[dcs_no1_fan]

Hi I haven't posted in a long time but could really do with some help right now.

A male work colleague told me a few months ago there marriage was over and I told them I was sorry to hear that and I was there if they needed me, anyway some of my other work colleagues started talking nastily about him be hind his back so for a bit of fun we plotted to make out we were having an affair as I am married as well. One night while joking about it came out that he liked me for real but wouldn't do anything because I was happy with my husband but he didn't know I wasn't sure if I was starting to have feelings for him or not because if my phone went off I hoped it would be him so we met up for an hour and I knew from then I did. I always thought I was happy with my husband of 19yrs but I must not be as I am thinking of leaving him in the new year.

Anyway my question is would you say it is an affair or not all we have done is kiss, cuddle and hold hands please help I think it is an affair but he doesn't PLEASE help my head is so messed up right now. Sorry for the long post.

[hvert]

Yes, I think this is an affair, an emotional one at the very least. I would strongly consider going no contact with this guy -- if you thought you were happy for the first 19 years of your marriage, you probably were. It's hard for your marriage to compete with the emotional high of meeting someone new, but those 'new' feelings do wear off sooner or later.

[dcs_no1_fan]

Originally Posted by hvert

Yes, I think this is an affair, an emotional one at the very least. I would strongly consider going no contact with this guy -- if you thought you were happy for the first 19 years of your marriage, you probably were. It's hard for your marriage to compete with the emotional high of meeting someone new, but those 'new' feelings do wear off sooner or later.

Hi

I can not have no contact with him as we work together and have done for over the last two years I have never felt the way I do for him since when I met my now husband.
When ever my phone goes off I hope it is him no one else the same with hearing a car at work everything that happens with us just fits and feels so right I am soooo happy when I'm with him it's the hardest thing to do when it comes to the time we have to say goodbye my husband went away for a week in September and normally I would miss him like mad this time I was glad he wasn't here at home.

I REALLY fail to see the point in making this a poll.

Yes, you are cheating on your husband.

Yes, you CAN simply have a chat and end it right now.

All sorts of chemical happenings are going on in your brain right now. They will not stay there. When it all goes away, you will simply be a woman who left her husband (who you admit to being happy with) for another man.

It happens all of the time. Unfortunately.

[dcs_no1_fan]

Originally Posted by sophiesmom

I REALLY fail to see the point in making this a poll.

Yes, you are cheating on your husband.

Yes, you CAN simply have a chat and end it right now.

All sorts of chemical happenings are going on in your brain right now. They will not stay there. When it all goes away, you will simply be a woman who left her husband (who you admit to being happy with) for another man.

It happens all of the time. Unfortunately.

I didn't ask to be told off like a naughty school girl I asked for an option.
I have been thinking over the last couple of years about leaving my husband anyway due to things that have gone on with us but have chosen to stay with him for the sake of are children I have spoken to them in the past about this and they have said as long as I'm happy then they are.
The way I feel for my work colleague will not go away and nor will how he feels about me and has done for 18 mths now. I feel deep down that what we are doing is wrong but I also feel that finishing my marriage is the best option for myself and my husband if this doesn't work out for my work colleague and I then I will not look back and say how stupid I was for ending my marriage but look back on all the happy moments I had with both of them.
I feel doing this in the new year would be better as it is a couple of weeks from my youngest child's birthday and Christmas I want it to be filled with happiness not arguing.

[~Christina]

Maybe you could benefit from seeing a Therapist to help sort out all the feelings that are going on with you right now?

Take care with whatever you decide

You didn't ask for an option, you asked if I considered it an affair. And you asked for help.

I answered you.

Take care.

[Rose76]

Imagine that your husband was kissing and cuddling with a female co-worker of his. Would you regard that as anything? There is your answer right there. The word "affair" might not be the exact right word, but you do have a relationship with this male co-worker that is becoming increasingly intimate. That's not good for your marriage and it's terrible for your reputation at work. Stuff like this tends to get found out. There is a real chance that your male co-worker will even be the one to spread it around.

Even people who are very happily married are fully capable of "having feelings" toward others outside the marriage. It's then up to the person to decide what to do about it. By all means, get out of your marriage, if you don't want to be with your husband anymore. But don't assume that "having feelings" for a guy means you and that guy could have a great future together. The chances of that being true are, actually, pretty slim.

Here's another little tip I would offer. It's never appropriate for you to tell any male co-worker with marital problems that "I'm here for you." Better to just say, "Gee I'm sorry. That must be rough. I hope you find the right solution." Then change the subject. Lots of couples go through difficult times when they think their marriage is on the rocks, only to find that they end up staying together. People often manage to work things out. They need space to do that and as little kibbitzing from outsiders as possible. No matter what you think you know about this man's marriage, I promise you that you don't know the whole story.

Leave him to take care of his own problems, and you take care of yours. Start by taking care of your reputation. You'll be glad if you do.

[hvert]

Is your husband okay with this other guy?

I would be very, very careful. You could wind up losing your marriage and your job.

[Trippin2.0]

Of course its wrong.


You're breaking your vows firstly, and just because you're not having sex with your bf doesn't mean its ok.


Here's a clue; if you can't behave the way you do with this man(kiss, cuddle, hold hands) in front of your husband, then its wrong.