I feel I need to apologize

There is this guy I work with, he happens to be a cook there and of course I happen to be a baker there.

He is rather quiet there and so I had been approaching him and starting conversations so that he feels more welcome in my company. He had started a couple months ago and I realized that I seemed to start staring at him everyday to see if he is there. I don't know if I truly would of been looking at him that much if he had never said anything during his interview. He had asked me "if he had seen me before". We happen to have went to the same college and I didn't even know it until I asked him if he went to college. That's when I started staring at him to see maybe I had seen something there. Then I noticed I was attracted to certain features on him and he seemed kind. It's one of those situations where I wouldn't ever had thought I would be attracted to a guy like him, you just never know...

So then forward to a few days ago...

During dinner time at work I had seen that he ended up taking his dinner around the same time as me but he didn't sit down where I was sitting because it was a little crowded. (Plus I believe he feels uncomfortable in crowds and doesn't want to say it.) I ended up eating my dinner quickly so I could go sit with him for a bit. So I asked how he was doing and he told me good. Then immediately had asked me if I would like to go for a drink after work so I said sure.

He ended up picking me up and took me to Buffalo Wild Wings. I ended up having a little too much beer. I wasn't drunk though but I know I had felt buzzed.

The day after I had realized how terrible of a date/hangout it was because I felt like I was being overly pessimistic because I complained more than I should of and feel I had said other things that I shouldn't of said. Come on it's a first hangout and I do that, "what a great impression and great friend." I would of thought there would been some red flags shown to him but he wants to hangout again. I felt it was an off the wall date.

It felt like we were a bunch of chatter boxes with no flowing conversations. I do understand we both were nervous which explains this and I can not say there wasn't any fun involved at all either. We most certainly had laughed a lot.

He seems like a rather good guy and I can tell he really likes me due to many comments he had said and the fact he wants to hangout again. Plus for some reason he kept touching my hair. Though... I do feel I need to say something to him about that because I'm cautious of being physically touched when getting to know a guy, I can feel uncomfortable. I do like hugs good bye though.

But I feel I need to apologize to him about the complaining too much when I hangout with him again. Which I explained before I don't feel it's good at all to complain when getting to know someone or anytime truthfully. I didn't feel like myself. Which after this I feel confused on how I feel about him which I think this apology can help, plus our next hangout.

I would like to hear some opinions on this situation. Thank you!

I would just be friends with him , work and pleasure do not mix

I had felt that same way before. Though... it is possible to work professionally even if you do like someone you work with; treat them like a co-worker at work. I always choose to work professionally at work and would never choose to off set it.

And I may end up being just friends with him depending on how I feel later on.

I probably wouldn't apologize, but I would try not to complain the next time we hung out.

I would also add that EVERY time I have dated a coworker, I have seriously regretted it!! It sounds like you guys are having a lot of fun and hopefully it will work out differently for you. I think I read recently that work is the #1 way people meet their partner, so other people must have better luck with it than I did

I think it's okay.

He's gotten to know you at work.

There must be some interest there as he did ask you out.

And then there's alcohol.

That always plays a role.

He knew you were drinking.

Try not to replay the events over and over in your mind.

Move forward and let him to continue to see the great person he became friends with in the first place.

Yes, I too have read about that. Why wouldn't you fall for someone at work, when it's obvious that you two have similar interests.

Plus I can't help it, feelings are feelings. I feel different around him than any of the other guys I work with and there are quite a few of them. And well most guys in general too.

Goodness today at work I was even a nervous wreck around him because I couldn't even look at him until he actually said something to me. He himself for a while there was doing the same thing. "Two co-workers who are bashful towards each other."

I think you should go for it. I think you're probably over-analyzing everything you did your first time out. He might be worried about things he said or did during your hangout, too. It's just nerves.
Keep seeing him and see how it plays out!

I do agree, because after seeing him today I feel much more happy!

I do plan to see him more too. We had discussed last time about us playing some video games together in the future and going to a Brewery close to here, that I would NOT get buzzed at. ha

I most definitely agree with Angelene - you are overanalyzing.

I had to read the post twice because on first reading, I could not even get a faintest idea of what the subject of an apology could be.

Your hair and his touching it is the only thing that stands out. Not necessarily in a bad way, but just that - unusual. The rest seems like a normal exchange between two people who feel a little awkward in a situation in which feeling a little awkward is perfectly acceptable.

So your hair - is it very long?

Do keep us updated I like to know how it turns out
I wish you the best

Yes, I think he is an oddball but at the same time so am I. ha. And I do happen to have long hair and maybe that is preference he has.

Yes, a preference, and also...

... when you touch the middle or the ends of long hair, you are touching HAIR

... when you touch the middle or even the ends of short hair, you are touching the HEAD. Almost as if petting a cat.

So he touched your hair - he did not pet you as if you were a cat!

For me at least - I have a Maine Coon with the hair of Lady Godiva - when I touch her head, I actually touch HER, but when I touch her mane, I do not get through to HER. He was touching or appreciating your mane - he was not making contact with your head which would have been way too intimate for the occasion.

So I would settle for "he is mesmerized by your hair" idea for right now, and update it as things move along (if they do).

Plus, to work in a food prep establishment, you have to obey a very strict dress code dictated by various safety considerations. So he could not have seen your long hair loose at work. At Buffalo Wings, he probably saw your long hair for the first time. Maybe he was... super happy?..

I know a lot of cooks so I am familiar with the chef's dress code. I do not know any bakers personally, but assume that similar standards apply.

I most certainly agree on what you have posted. Thank you!

AND to be honest he was touching my head, which I said hair. That is why I want to speak to him about it when we hangout again. I truly don't know if this guy has been out in the dating world much. Which this can explain why he is a nervous wreck himself around me. Just need to go bit by bit until we are more comfortable around each other. We will have to see... I don't want a guy who clings himself onto me.

Oh also wanted to post is I could teach him meditation so both of our minds calm down and it sure is comforting. lol

I can post an update later because I know we will hangout again sometime this week. Hope it goes well!

Two oddballs meditating together... sounds like a very good time!

Cheers!

If you really feel the need to apologize and it will make you feel better, definitely go for it.

I had to post an update.

After our second hangout I can tell you this guy is a keeper. He has more of a glow to him and we have sooo much in common it's crazy.

Is it crazy that I am feeling that emotional connection with him already? I know I do want to take this more slowly with him because I don't want this relationship to be ruined. Plus of course there is a lot more to know about him. I still need to tell him this because I'm nowhere near easy and have had this brick wall in front of me my whole life and it is slowly fading away through time. Also especially after a couple traumas I've been through I have quite a bit of guard on me but with this guy it seems to be gone. I know I am a pretty intuitive person too, just by meeting someone for the first time I normally can tell if it's safe or not.

We had even talked about our own embarrassing moments and I had told him about the trauma I had with a roommate in the past and what it had taught me; he had listened rather closely.

yes dont overthink it, my parents met at work and had 13 children and are still together so there is hope afterall

It's funny some people you meet you just click right away and it sounds like you both are a match made in heaven , so enjoy it , glad the second date went good .

I also met my husband at work and just had our 20 year in October!