Crazy friend??

I met this woman at yoga studio. She seemed to be very laid back and zen. She is around her 60's,I'm on my 40's. We became friends and started walking in the beach and hanging out a lot. She has very few friend, although she knows a lot do people in our community.
I was nearly separated after 10 years relatioship and had a lot do men interested in dating me. She was trying to get over her break up, her lover left her like 4 years ago. She was very sad and a little obessesed with the man.
I asked her for some advice.

I was talking to a guy who lives in the town were I used to live. I met him through my ex. I really liked him and we communicated many times a day. One day out of the blue, this lady asked me: are you sure he isn't spying you for your ex? They live in the same town.
The weekend after that she was telling me that one of the men on our yoga class liked me, that he was always kind to me,etc. she said, if I was you I'd be his lover. He's a very sucessful lawyer, he's is intelligent and attractive. I went for dinner with this man, but he is just not my type. I told my friend that we went for dinner. Like one week after that, I was leaving the gym and I got a call from her. She was very nervous and told me: don't sleep with that lawyer, he has HIV!
I was shocked! I didn't sleep with him, but I got shocked anyway.
I asked my friend how does she know that he has HIV. She said that she hasn't see any diagnose or test, but she remembers that he was very sick 10 years ago, and that he travel abroad for treatment. I got even more confused. I told her that it could have been anything else. She said, no it was HIV but he's fine now because he's rich and could afford the treatment.
My question is: why was he pushing me to someone she knew has a mortal disease. What friend would do something like that?
What can u do? Maybe stop being her friend?

My take is that I would not stop being her friend but I would take what she says with a grain of salt. You don't have to take what she says seriously but that doesn't mean you can't be her friend. She sounds like a busy body and gossip. Maybe she is not good as a super close friend but just a friend.

I wonder what is her problem. She works several hours. Usually go to bed around midnight and wake up at 5 am. I don't believe that she has time for thinking of gossiping. On the other hand, I met another man the other day. I don't like him at all. He's been asking me out, and I told her that he's annoying. She came and say: don't date him, I know his ex wife and she told me that he has herpes. We live in a very small place and for me her stories are getting to far.

To me she sounds a bit off but hey we all have own own quirks ... Who knows what the reason could be .But if you enjoy her company keep hanging out. Dont worry to much about her "advice" about men... She probably thinks she is doing your a wonderful service. You can use your own instincts about anyone to go out to dinner with.

Hmmm. Sounds kinda fishy to me. Why would she be saying these things and how would she know. Sounds like she needs support in her life. I wouldn't stop being her friend, but as others have said, take her advice with a grain of salt.

I really don't know why she comes up with all this ideas! She also showed me a picture on her ex's bbm profile. It was a picture of a very young women, what I believe it is his daughter. The woman in the picture looked Asian. She insisted that the woman was Dominican, as she believes he's dating a Dominican lady. I was confused as I was sure the woman in the picture looked Asian, and she was clearly a teenager.
Sometime after that, I found out that her ex was married to a Japanese lady, and has 2 daughters with her. So, that possible explains the picture.
My friend sometimes gets very upset because she can't understand why her relationship failed.
I tried to help but it isn't easy

I have known people who like to 'know' what is going on and who are often very wrong about their facts. I have an older neighbor who sometimes comes to very strange conclusions based on what she sees, but she passes her conclusions off as facts.

Instead of saying that she saw the police outside Mary's house, she says that Mary's son was arrested again for dealing drugs. If you knew Mary's son, that would be a reasonable assumption, but all that actually happened is that my neighbor saw a police car in the vicinity of Mary's house. Just as often as not, her assumption is wrong.

I wonder if your friend does the same thing, making incorrect inferences and then sharing them with you in an effort to be friendly?

I would just remember that she is probably sharing similar stories about you with other people!

I agree! The only thing that bothers me is the fact that she first tells me to date a guy, and then after she says that this same guy has HIV? So, she basically was trying to put my life in risk? Doesn't make sense for me. I would never tell a friend to go with someone who has a contagious mortal disease!

I really would gently move on from this friendship. It's fine to say hi in yoga class, but I would skip the long talks.
Now I'm assuming since you are on PC that you have some psych issues. In my case, this woman would be messing with my head too much. I don't need the drama.

So true!

I really think that she's crazy. It is making me feel so confused. She called last week and invited me for her friend's birthday at a villa on the beach. She said that it will be fun with all the girls and bla, bla. Few days before the date she told me that her friend invited some "unwanted people" and that she has to uninvite someone to this day, and that the person was me. She said I hope you understand but as he wants to invite other people I had to chose someone, and that it is you. I'm ok with it, I live walking distance to the beach, so that doesn't make a lot of difference for me. But it is just the way she says things.
They went to that birthday and when she came back first thing she did was calling me. She said that it was the worst day of her life, and came with a big story about how bad everyone behaved. She's so negative!

Wow! She is something else! I wonder if there even was a party or if it just took place in her imagination???? I'm not sure I'd even bother to say hi to her in class after a stunt like that.

Yes, there was a party! I know the other ladies, and I just got a little surprised with all her stories.
It hurts me her behavior. I think I have been a good friends for her. And I am sure that she also enjoyed my company. But I just believe she's toxic.
I met the "HIV" guy at the bank today. He talked to me and asked if I wanted to go for drinks. I said no thanks. He's a friendly person, but of course I know his intentions and only the idea that he could have HIV makes feel afraid of getting close to him. I don't have problem to be his friend, but nothing beyond that. And my crazy friend beg me not tell him about that, she said he's a very high layer and she cannot prove anything.

Does she seem very naïve? She might be getting her info from someone who's telling her things. Maybe she didn't "know" he had HIV until someone told her.

That's also a possible. Although I asked her how she got this information. She said she has no prove and she didn't have any diagnosis, but she remembers that he got very sick 10 years ago, and that he went abroad for treatment. She said he lost a lot of weight and started a healthy life style,since than. HIV is quite common here where we live.

I agree with lilypup in that I'd move away from this friendship. You don't necessarily need to cut ties with this friend, but I wouldn't be close friends with her as she sounds like a drama machine. And believe me when I say that you'll definitely get sucked deeper and deeper into her drama...this time was bad enough, but it can get much, much worse. I've cut ties with a number of dramatic people in my life and it is so nice living a much more peaceful existence.

I am afraid that she is a perturbed soul. Although she hides behind a zen and holistic mask.
She's has been doing some kind of healing session by Skype with a lady, I was there when she had some of the sessions. She seems quite obsessed with her ex. I don't even know if they really had a relationship. I think that it was more a sexual story than anything else.
I heard when she was saying that he was starting to feel better with herself, and that she thinks she was starting to accept that her "relationship" is over, and trying not to look for an answer why it didn't work. I felt really sorry for her

However, it is difficult for me to keep closer to her. She's just very embittered.

You have no reason to believe that she is right about the HIV. People don't typically go away for HIV treatment and then come back cured, do they?

In this case she said he had AIDS, I think she has no idea about HIV and AIDS difference. HIV infection has no symptoms until progresses toward AIDS.
I only feel very sad with this story. I am about to abandon my yoga class because I don't wanna see her.

Just a thought......you said she's in her 60's.....sometimes early onset dementia can start about that age....& it does take a very similar form starting out as to what you are experiencing with her.

No matter what the reason...I would definitely keep my distance from her as it's too difficult to tell what is & isn't the truth with people like that....best to stay away IMO.

Have had other people who are just drama queens who love to make up stories in their imagination & make them sound real because there is no way of actually proving or disproving what they say....which is why they can get away with it for so long

Thanks Eskie! You're so right! I Hope she doesn't have dementia, but I have already cut a little contact with her.

Would dementia progress in 3 years time? I know her for 3 years and noticed no changes she's been always like that. It might be something else. She's very obssessed with holistic and meditation. Maybe she's loooking for peace

I probably would have declared my space at the disinvite to the party. Maybe she doesn't want you happy and telling stories is a way to hold you back?
Maybe she's a pathological liar?

This is the same thought I've been having while going through this thread. I don't see it as coincidence that she is single and has been recommending these guys to you but always 'discovers' something 'wrong' with them to make you turn around.

From all you've said here this woman seems really bizarre and gives no clear, direct explanations for her behavior. You suspect she hasn't actually had a real relationship with this ex...well, if she isn't able to give details and be consistent in those details while actually making sense, it's very likely what you suspect is true.

Very strange that her only explanation for this has no solid proof; her telling you that she doesn't have any does not directly answer your original question as to where she got this idea from.

As for the thing with the party, it's possible that she said all of that to make you feel better about what she did...just a thought. As for the other women who were there, have you been able to talk to them to see how it really went and if what she has been telling you matches what they say? If I knew this woman I wouldn't trust her one bit. She seems to have a motive...and it clearly isn't a good one...

She's weird. I did ask someone and she said everything was ok.
The problem with her "relationship" is that the man was married. She said that the guy was separeted from his wife, and had 2 daughters, which is true, I know the guy. She said that he never wanted the relationship to be official, and she believes that he felt sorry for the wife. She also told me that they never could spend on Sunday together,as he went to a resort with the "ex" and the kids.
On the other hand, I asked about her to friend that I know had been working with her in the past. This lady told me that she doesn't know her, they only thing he remembers is that this lady had an affair with her friend's husband (that guy), but he wasn't faithful anyway.

Mayor he doesnt want to see other people happy.