Is dating different when you’re grieving?

After years single, I met someone online in mid-July. He dropped off after the 2nd date, I was upset, then he reappeared 3 weeks later, we met again, I was excited.

In mid-August, my grandmother that I had been very close to, passed away. I told him about it, and he was sympathetic which I appreciated. Ever since and until last weekend, he has been contacting me sporadically to go over to his house and spend the night. I saw things exactly for what they were but somehow it was like I had no emotions about it, I was glad to hear from him every time simply because he provided company rather than being all alone with the loss. Whenever he contacted me I’d go to his place without much thinking, like on autopilot. Last weekend though I ended it because his lack of caring was so apparent. It was like a quiet bell went off in my head at one moment, saying “okay, enough.” And still, no strong emotions, it’s like watching myself from a distance, everything is like in a fog.

This is unlike me. I drink a lot of beer; I spend time at bars a lot just to hear voices and laughter around me rather than being in the quiet house. She died here at home, in the next room. We loved each other so much. Things remind me of her suddenly, and I start crying. I wonder if dating in general is different when you grieve.

I am glad you ended it. I think that we are more susceptible to those kinds of situations when we are feeling low and lonely, so grieving would play into it. It sounds like you may be a bit depressed, which would be natural given the circumstances.

I am sorry about your grandmother's passing

Yes, I was so close to my grandmother...she was the mother I never had.
After my father died, I felt numb for a long time. I could have easily been taken advantage of. It might be a good idea to seek out girlfriends for a while till you feel stronger. Sorry for your loss.

Thank you. I have few friends and people in my life, unfortunately. My mother's around and grieving, too. I think I should join a support group, even an online one. I'm going to look.

I'm still grieving, over all my loss of my grandma since 2006, and I'm now afraid of losing my mom. I know when she dies, dating won't happen to a young guy like me.
I get tired being assumed weak for just grieving. I know exactly what you mean with the bars. I go to public places, walk in random places to take in the ambiance of the world around me just to escape the pain. I'm stuck in my head as well, and hope no one goes away, but I wish the best luck to you.

I was going to do the same thing last night with a girl I'm just friends with I may be dating. Also with my friends and girls I meet to drink and smoke hookah to chill with I was on autopilot it's a normal response. It's like to me, being a zombie an emotionless zombie, so put your body in a steroids of emotions back in you. You try to escape with anything that's close to intensity to just be a numbing of pain.

Grief is hard very very hard. I can't do it, I don't know many people can, but I commend you for staying true being mindful of yourself and your environment. Stay strong

Thank you so much and good luck to you also. Is your Mom okay?

Yes, she has some medical problems heart disease related stuff, and thyroid stuff from her stop taking care of her health. I don't care my mom is wayy over weight for her age. She just isn't healthy nor happy, she eats a lot gets sick a lot and gets mad about it. She's an awesome mom, I'd be devestated if she has a stroke or heart attack which is a possibility in her fifties. Even though she isn't helpful with me much on my issues, she is the closest thing to feeling safe and happy on living. When she's gone, that's it I'm truly alone and falling in love would be like experiencing the grief all over again.

Its happening now, and when girls say they want kids with me, it makes me so uncomfortable, because I was going to be a father 2 years ago of a beautiful baby girl. Now after finding out her abortion at the time, I feel like people are going too soon in a crucial time for me. I don't even want to fall in love, or date, or even meet more females to be anymore than flirtatious or just friends. If my daughter was alive 2 years old, she would of had medical complications her mother has a disability and wasn't able to carry her, my ex would of died from giving child birth. So it was hard on everyone.

I never wanted to be in that position again. I wasn't sad or angry my life might be over, or my ex would ruin my life using her. I'm devastated, she was thrown under the bus like me. So I'm one in the same with my child and I wish to been the mother not my ex.

So love is impractical and possible, but liking someone is so much harder and painful.

It is difficult not different especially when you have Asperger’s Syndrome, ADHD and OCD.

My best friend/girlfriend passed away in a car accident when I was only 17 and after that it was like every girl I got close to and wanted to date me didn’t want to have anything to do with me after they found out I had disabilities and I am not sure what was more funny to them, the fact I had disabilities or the fact my best friend passed away and I couldn’t get over it. I thought I must have got lucky with my best friend because she was the only one at the time (apart from my Sister) that accepted me for having disabilities and I would die alone but I’m married now to a very wonderful and understanding woman that has never judged me for having disabilities or having trouble moving on after losing my best friend.

I am sorry for your loss but just be careful because not everybody is as understanding of grieve and if you don’t feel like you are ready to date have some time to yourself and don't allow yourself to be pressured into dating again if you are not ready to.