[lunatic soul]

I didn;t talk to my boyfriend after our unsafe sex.
I dated another guy who I found on internet but didn;t like him, I chated with many guys but now I don;t want it anymore.

I started to feel sad and texted my boyfriend that Im sorry I didn't text him but I was angry. I told him everything I think.

Now hw acts like the best boyfriend ever saying that he made a mistake and that he is sorry etc and that he wants to be with me so much.

I don't know what to do

I feel depressed with him. I feel sad without him and I miss him. Maybe I miss our relationships not him, I don't know what I'm missing, maybe I'm just sad and that's all. Is it healthy to feel depressed with my boyfriend? I think its some kind of torturing attachment or maybe it's my imagionation.

I really don't know what to do. It's so hard to leave him.
I know that therapy can't help me with this. I have talked to my friends and it's better then therapy.
I still don't know if I'm pregnent or not because I took emergensy pill and I had to wait for two weeks or more to make a test.

P.S.I decided to make new thread. If someone has questions you can look in my previous thread http://forums.psychcentral.com/relat...y-bf-jerk.html

[jelly-bean]

Sounds to me like you and your boyfriend need to have a serious chat and clear the air about the unsafe sex. I don't think you are in a healthy relationship if being with him is depressing. Maybe the talk will help and if not......

[Crazy Hitch]

I hope this all works out for you lunatic soul.

It's a bit of a complex situation.

In your best interests you'd be better off making a final decision about you future together with your partner, or lack thereof and then stay committed to that decision. it will save you heartache in the long run.

Take care.

[hamster-bamster]

LS, until you confirm that you are not pregnant, talking about missing him or depression or anything else is sort of tertiary at best. You have the underlying anxiety due to the uncertainty of the situation and it might color your world in all kinds of unexpected ways.

You are probably simply anxious. Not even depressed, but anxious. And anxiety makes you cling to him or miss him etc.

Once you know that you are not pregnant, once you have a very effective birth control on hand, once you sleep enough, eat enough, drink enough fluids, spend time outdoors, move your body and interact with your friends on a regular basis, THEN you would reassess the situation.

On an airplane, they give you safety instructions and tell you to put an oxygen mask first before helping others put their masks on. In this example, removing the anxiety over possible pregnancy is like putting that oxygen mask on, while dealing with feelings, attachments, and the like can only be done once your oxygen mask is secure and you are breathing without difficulties.

I wish you luck and hope that good things come your way soon!

[Lakers213]

If you really want to stay with your bf u should have a talk wit him and possibly consider of not going to therapy on your own but BOTH of you going to therapy TOGETHER...

[lunatic soul]

Thank you all.

I had a test and it shows Im.not pregnent but its not 100% safe because I did it after 10 days but its recomended after 2 weeks at least.

I texted with my boyfriend again. He made me angry aagain. Like alwaus. He said- Im sorry you might be prehnent because of me but its not fault that you have addictions (what great unwanted pregnency on xanax after unwanted sex)

My girlfriends are suprised we are still together.

Laker I took him tto group therapy session (its unprofessional and free) and he said that he has no problems and his life is wonderful. Some weeks aago he said that that therapy cant help me with the factthat he wants sex with me but Im not. He thinks Im crazy and going to therapy means that we are more crazy, he thinks its useless.

HB, I dont tthink Im anxious, I almost have no emotions except being mad and annoyed and depressed. Its once a week to feel that I miss him because Im numb. Im not even anxious about possible pregnency, I imagine stories about horrible future but still feel emotionless. And its not because of xanax. I take xanax before sleep.

I think I should leave him. There are no reasons to stay with him except some kind of attachment and feeling Im losing someone and something, Im used to be with him and thats all. I forgive him but I wish I didnt.

[hamster-bamster]

I think your judgment is sound and you are on the right track. Hopefully the pregnancy test was rightly negative. In just 4-5 days you can repeat the test to put your mind at ease. If the box with the pregnancy test contains 2 urine sticks, use both, just to make double sure.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by lunatic soul

My girlfriends are suprised we are still together.

I would trust them, for two reasons:

1) girlfriendSSSSS - in plural. If it were one girlfriend, one could suspect all sorts of ulterior motives, but with girlfriends in plural, you gotta trust the wisdom of the crowds.

2) surprised is an authentic reaction. they are not trying to talk you into leaving him - they are surprised (raised eyebrows and an expression of disbelief on their faces, probably?). Because the reaction is authentic, likewise, I would not suspect ulterior motives but trust the judgment of outsiders who are more objective.

The bf appears out of touch with reality in saying that he has no problems and his life is wonderful. Most people would realize that they are not perfect and that there is room for improvement in their lives.

[lunatic soul]

Thanks your replies are really helpful.
Mu bf texted me again tthat he loves me so much and that he wasso wrong and he will change himself because of me.
I told this my friend and she asked me-so you believe in this?
I said-I dont know. Im sure he would be good for first two weeks but I dont believe I couldever be happy with him, I dont believe its possible to change.

[PennyD]

I would definitely get a pregnancy test and just make sure that everything is okay in that department before moving forward, but I would definitely recommend some space- not talking to him or anybody else and just asking yourself what you want, and what you are looking for, and if you miss him because you are lonely or if you really care for him and are willing to work to be in a committed relationship with him. Then, I would recommend talking with him and hearing his thoughts. Because if you're saying youre depressed and upset, it seems like an emotional roller coaster and that isn't healthy. So just be careful, and figure out what it is you're looking for first.

[lunatic soul]

Originally Posted by PennyD

I would definitely get a pregnancy test and just make sure that everything is okay in that department before moving forward, but I would definitely recommend some space- not talking to him or anybody else and just asking yourself what you want, and what you are looking for, and if you miss him because you are lonely or if you really care for him and are willing to work to be in a committed relationship with him. Then, I would recommend talking with him and hearing his thoughts. Because if you're saying youre depressed and upset, it seems like an emotional roller coaster and that isn't healthy. So just be careful, and figure out what it is you're looking for first.

I think I need to hear what others say because I have so little experience and he was the first guy I slept with...
I tried to talk to him but now it seems I don't want to listen to him anymore, he blows my mind with his words and I believe that everything will be okay but it never is.

I think I don't believe I could ever find guy who really loved me. I think I'm not okay and only loosers like me.

He pays for apartment and it seems it shows that he really likes me. Who would waste his money just to get a place to live with his girlfriend who escapes from him all the time.

I'm abuser too. My mind is f***ed, I hope he will leave me first and it would be his responsibility and his choice.

Maybe I'm stucked in some kind of illusions, maybe I can't see real life and reality, I feel so out of reality.

Sometimes it feels like there is a power who doesn't let me go away from him.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by lunatic soul

I think I need to hear what others say because I have so little experience and he was the first guy I slept with...
I tried to talk to him but now it seems I don't want to listen to him anymore, he blows my mind with his words and I believe that everything will be okay but it never is.

I think I don't believe I could ever find guy who really loved me. I think I'm not okay and only loosers like me.

He pays for apartment and it seems it shows that he really likes me. Who would waste his money just to get a place to live with his girlfriend who escapes from him all the time.

I'm abuser too. My mind is f***ed, I hope he will leave me first and it would be his responsibility and his choice.

Maybe I'm stucked in some kind of illusions, maybe I can't see real life and reality, I feel so out of reality.

Sometimes it feels like there is a power who doesn't let me go away from him.

That does not make you an abuser. You repeatedly call yourself abusive, but present no evidence to support that categorization of you. I wonder if you live in the world of cognitive distortions yourself, are mildly masochistic personality-wise, or, whether he puts these ideas into your head. I have not been able to figure it out even though I try to keep up with your updates.

Note that your interpreting his paying rent as a sign of his liking you is totally valid, as interpretations go, but is not the only possible, valid interpretation. For example, his paying rent might make him feel that he is keeping his end of the bargain and you are not, sex-wise. Just a thought. Had you lived separately, this would have stripped him of the sense that he is entitled to more, and you would have been more like equals in this relationship, which might then have changed the dynamics of it. Might or might not - without trying, you would not be able to see what happens. Can you afford it?

[lunatic soul]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

That does not make you an abuser. You repeatedly call yourself abusive, but present no evidence to support that categorization of you. I wonder if you live in the world of cognitive distortions yourself, are mildly masochistic personality-wise, or, whether he puts these ideas into your head. I have not been able to figure it out even though I try to keep up with your updates.

Note that your interpreting his paying rent as a sign of his liking you is totally valid, as interpretations go, but is not the only possible, valid interpretation. For example, his paying rent might make him feel that he is keeping his end of the bargain and you are not, sex-wise. Just a thought. Had you lived separately, this would have stripped him of the sense that he is entitled to more, and you would have been more like equals in this relationship, which might then have changed the dynamics of it. Might or might not - without trying, you would not be able to see what happens. Can you afford it?

I think I abuse him because it's not true love what I feel but he pays for apartments and food etc.
Thats just too hard.

I didn;t understand well what you wrote because it's not my born language and sometimes i don't get what people want to say.
We live separetely. He lives in another town and he asked me to come to him but I don't like driving to another town. I live with parents because I can't pay for my own place and my mother all the time is home so we can't do anything there.
I said that we could spend time together more if he lives in my town. He agreed and got an aparmtment where is no hot water, there is no shower and there is only one room and toilet is one to all the rooms but apartments in my town has very high prices and if wanted normal aparments we should pay for a mounth more then twice.
He thought he will move to my town and work there but he didn;t find a job here so he works there and if he stays in my town he arrives at the morning to his town to work.
At first I thought it's super cool to have our own apartment but it turned to hell. I feel so bored with him. I feel like i waste my time sitting there, I'm active and if I'm at home then I sleep, I even am online most of time from my phone not computer, I hate sitting at home, I have a need to do something productive, i don;t even watch movies or do it twice a halfyear if there is really good movie or if I'm ill etc. He wants to sit home and watch movies and make love.
When he wanted to go to the club (mostly because I like parties but he has never been in clubs) I decided a place where I knew that there will be my friends because I'm bored with him.

My mother asked me does he remind me my father. And the answer is yes. He reminds me my father that's why I hate him, I hate every action he does like my father, my father is that type of guys I would never date.

My boyfriend is trying to be like me. That's so silly. Okay it's okay that he started to like music what I'm listening (I would never like his music and I never listen to this), it's maybe okay that he bought boots and said that he wanted to dress similar style like I (okay I'm goth and hanging out with people who likes metal and maybe he wants to be like them but I don;t care) but he even colored his hair like me! I always said I hate when boys color his hair esspeciaaly in unnatural colors, he looks like emo boy. He says all the time- I want to be like you. Is it normal?

He is so weird so I don't know what to think about him and his feelings. I said to him- you are like a child. He replied- I think you are more like a child then me and I said- yes we are children yet.

He said at our first date that Im like a girl from his dreams. When he said he will leave me if we wouldn;t have sex, he also said- okay I would find another girl, I'm sure I couldn't find more attractive girl but I would find another one who is less attractive. he says so often- I like that you are so thin, I dont like fat girls like my ex (she isn't fat at all but isn't very, very thin). It makes me feel like I'm a doll for him.

Sorry I wrote so much. i feel like it helps when I talk to you.So big thank you

[nicoleflynn]

You need to stop the risky behavior (are you ready to bring up a child?), or catch a disease? Educate yourself: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans is a life saver, and getting into therapy would be an excellent idea.