My poor family relationships

I got sent here too, let's give it a shot.

My mother is a victim, she hardly confronts her problems due fear, she has a thing for sobbing when confronted with the harsh truth, she loves me, she's a perfect housewive and that's all there is, she doesn't have a job, depends on my father, didn't know how to drive until I recently taught her, sorta gave her my vehicle since I don't go out.

My aunt lives with us (my parents are currently separated and HELL I had a lot to do with it) she's a "nun level" catholic (Ugh) but we manage to put our differences aside and she loves me, however she's a rage monger and she nonrighftfully bosses my mother around. We have to do things her way or there's no way. She doesn't have a job, she's an okay housewive and she depends on my mother who in turn depends on my father, doesn't know how to drive and I'm not gonna teach her, no way.

My little cousin lives with us (My aunt's daughter) she's a little sunshine when she doesn't show all those flaws and ****** behaviors her mom is too allowing to correct. She's 11. She obviously loves everyone but I get stuffed up with her often irrational behavior sometimes and just stop talking to her for days. Damn she's becoming a teenager, hell unleashed if it wasn't already.

My dad is a drunk, archaic, sexist, manipulative prick, openly infidel mantaining a relationship with his ex, a self-destructive person that destroys himself and those around him, he loves me, he's got the money. He constantly plots with my half prick brothers on how to leave my mother with nothing and have the oldest one control us all when we he's gone.

My 100% brother is 18 (I'm 21). He's a sociopath, dickhead, conceinted, simple guy, he loves me. What he lacks in knowledge (That I posses) he has it in street smarts (Which I lack). He makes money selling stuff, he's not studying a career. (I am) he's made for where we were born, straight up Venezuelan that boy. He's got kidnapped once already but he doesn't seem to give much of a ****, he just does his common endeavors. He's living with my dad, to his dismay, they don't like each other.

My relationship with them: Mother, okay; Aunt, okay; brother, I don't really like him, rather not have him close, he's a low-end trash brother and we have a history together; Dad, I don't wanna see him but I have to, nor talk to him but I have to. We have history of course.

but the real issue here are my half brothers, they're 32 and 30 and we see each other as rivals for my dad's dough. (That I'm not very interested to begin with but my mother believes I'm stupid and naive for thinking that). Maybe I am.

Wow, my relationship with them. HAHAHA, what relationship?

Younger half brother: My relationship with this guy, oh brother, saying is **** would fall short. This guy is conceinted, selfish, lazy, dumb, attention monger and he sees me as a threat. He had a kid which he miscares just to gain attention from my dad since my older half brother had my dad's first grandson, he openly cheats his wife and she knows it.

Older half brother: This guy, HAHAAHHH, this guy is the devil in the flesh, I wish he was like his brother but he's smart, cold, vicious, prepared, manipulative, bitter. He's ready to pounce at you with his high academic achievements and his overly sharp tongue that I sort of hope I inherited. This guy is the endboss, this guy is my bowser, my ganon, my whatever end boss there is. My dad plans to have him managing us all and he's the main plotter to leave my mother with as little as they can. He sees me as a nuisance.

I'm the one actively rejecting them. My dad and my brother I mean.

So! what do we do about this? I don't think I want to have a relationship with many of these characters, not even my true brother and my dad, to my mother's plight.

What do you think? Tell me all that family is important stuff and blablablablal but try to be original at least. If you actually tell me something else than that then bless you sir.

Oh and all the males in the family think I'm stupid and inferior.

Servo, thanks for posting on psych central. I am sorry you have so many issues in your life.

It is difficult when we are going through tough times to not accept lower opinions of ourselves the world may entertain. But people that I talk to say it does not help to try to criticize others. It only makes us hurt more.

If you take only the talk about yourself and what you are going through, the problems seem to me a little more manageable.

You might find this forum helpful. Relationships & Communication - Forums at Psych Central

You might find this forum helpful
Coping with Emotions - Forums at Psych Central

or this forum Steps to Better Self-Esteem - Forums at Psych Central

Other people have found Psych Central helpful in their healing process. A lot of helping ourselves is suspending judgment about others and stopping the blame game of blaming others for our problems. We are here to help YOU. We can't change your situation but you can change your outlook on your surroundings. A lot of healing starts with us. Others can point the way, but we have charge over our own lives.

It's only the truth, kinda hard talk about my problems if I don't describe the responsibles well enough.

We are already here aren't we?

What am I supposed to do? What is to "cope" with my emotions?

Ooookay! thanks, I don't feel inferior, they just think I am.

Judgement? Outlook? You mean I have to learn to be okay with this? It's not my fault that my family and country sucks.

I really was just expecting to understand how I feel and what should be the wise thing to do.

Servo, the only thing I have ever found that I can change is my own attitude. Sorry but I am not good at anything but that. Everyone I tried to change has resisted my efforts. Only me can I change in basic attitudes.
Okay so here I am in the middle of all this confusion. How can I find a little piece of peace inside. A refuge. That is how I would proceed. The choice is yours how you will proceed. Maybe you need to do more research before you can be sure which way to head.

Fair enough, I do understand the logic behind it. However, as you pointed out, I better do some research because I'm not gonna accept anything, my attitude is pristine as it is. I'm not buddha, I'm human.

I cannot just find nirvana inside of my head while everything is crumbling on its feet.

If I were in your situation, I would keep my distance from as many of those characters as I could.


I pretend one of my brothers doesn't exist, we don't talk, I refuse to attend any family function he will be at and I don't tell new people I meet that he was even born.


Family is only "important" if they're good family, what good is blood if it means we are to be surrounded by toxic people?


I'm slowly forming my own family, people who I can trust, people who are loyal, people who choose to be in my life. Instead of people who are "there" out of familial obligation.

Oh YES! *clap clap*

That sounds more like it!

Choosing my own family, discarding the toxic ones. YES! I need some of that.

How do you manage? Don't they try to shove them down your throat?

Well no, and that's because I admittedly was kind of a b!tch about it right from the start.

I said "if anyone even tries to convince me to forgive and forget and attempt to have talks about reconciling, then you're going to find yourself in the exact same boat as him"


So that fixed that problem before it became one.


My new family is so much nicer, choice is a powerful advantage.

Servo, sometimes it is just a matter of not pouring fuel on the fire so to speak. If people in your family try to aggravate you, or as we say at PC trigger you, then not reacting is the best policy. Sleep on these things overnite. Just don't get drawn into the drama. It doesn't seem to make you feel better.
You already are starting to make a new family at PC in my opinion. At least you are communicating with us.
It's a good start.

POWERFUL! Nice way to put it, tell me about your dependency on this character though. Are you economically linked to him in any way?

Thanks for your support. Yeah I can see from where the whole not reacting business is coming from, but that's sorta like asking somebody to be a robot, honestly a lot of the time (not always) I do choose to conflict, it just feels right to do. It's not like fighting makes me feel bad, in fact I could be getting a little bit of guilty enjoyment out of it. The problem is the lingering tension that's always present, or most of the time present on my day/day. I live preparing for a war I'm yet to fight.

Due my thread you should know that I'm stuck on a fight for properties, altough justice in this country goes for the guy with the most coin, me studing laws is not a coincidence. The guy I have to beat is miles more prepared than I, I'm being sort of rushed-pushed into this and heck, if I forfeit with some mystical help my mom's gonna lose. Some of my internal thurmoil is a choice I'm having trouble to make. Linked to the fate of my mom are also linked my aunt and my little cousin. So to choose myself or to choose them? been trying to decide for years now.

I don't really have any advice to offer, just wanted to say I understand the conundrum you find yourself facing ...

I kicked my toxic family to the curb years ago!

Money & All ... !!!

My physical and emotional well-being got to be more important than any of the goodies they thought they could purchase me with!

No child should have to sacrifice their minds, bodies & souls to the family of origin (especially their parents) for any reason!

Period!

I wish you the best in facing and making the tough decisions that lay ahead.

Sincerely,
Pfrog!

You're a poet aren't you?

I understand it all, thing is there's nothing such as faring in your own at my country, family is sort of shut together forcibly.

What can I say? This is like the perfect formula for woe.

Dependency? None, I don't exercise dependency, its against my religion. LOL!

The religion of non dependency.

I'm not economically tied to him, nor anyone really, only person I'm financially tied to is my daughter.

Money complicates things, I understand that, but I would have made the very same decision had I been economically tied to him.

My dignity doesn't come with a price tag.

Ack!

That's awful, Servo ...

Then I wish you the best in finding your "zen" place so you can deal with your situation healthfully!

Sincerely,
Pfrog!