Have you ever been super attracted to a coworker?

Have you ever been super attracted to a coworker or business partner? How did you monitor your own behavior, if you did?

One thing that works for me, if it was someone else, would it be appropriate to say or do whatever it is you're about to do. Also as feelings can get in the way and mix thing up and take things out of context, would you feel that way if someone else did it?

That's a quick idea. Hopefully others will come up with more!

Hey Joe, I agree with the previous poster. Think about how you may feel if someone approached you for a date or told you they were attracted to you.
Sure it may feel or sound like a compliment but it could make the work place very uncomfortable.
Maybe a simple lunch with this person or making some small talk over coffee may be a way to spend time together and see how things go before you let them know anything that personal! Good luck

about 15 years ago I had the HUGEST crush on my boss's boss. I mean it felt like electricity if direct eye contact was made. I have never been so in lust in my life. I never acted on it because it was work and didn't want to lose my job or make things awkward. Fortunately for me he didn't have the same compunction.

Let me add some more detail. This coworker is married and I have zero intention of disrupting her marriage. I could NOT be more genuine about that. However, there are so many things about the way we interact, the stuff we have in common, and about her, that I cannot even begin to explain how much I would like to try having her in my life - in a non-romantic way. To this end, I would like to conceal my attraction and invite her into my life for a potential relationship of a different kind. I believe that attraction naturally wears off over time. Should that be true, we may be in the midst of developing a wonderful friendship or some kind of relationship (other than dating).

That, of course, means I need to guard myself. Advice welcome.

Edit: As far as gender's relevant, half the time people think I'm female or are unsure of my gender. It's embarrassing but relevant to societal gender roles/expectations. I think that could work to my advantage this time. (The out-of-control endocrine problem explains part of the sensitivity I've been having in other posts on here toward gender-related stuff. I hate this problem, but it might as well work for my benefit at least once!)

Yes, I married her, still together, different jobs now.

Lucky dude. Congratulations.

It would be my guess that the majority of people have, no matter which party is married or not.

But we are adults and we need to have some self-control, either because it would interfere with our work environment, or it would be morally wrong.

Personally, I think you are inviting trouble by wanting her in your life. I also think you are trying to convince yourself that it can remain a friendship.....

I think it's possible partly because I've had friendships and ongoing acquaintances that have developed out of an initial attraction that didn't last. Those were all different scenarios where I asked someone out and she wasn't attracted back and it just kind of evolved into a friendship. In those situations, I learned that I have excellent self control, that friendships can be very fulfilling, and that friendships often times last longer than romantic relationships.

I also have a tendency to protect people I like. This would include protecting them from making bad decisions or acting on destructive impulses like adultery. I take pride in doing the right thing, especially when it's not easy.

Yes, I've been attracted to a co-worker. It was back in the late 70's, and our social norms were a bit different then...."free love", etc. It was complicated by the fact that we were both married and had a daughter.

Fast forward to the present... We will celebrate our 38th anniversary next month. The girls have been best friends, like sisters, and we have amicable relationships with our ex's.

I know it doesn't always end this way, and getting involved with co-workers is not something I would recommend. We have been fortunate that it has worked out so well for us.

I would be reluctant to form a relationship with someone I was attracted to who was otherwise unavailable. I think attraction wears off more quickly once you are involved with someone - it can go on for years if it is unrequited with just a bit of hope or flirtation.

Why not wait for the attraction to go away and then form the relationship?

I had a crush on a coworker in a different office. We dated briefly, until I discovered what an ***** he was. Then our offices were consolidated and his office was right next to mine. He was the computer guy, and he was so passive-aggressive towards me after we split. It was a nightmare working with him!

So the moral of my story is to enjoy the fizzy feeling of attraction, but don't act on it. It's just not worth the pain later on!

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I had a job interview my first real job after HS back in the days .. and it was the "The boss " who was interviewing me for a job and the min. we met each other I had butterflies and my heart skip a beat and I didn't know what the heck was going on inside me but later on that day realize I had strong feelings for her . My first and last real lesbian crush . I fell head over heels for her we had a conection .
Long story short I ended up having a nervous breakdown lost her , lost my job and was in bed for 3 months .
This was many years ago before I got married .

By "lost her", are you indicating that you had a relationship with her? Just wondering.

She had a g/f so we never crossed the line , but we did stretch it so to speak .
One day she came to me and told me she was leaving her job and was moving out of state with her g/f .
I felt as if someone reached into my heart and squeezed it until my heart burst into pieces I think somoene found out about us and they fired her . I will never know the truth I didn't return to work , the next day I had a nervous breakdown and was in bed for 3 months str8 .
The light I had with her was gone and I never had it again only she gave me that spark .

Yes, my boss. It was dealt with as he got another job. There was a connection there, maybe just friendship on his part but definitely more on mine.

No.

I strangely had a co-worker in her early twenties attracted to me a few years ago though who knew I was married and met my Wife that tried to come onto me one day. She claimed I had led her on but I was just trying to be her friend and she was going through a very rough time in her life and I helped her out and I wouldn’t have a clue how to lead someone on. I don’t talk to her anymore because my Wife got upset when I told her about it and that was when my Wife was having problems with doing certain things and I would never do anything to jeopardise my marriage.

Thanks everyone and please keep the responses coming.

Just as a reminder, I'm interested in HOW YOU GUARDED or monitored YOURSELF, IF YOU DID.

Let's make sure this thread doesn't devolve!

I am very interested in keeping this thread going because I am having the same issue!! I am having an emotional affair with my co worker which has been going on for a couple years now. He is married and I have a boyfriend who I really love but this emotional connection I have with my co worker is very strong!! We talk and flirt ever day and I never believed he would cross the line and betray his marriage but recently he has shown signs f being very attracted to me as well and spends a lot of time lingering in my office chatting about everything!! I am so torn because I desperately want to be with him more but I know nothing good can come of it. It would hurt so many people!! I'm very tortured by my feelings for him and just feel sick inside!!

I made sure I was never alone with him, never took breaks when he did, tried to make sure at least 3 feet of space was between us without making it seem like I was avoiding him, got my schedule switched so we had less workdays in common and only talked to him when I absolutely had to and only about work.

Then he scheduled me to do overnight inventory with him and my plan went to hell

Well, I guard myself by saying..."nice. But married". That switches something off for me...I file the thoughts in my mental "unavailable" folder....

It IS NOT EASY, I admit to that...

Something about that phrase is helpful. Thinking that phrase sort of puts things in perspective. Thanks.