[Brasucasulu]

I've been dating my boyfriend for over 2 years. He started talking about getting married but our relationship has several issues. He's from South Africa.
Although he says that he loves me, I realized that he never posted any pictures from me on his Facebook (he has a lot with his ex wife though). I've been to his country last year on vacation and he went to see some of his friends. He asked me to stay home with his parents because he wanted to go alone.
He's planning a new trip for Xmas and he asked me please to understand that he has to go to another city to see his friends. He said he cannot take me with him because if they see me they will stop speaking to me. The reason is because I'm Brazilian and mixed race (black, white and indigenous). He said that they will not accept him as their friends anymore if they find out that we are together. He also said that I shouldn't tag him of Facebook because they can see it.

[atomicc]

Hello and welcome to PC! I am sorry to hear your boyfriend has said things like that to you, that must be very hurtful to hear. Have you tried speaking to him about this? There is no reason he should be ashamed of you, no matter your race. If his friends have a problem with this then they are not friends he should have.
I hope you can work this out with him and that he can see that he is hurting you by taking on his friend's racism.

[jimmy rich]

Originally Posted by Brasucasulu

He said that they will not accept him as their friends anymore if they find out that we are together. He also said that I shouldn't tag him of Facebook because they can see it.

Sorry about this but, I would NOT put up with any of that for a second. My partner would have to choose me over their "friends" or I'd be GONE! I think you deserve BETTER treatment!
good luck,
jim

[Yoda]

Wow, he sounds like a real douche bag.

Dump him, honey, he isn't worthy of you. He has zero respect for you and anyone else that isn't him, I think.

I am sorry you have been treated so badly and I hope you can find someone who will treat you well.

[ChildlikeEmpress]

Oh my goodness, you totally deserve better than this guy. A good guy will never be ashamed of your race, even if his own family is racist. A good guy would dump his racist friends for your sake. What your boyfriend is doing is so hurtful and disrespectful.
He doesn't deserve you and he is not a good man to be in a relationship with. Hugs to you!

[unaluna]

The hankster is speechless. Also she isnt buying the boyfriend's story. Is this a long distance relationship? I think he has another girl (or guy) on the side. The racism story is bogus. Imho.

[Teacake]

Originally Posted by hankster

The hankster is speechless. Also she isnt buying the boyfriend's story. Is this a long distance relationship? I think he has another girl (or guy) on the side. The racism story is bogus. Imho.

The hankster is probably right. The other girl may well be the "ex-wife" whose picture graces facebook.

[ptangptang]

Jeez girl, why are you still with him.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Teacake

The hankster is probably right. The other girl may well be the "ex-wife" whose picture graces facebook.

Yep, yep....no holidays together. ..
'She's just got to understand' says he...

[healingme4me]

The race card is gotta be the most manipulative ones I've heard. Keeping her focused on that emotional piece, detours emotions away from the truth.

Keeps plenty of ex wife photos on fb?

And what's up with staying with his parents? ? What's that storyline from him?

It seems to me (ignoring the other possibilities) that this man is choosing his friends over you.

Do you see this relationship going anywhere?

Do you think he would marry you if he doesn't feel comfortable even introducing you to his friends now?

Throw in the family issues and is this a man you really want to be around?

It doesn't seem that he's treating you well at all.

[ChipperMonkey]

Any man who deserves to be in your life must embrace who you are and not try to hide you because he is ashamed or embarrassed (if that even is the real reason). You are worth SO much more! (I hope you can see that!) Please find the courage to leave him and find a new guy who will love you for exactly who you are and not try to hide you away.

[Brasucasulu]

Originally Posted by hankster

The hankster is speechless. Also she isnt buying the boyfriend's story. Is this a long distance relationship? I think he has another girl (or guy) on the side. The racism story is bogus. Imho.

I really wish you were right. Unfortunately. I have been living this hell for more than 2 years.

[lilypup]

Two years is more than enough time to waste on this guy. There's something wrong with a guy who has a girlfriend and won't show her off to his friends. He's emotionally abusing you and sounds like a control freak.
I know it's difficult to end things, but RUN!

[SnakeCharmer]

Brasucasulu, I'm speechless, too, just like Hankster. You deserve better. Plain and simple. It may be hard to break away, but this guy does not have your best interests at heart. He's treating you like a second class citizen. And that's wrong, all the way to core. Very very wrong.

The best that can be said about him is that he's a racist. The evidence seems to point to the idea that he may be a cheater who's playing the race card to cover up his scandalous behavior. Whatever the reason, his behavior is wrong and he is treating you badly.

Bottom line: You deserve better. I hope you have the strength to break away from him.

Omg that is so upsetting
I'm sorry but this sounds very ignorant of the party in question, if it's making you feel insecure then perhaps it best to confront him or question the relationship?

Sorry to hear this

[~Christina]

Drop kick him out of your life. Never settle, ever.

[shortandcute]

Why is he even with you then, if that is such an issue? Why are you with him?

[IrisBloom]

You deserve better, hon. It's been said that you need to put a price tag on yourself and don't give anyone a discount!

[Perna]

It does not sound like it can be a very fulfilling relationship for you. I would tell him you are sorry but he is putting too many of his conditions on your life and you cannot live that way.

[woundedsoul]

Seriously, has photos of ex wife on Facebook, but not you? Who does that? And better yet, what women puts up with that? Girl, dump his piece of $#¡+ a@@!! You deserve so much better than a guy like that! Why do you think that you have to limit yourself to someone who is going to treat you like you aren't good enough to be his girlfriend! Any guy that you are with should KNOW, that he should be thankful to have you! You need to tell yourself that. I think that you have lost your self-confidence, and you need to get it back. You are worthy of an amazing, wonderful, gorgeous guy, that treats you with lots of love, respect, dignity and like your a princess. He should always put you first, except for God, but you can put Him first together, (if you all believe in that, or whatever you believe in, I say live and let live, but you deserve to be treated like number 1, not number I forget. Don't settle for this douche bag! Find your prince girl, I had to kiss a thousand douche bags before I changed the type of men I was kissing, and then I finally found a real prince. Someone who treated me with respect, love, like an equal, he opens my doors for me, buys me beautiful things all the time, and he has always told me how beautiful I am, even when I was unhappy with myself because I had gained weight from trying to get pregnant, and taking all the fertility drugs. Boy, nobody tells you that the side effects of those can be huge weight gain until after you've already gotten fat! But, I just want you to do yourself justice, and get a great man who will treat you like a queen! Kick this no good douche to the curb where he belongs. Believe in yourself that you deserve better! !!

[possum220]

Drop kick him. You are wasting your time. Time to get happy, not get used.

[healingme4me]

If you can't be priority #1, then what's the point?

[Brasucasulu]

I love you message! You're so right! I'm so happy for you! You deserve it, because you seem an amazing person! Thanks so much!!

Originally Posted by woundedsoul

Seriously, has photos of ex wife on Facebook, but not you? Who does that? And better yet, what women puts up with that? Girl, dump his piece of $#¡+ a@@!! You deserve so much better than a guy like that! Why do you think that you have to limit yourself to someone who is going to treat you like you aren't good enough to be his girlfriend! Any guy that you are with should KNOW, that he should be thankful to have you! You need to tell yourself that. I think that you have lost your self-confidence, and you need to get it back. You are worthy of an amazing, wonderful, gorgeous guy, that treats you with lots of love, respect, dignity and like your a princess. He should always put you first, except for God, but you can put Him first together, (if you all believe in that, or whatever you believe in, I say live and let live, but you deserve to be treated like number 1, not number I forget. Don't settle for this douche bag! Find your prince girl, I had to kiss a thousand douche bags before I changed the type of men I was kissing, and then I finally found a real prince. Someone who treated me with respect, love, like an equal, he opens my doors for me, buys me beautiful things all the time, and he has always told me how beautiful I am, even when I was unhappy with myself because I had gained weight from trying to get pregnant, and taking all the fertility drugs. Boy, nobody tells you that the side effects of those can be huge weight gain until after you've already gotten fat! But, I just want you to do yourself justice, and get a great man who will treat you like a queen! Kick this no good douche to the curb where he belongs. Believe in yourself that you deserve better! !!

[Brasucasulu]

Originally Posted by shortandcute

Why is he even with you then, if that is such an issue? Why are you with him?

That's what I ask myself every morning. It will be over soon.