Feel i need to change for love.

Every time I date someone or fall in love, I feel the need to do what they are doing or change to be what they are or are like. Almost like I want to be them. And by being them then they will love me as I love them. Think that makes sense.

Like if they are in college then I believe I have to be in college too or they won't love me. If they are exercising to build muscle then I need to or they will leave. It's almost like I believe I have to be more than what I am cause it won't be enough to keep them in my life.

I never felt this way before 28 year old. My last 5 year relationship ended and he told me I wasn't ambitious enough and said I was not good looking.

I'm just tired of feeling I won't be loved if I don't do what they are doing. I want to be me and be happy.

I'm a gay male, 36 years old and have bipolar manic-depressive disorder.

Any advise or insight?

Hello, ParanoidPizza, and welcome to Psych Central! I suspect you have come to be this way because of the reasons the guy gave for why he broke up with you. And fear, of course, that no one will like you for who you are. But as you see, it's pretty miserable feeling you can't be yourself!

I think it is important to have some interests in common, so you will enjoy being a couple, but not everything in common. I suggest you talk to the folks you meet about what they truly value and want you to do with them. And what you really enjoy doing and would like them to share in.

If this matter continues, then I think you would benefit from seeing a therapist to help you get your self-confidence back. And reduce your fear of rejection. Okay?

I believe some people are just downright, mean! Breaking up stinks, but character assassinations on top of it, says much about the other person. Sometimes, in breakups, it's easier to mudsling than to own up to the truth. He didn't have someone on the side, did he? Mainly ask, because sounds like a typical of that style of breakup, deflect from the truth type of tearing down of the broken hearted.

That said, Ive found with men, is that if I try to chameleon myself to them, they repel like magnets would. Plus, in just taking the mentality of love me as I am, or don't waste my time, works better in the long run. Not saying to be inflexible and uncompromising, just being yourself prevents being treated like a doormat.

Be yourself. I can honestly say that being unique has attracted WAY more guys than being a carbon copy of someone else. Having things in common is usually a good idea, but I think that differences are important too. I dated a guy who wanted to be involved in everything I was and wanted to get involved in my hobbies and interests, and it was suffocating! I have my own interests and I'm not looking for a tag along buddy whom I have to teach and will slow me down. It was annoying that he couldn't be his own person.

Be yourself. Develop your own hobbies and interests. It is attractive....being a copy just makes you look sad and pathetic. Do you have self esteem issues?

Thanks everyone. I appreciate the advice. I left out a lot of what was said to me, even being told it would have been easier if I had died rather than him having to leave me. Constantly told I was crazy on a daily basis.

Even at an event was told, filter yourself, wait no just don't talk.

TO make matters worse, just recently I lost my job which seems like it was over personality differences. I was called in the office and told that it was ok for ppl to treat me like I didn't belong because that's just life and ppl make clicks... O.o

My nephew thinks im awesome, but it makes me more sad that I relate to a 13 year old more than people my own age.