[mich2014]

Hello, thank you for taking time to read this. I am in need of advice. This past June, my boyfriend of over 2 years broke up with me because he wanted both of us to find ourselves. During that time after a couple months, I got intimate with a few men, one of which is a mutual friend. My boyfriend and I are back together again and very happy and in love with each other. I am wondering if I should tell him about what happened during our time apart? I value our relationship greatly, and we are very serious. I want only honesty, trust, commitment, respect out of our relationship. Any and all advice will help and be appreciated greatly!

[Bad wife/good mom]

If roles were reversed, how would you like to find out? That is how I would handle it. If you weren't together at the time and you didn't do it to intentionally hurt him I would think he should understand. I wish you luck.

[ptangptang]

No i wouldn't tell him unless you definately know he would be ok with it or if he asks. It wouldn't achieve anything

[Webgoji]

You weren't seeing him at the time so I don't see the value in a full disclosure type of thing. If he asks about it, don't lie, but it's just not something that needs to be "aired out" like if you were dating during that time.

[Trippin2.0]

The relationship is going well, why sabotage it by providing him with information he doesn't need?


I just don't see how telling him could be helpful or beneficial to him or your relationship.


As mentioned above you were broken up, so no need to mention the names of anybody you saw naked as its essentially none of his business.


Sure if he asks about it, don't lie to him, (although I honestly probably would just to avoid unnecessary conflict) but please don't create problems or drama where there is none.


Unless for some reason you are looking to swop lists of partners you each had during the break up...

Which is never a good idea IMO, leave the past where it belongs and focus on the present.

Umm ..
Normally when someone says this it's because they want to date others .

The bad part is it's one of his friends so I can see where you feel a bit guilty because it's someone he knows .
But bottom line is he was the one who ask for the break up so whatever happen between the times you broke up he has no control who you saw .

I would not say anything because if you do he will always wonder if you will go back to
him .

[toolman65]

Whatever you had with the mutual friend is going to come out eventually.

[Trippin2.0]

Unless the mutual friend is actually a good guy and realizes its best for all involved to keep his trap shut.

They exist, just not sure if your friend is one of them.

If he's a blabber mouth like toolman seems to think he may be, then I understand wanting to tell the bf.

[divine1966]

No need to tell unless u are afraid that friend would tell your bf. If you know for sure he won't tell them no need to tell anything.

[toolman65]

@ Trippin 2.0

Where in my 13 word post did i imply that he was a blabbermouth?

Both of them are capable of letting it slip. Intentionally or not.

As long as they are all hanging out together there will always be a chance of whatever happened ( one night stand, friends with benefits, officially dating) getting out.

Even if neither of them told anyone else what happened, which is highly unlikely, there will always be that risk.

All it could take is an argument, or a few drinks and off we go.

[mich2014]

Originally Posted by Nature1968

Umm ..
Normally when someone says this it's because they want to date others .

The bad part is it's one of his friends so I can see where you feel a bit guilty because it's someone he knows .
But bottom line is he was the one who ask for the break up so whatever happen between the times you broke up he has no control who you saw .

I would not say anything because if you do he will always wonder if you will go back to
him .

Hello,
No I absolutely do not want to date others. I am in love with my boyfriend and jut want to move on from anything and everything in the past. I just want to move forward with him. Thank you for your reply.

[mich2014]

I don't think the friend would tell. However it has been ruminating on my mind lately. I know that I don't want to know what my boyfriend was up to during that time. My conscious is just filled with this situation. I don't think my bf would take it too hard because he is understanding and open. But I don't want to feel bad after about telling him and worrying what he will be thinking of me. People have said "he could take that as fuel to go behind your back" which I highly disagree wih yet somehow it still worries me.

[hvert]

I agree with toolman that there is a good chance this will slip out sooner or later, intentional or not.

If the mutual friend is still a mutual friend, I think it would be better to let your BF know or to phase out the friend. If he finds out a year or two after the fact, he may feel betrayed.

[unaluna]

I'm with Ross (from Friends) - if it ever "comes out", all you have to do is say, "WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!" Believe me, in a few years, you wont even remember what happened. Been there, done that, forgot the details

[toolman65]

Tell him. Get in front of this before it blows up in your face. If your guy starts *****ing, just say "You dumped me, remember? At the time i didn't think we were going to reconcile".

At this point, i believe the secrecy is more harmful than whatever happened.

Let the mutual friend know beforehand, though.