[moooo2u]

My wife and daughter and I were at a holiday party last night and I once again found myself hanging out with the women mostly. I tend to talk very little at these things and generally only to people I know, but its a bit strange, I just find it more comfortable to be around women. It seems that whenever you are talking to men, there's always some sort of competition or the talk is of sports - which I don't follow - or work which at a party, I really don't want to talk about but even if its some other topic, I don't really feel comfortable. Maybe its just a style of communication difference that I feel more comfortable with. Maybe its a self-esteem thing and being quite lacking in that area, maybe that's the problem - but why would I necessarily feel more comfortable with women rather than men - its not like I see myself as superior to women but not to men - my problem exists across the board. I catch myself doing it and end up feeling self conscious about it.

[CANDC]

Women are much more comfortable sharing emotions. Men can be very dry conversation except for the emotional outbursts at or about sports. It is almost like men need a very structured place to express emotions.
Is there anything about that that seems applicable?

[Nihil]

I find women to be a lot more understanding and sympathetic than men.

[moooo2u]

Originally Posted by CANDC

Women are much more comfortable sharing emotions. Men can be very dry conversation except for the emotional outbursts at or about sports. It is almost like men need a very structured place to express emotions.
Is there anything about that that seems applicable?

well, if you ask my wife, its not the sharing emotions part but that's a different topic altogether.

[Altered Moment]

I have always been that way. Even though I am a pretty macho guy and played sports and worked construction all my life I still prefer to hang with the women. I am comfortable standing around the BBQ BSing with the boys but it gets old and I find myself in the living room with the women. Women have more meaningful conversations. Men are afraid of intimacy. I am afraid of intimacy with other men. I don't want to always play the macho role. I have to say that over the years one on one I have meaningful friendships with other men, but get a group of men together and it is always a pissing contest and it gets old.

I never had an emotionally intimate relationship with my Dad and his friends. It was all about drinking beer, fishing, hockey, and so on. I have nothing against the macho roles men play....that I play. Protector, provider, problem solver, etc. I very much honor those roles, but there is more to the picture.

[eskielover]

Interesting as a woman I always had the opposite problem....I couldn't stand being around the women because all they talked about what their kids & their home & stuff I had no interest in.

I was in a career with mostly men back in those days (it's changed over the years....computer design engineering). I had a daughter but that wasn't the center of my life & I just had more in common with the guys & their conversations were always more with my interests.....just never related to the women back in those days.....they always came across so helpless & so limited in their interests & many allowed themselves to be defined by who their husband & their children rather than having their own definition in life.....LOL....but yep....guys weren't defined by their wife or children....but were defined by their career & the sports they were involved with.....yep, I fell into that category myself......don't think one is better than the other.....they are just different & we are comfortable with those who we have something in common with.

[The Grey Wolf]

Yea I'm kinda the same way except I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone in person. I cannot make myself vulnerable in any way to a guy can't share emotions or anything like that nothing that makes me look weak I don't know why don't even like talking to guys on here

[Werewoman]

I'm with eskielover on this one. I am a woman who prefers talking to men. Women seem to prefer talking about stuff like dresses and fashion and arts and crafts and things that I really have no interest in. I do have feminine interests, but I am almost always the only woman in my department at work, and I am very comfortable there.

I always figured it's because my abuser was a woman, and overall, I find men to be more trustworthy than women. It also seems to me that with men, what you see is pretty much what you get, unless they are some sort of pervert or something, but even then, I can sense them and make it a point to avoid them.

I don't think there's a right or wrong way to socialize as long as you are comfortable with it.

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by moooo2u

My wife and daughter and I were at a holiday party last night and I once again found myself hanging out with the women mostly. I tend to talk very little at these things and generally only to people I know, but its a bit strange, I just find it more comfortable to be around women. It seems that whenever you are talking to men, there's always some sort of competition or the talk is of sports - which I don't follow - or work which at a party, I really don't want to talk about but even if its some other topic, I don't really feel comfortable. Maybe its just a style of communication difference that I feel more comfortable with. Maybe its a self-esteem thing and being quite lacking in that area, maybe that's the problem - but why would I necessarily feel more comfortable with women rather than men - its not like I see myself as superior to women but not to men - my problem exists across the board. I catch myself doing it and end up feeling self conscious about it.

I find this interesting because I'm a woman, but I feel more comfortable hanging out around men. But I think my problem is that I don't trust women. I've had too many female "friends" that I couldn't trust around my man. That, and I'm not always making myself miserable comparing myself to the women around me (if there aren't any) which I'm prone to do since I categorically HATE everything about me.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Depends on the male because obviously there are more sensitive, and emotionally in touch males out there, but in general, that's the minority. If you're the type of guy that is like that it's probably easier to get along with women and the other types of males that are like you are probably few and far between. I have a couple of male friends that are close but for the most part i also talk to women more.

[hamster-bamster]

I do not like talking to women who are too much into fashions or to men who are too geeky-sci-fi-video games-star wars - kind of guys.

In both cases, I dislike such talking because the topics are too boring to me. I have never associated it with gender - it is per topic for me.

I also dislike being in an all-men company of geeks because they drink beer and I hate beer. So I cannot share in the subject matter of their conversations and cannot even enjoy a lunch with them (beer and burgers - not my cup of tea).

Note that in most such cases, speaking one-on-one with a woman or a man who, in groups, shares such characteristics, can be perfectly OK and usually commonalities can be found. So to me it is about group dynamics and not expressiveness, emotional response, or gender per se. High heels and football are equally boring for me.

[BobbyDavis]

Don't worry. You are not alone.

All of my best friends since I was a child have been women (including my first girlfriend) and with the exception one of my cousins and my female friends’ husbands I don’t have any male friends because I trouble trusting other men and feel more comfortable around women. Part of the reason for that is because my Dad was an abusive prick and all my old male friends didn’t want anything to do with me after they found out I had Asperger’s Syndrome, ADHD and OCD while my female friends were more accepting of it and it didn’t change the way they saw me. My sister has a hatred for men too after all the things our Father did to us and the only two guys she trust are me and her husband and my Wife has similar feelings from her past experiences and she says I am one of the few guys she trusts and the first guy she has ever loved.

I don’t mind not having many male friends though because my female friends have always been very supportive and loyal to me and I trust them with my life. They are all tomboyish in comparison to the girly girl type that only talks about fashion and dresses another member mentioned on the last page and we have a lot of things in common and my best friend and her girlfriend are like sisters to me. I am willing to be friends with other guys though.

Originally Posted by BobbyDavis

Don't worry. You are not alone.

All of my best friends since I was a child have been women (including my first girlfriend) and with the exception one of my cousins and my female friends’ husbands I don’t have any male friends because I trouble trusting other men and feel more comfortable around women. Part of the reason for that is because my Dad was an abusive prick and all my old male friends didn’t want anything to do with me after they found out I had Asperger’s Syndrome, ADHD and OCD while my female friends were more accepting of it and it didn’t change the way they saw me. My sister has a hatred for men too after all the things our Father did to us and the only two guys she trust are me and her husband and my Wife has similar feelings from her past experiences and she says I am one of the few guys she trusts and the first guy she has ever loved.

I don’t mind not having many male friends though because my female friends have always been very supportive and loyal to me and I trust them with my life. They are all tomboyish in comparison to the girly girl type that only talks about fashion and dresses another member mentioned on the last page and we have a lot of things in common and my best friend and her girlfriend are like sisters to me. I am willing to be friends with other guys though.

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Sorry to hear that your former so called friends ditched you once they found out about your disability- You're better off w/o people like that in your life! I think that a few former friends kind of ended up judging me and becoming more distant towards me once they found out about my depression and anxiety. So I will never ever tell anyone about it again. Even if they have it themselves. People tend to be weird that way.

Anyways, you don't seem as you have any of the conditions that you mentioned above at all! You write really well, you're outspoken, empathetic, caring, and intelligent IMHO! Your friends and your g.f is lucky to have you in their life! It's great that you have such a great support system now!

I don't really get along that well with my dad either. He was kind of emotionally abusive back then and he can still be that way at times, so I try to avoid talking to him as much as humanly possible. He also has a hair trigger temper which makes being around him very unpleasant usually. Hopefully he won't be to much of an *** when I see him with my husband for Christmas.

As for friendships with men & women, I can be friends with both, but some women are hard for me to relate to since some of them do go on and on ad nauseam about their relationships, their kids, their husbands, themselves, and sometimes they just gossip to much about other people which is a big red flag for me to not trust them.

Some men can be annoying like that too though. I can't really be friends with most guys since it seems ask if all they want from me is sex, ugh! They won't take no for an answer. I have seen a few of them give me some funny looks, so I couldn't let myself get close to them as they'd probably get the wrong idea and think that I want them, lol! Guys in general tend to be more fun to hang out with. They're usually funnier and they usually make me laugh. Sometimes women whine to much about everything which sucks! Not all women do, but yeah, some do.

[BobbyDavis]

Hi again Shy

Yeah.

A lot of my close friends have said that to me over the years and I guess my main problem with them is they come with a ‘freak’ label and people with disabilities such as Asperger’s Syndrome, ADHD and OCD face more discrimination than most people are willing to admit which is evident by the increase in the bullying and suicide rates for people with disabilities over the last two decades in Australia but just like most problems it is swept under the rug and repressed. Part of the reason for this is because of the way American media and American movies and TV shows portray people with disabilities to an audience by choosing to focus on the negative images and character traits instead of focusing on the positive and successful people with disabilities therefore showing young boys and girls they can have disabilities and still grow up and have happy and successful lives just like everybody else.

These negative images encourage bullying and singling out and it is much easier for somebody with a disability to try and hide it and blend in with the so-called norms but for those that lack the skills and the knowledge required to do that it is harder and they are the victims. It wasn’t that long ago media was portraying homosexuals in a very similar light and I still recall seeing guys in my final year of high school in 2001 getting beat up for even being suspected of being homosexual and getting called fags, ******s, poofters, gaylords, homos etc and it was ‘evil’ to be a homosexual and ‘good’ to be a hetro-sexual but thanks to politically correct people we are now seeing that change and books, movies and TV shows that discriminate against homosexuals and black people are being censored while all at the same time modern books, movies and TV shows that discriminate against people with disabilities are being released and it is seen as acceptable now because we are the ‘evil’ ones and they are ‘good.’

I intend to change that here for my step daughter who is autistic and others with disabilities because they should not have to grow up in a world where it’s acceptable to discriminate against people with disabilities and suicide rates are at an all-time high. My Wife does too and she was bullied a lot when she was at school for being advanced and slightly obese (as you already know) and didn’t have many friends but then when she got older and lost weight the same people that bullied her wanted to date her and be her friend and it really annoyed her and made her have trouble trusting people especially men and even to this day Hailey still has trouble trusting people but she has some really good friends now and her friends are my friends and we all hang out together. She doesn’t have any male friends though (apart from me, her uncle and some of her Dad’s old friends) for similar reasons to you and she believes males are responsible for most of the problems in society which I don't agree with but I understand why she feels that way.

I don’t let my old friends bother me anymore Shy because they weren’t good friends to begin with or they wouldn’t have abandoned me when they found out I had disabilities and I actually feel sorry for the people they are friends with now because if they have one little fault they will probably abandon them too and it is the ones that have stayed with me that mean the most to me because I know I can count on them and they can count on me. I am sorry to hear it happened to you but don’t let it make you afraid to share your depression and anxiety with everyone. I hide the fact I have disabilities from a lot of people and none of them pick up on it but I don’t hide it from people I trust and my Wife and Sister have been the two most supportive people I have had in my life along with my best friend.

As for making more male friends, have you tried meeting more guys who are already in long term relationships or married because if they love their partners that part shouldn't be a problem.

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by moooo2u

once again found myself hanging out with the women mostly. .........but its a bit strange, I just find it more comfortable to be around women.

Just curious....had a thought & wondering if you came from a broken home where you grew up with only your mother & without a father figure in your life?......If you did, that might explain why you are more comfortable with women.....just a theory.