. So just let go of it all and accept that they don't know how to support a free spirit like yourself and you really will start feeling better.

Yes, I agree with SnakeCharmer. Just play keep-away from those who aren't in your camp. If they say anything, respond with your opinion of the current weather Don't take what they do/do not do or say to heart.

Thank you, now there is a definite goal and task to proceed with in blocking out these attachments. I was not sure whether this was acceptable in this instance considering they are my blood sisters and should be more than supportive. Oh well Snake as you said, you've also gone through it and gosh knows how many others. I feel resentment because they are forcing me into this, but you are right, number one is important right now, conscientiousness can take a back seat for these two, maybe three, working on my dad I don't want to regret not talking to him when it's too late.

Genius! Make them feel equally as frustrated it sure will. Most importantly though, remaining a happy camper, thank you very much!

I come from a long line of idiots; a real damaged bunch who won't address anything. They are not going change. I've tried to improve these relationships only to feel bereft. T told me to stop banging my head against the wall and it will stop hurting. So, the strategy I/we have devised is to purely keep a safe distance and minimize contact. It is working, but it makes me so sad. I have to maintain my sanity and that, I am just realizing, is more important and very valuable. "Those who make your angry control you"......I just saw that on a billboard today. It's totally sucks now being an "only child". Someday, I hope to find heathy connections to satisfiy this major loss. It's actually like a mourning process.

I don't know your age, but when my sister and I were younger, say up to about mid 40s, we were at odds over just about everything. (There were real reasons that I won't go into now). With life experience and age we both sort of mellowed, and get along better now than we ever did before. She is supportive of me in my illness and knows more about me than anyone else. It's nice to be able to call my sister my friend also. My advice would be to try to have a relationship with them but keep your distance. Realize their problem with you is just that: their problem, not yours. I hope things get better soon.

Sorry to hear you've had 'real' problems with your sister, I think that the extent to which my sisters' attitude hurts me inside makes the problems between us three very real.

I think in this case trying to force any sort of relationship with my sister will not work, and just have to accept the odds, thank you for sharing

You must do what feels right to you. In time, you all might find a new appreciation for each other, but for now, protect yourself.

Often, I feel that i'm totally in the wrong and insane about it all until recently, my sister's are completely happy to let me believe this too, just to cover their own flaws- which i would totally respect them for if they were just honest. I'm starting to think they believe emotions and compassion are a sign of weakness and it is so sad.

Good luck with your search for peace on the issue and for your advice

This topic is a tough one for me as well. I know my brothers love me...but we never learned how to be very supportive of eachother. We were left to sink or swim by my father. My brothers show a very strong, supportive relationship with their families...but when it comes to me...their heads are in the sand. I think it is too painful for them. I have learned to accept it...but it's still painful. Blood really does not mean anything - there is no "should". You learn to pick who you want in your life.

One day maybe my brothers and I will let our hair down and really talk... I know how to do that - but they cannot handle it at this point.

May you find a few really great people who just love you for you.

It's such a shame, blood really doesn't mean anything, my dad makes them believe that they are above others and it just shows.

I find the whole attitude aggressive and it upsets me, I have always tried to find people to confide in but they have ended up being not so trustworthy.

Thanks for sharing

I "get it". I have made some mistakes in picking "friends". I also know I am not very forgiving. Looking back - I do not regret those relationships.. I guess you just learn.