you know what? i have tried so so hard to make my marriage work.
i know i'm not the easiest person to live with, not by a long shot. but my husband really would test the patience of a saint.
had a good time this evening before friends turned up. lured him to bedroom, inevitable, been married 19 years, tough sometimes i know, but i try to keep things going, interesting etc etc. then in front of friends he just puts me down and makes me look stupid.

why? i'm going through a lot at mo. he knows this. i need support. i need to leave. he shows no love or affection, just anger and indifference. just can't put up with him anymore.
even my kids have expressed the same feelings, they would be happier if i left him.

joys of life eh? why can't some people just be happy that they have someone who loves them.

i just don't feel it's returned.can't stand it any more

jin

jin, sometimes leaving is the best thing you can do for everyone........i'm here for you. love, pat

i know, but i'm so insecure. i will break my heart. 19 years is a long time. all i ask for is affection. maybe i married wrong person in first place. then i wouldn't have my beautiful kids

why is life so hard

jin xx

because life isn't fair. never was, never will be....but we can be fair to "our life" and do the right thing. xoxoxo pat

[bebop]

I have been married 4 times hon. it is always the same. after awhile the affection seems to go right out the window. it stinks big time. very few marriages I think have continued affection. very sad

[desperado]

(((((((((((((((((((Jin))))))))))))))))))))))))

We will figure this out.

Btw, awesome post re: life being unfair, Pat. Wow.

Desy

p.s. Wish I had the answer as to why life was so hard......but I don't
But, I can try to help make it less difficult for you.....

[howohsocliche]

Is he aware you feel like he puts you down in front of others?
Have you both considered counseling?
I wouldn't throw it out the window if you are having so many apprehensions.
I would highly suggest seeing someone who can resolve these issues and help get communication back up. 19 years is a lot of throw away, fight for it babe. A therapist might be what can save your marriage.
But if he doesn't budge, then say goodbye.

Good luck.

thanks guys, i have a lot of serious thinking to do....

marriage guidance takes months here. waiting lists then more ....

thanks for writing back

jinny xx

[cajun]

Just don't make any hasty decisions based on current emotional state. Make 100% sure it is what you want.

[Smilie]

Having an estranged husbands after all those years is very painful. But it also can be awakening and a sign that you have needs too.I wish you luck on your new end ever.Here is a big hug to you from someone who after 22 yrs had an estranged husband herself.

Smilie

thankyou for the hug i needed it.

i'm confused. cajun may be right, but then i always craved love and attention, and don't really get what i need from him. maybe i'll never get what i need from anyone. maybe need too much idk
i just dont know any more to be honest.

my heart feels heavy

not a hasty decision caj.... been thinking a while. may not be ideal time, idk. just wish i couold wave a magic wand and have own place with room for kids.

really don't know why i'm still here

jin

thaankyou, seems issues are turning into more issues day by day

need to ....god knows what i need to do

thanks for caring everyone

jinny xxxx

[Numbers]

Jinn have you been written on a list for marriage counseling? If you really feel divorce is right you should do it and we will all be here for you, even if you get doubts afterwards.
I know I have absolutely no experience with love or marriage because I never experienced either- but I know this - if a person had stuck by me for 19 years I would be careful to let him go, and I would fight to make it work.
This man has lived 19 years with you, that is more than I have even lived. You must have so many memories together. You must have gone through so much together. So much joy and so much pain. Be sure to part on good terms at least.
And what ever you do we're still here for you, as I am sure your kids will be and you friends and family.
If you think you would be better without him then I think you should leave.

(((((((((((((((((Jinn)))))))))))))))))))

thanks izzy. i know what you are saying. yes i love him, sound strange after everything i said, he is not a strong person, neither am i i just need looking after sometimes. i wasalways the one who sorts everything out. need to be looked after for a bit

[Wants2Fly]

(((((((((((jinnyann))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((jinnyann)))))))))))))))) Maybe you just need some time away. Maybe he needs to learn what life would be like without you. Whatever you choose to do, I hope it's the best thing for you in the long run. Either way you go, it's not going to be easy but you can get through it-don't doubt that.

[jawz40]

I was married 15 years left with out sitting down and telling him what he was doing was hurrting me .. At the time I didnt think he would care .. But he did , now we are great friends and he has told me a million times ,, He wished I would of told him, because he didnt see it.. I would of saved him , my kids and myself a lot od heart ache..
Please take the time , you already have a lot in this!!!
Good luck and god bless!!!

thankyou jawz

i appreciate what you are saying. i told him today he is not giving me what i need. you know, he started a new job, the minute he walked out the door me and the kids had such a good time together. he doesn't mean to be like he is, but i just dont know if we're right together, maybe i am growing inmyself now i am releasing my past- i just dont know. he is a good man, but just not for me i dont think.
sad, after 19 years, but i need to be happy. not been happy for so long. i have my kids, they are my life and i love them. they will help me through this too.

thanks again, jinnyannxx x