So sick of "how are you still single?"

I am so sick of hearing "how are you still single?"! I know it's meant as a compliment, but it is the farthest thing from it! I have been single for over a year and a half now, after being alone in an unhealthy marriage for 8 years. I am so tired of being alone! And I'm starting to feel so hopeless. It feels like I'm never going to meet anyone, and even when I finally do it only lasts a few weeks at most. I know that I'm an anxious attachment type but I don't come across as desperate or insecure. It feels like all the good attributes aren't outweighing the negative. I'm not sure if the fact that I'm a single mom so I only have a couple free days a week for dating when my ex has the kids is just too much for most guys. Or that they don't want what they consider "baggage" because my kids and I are a packaged deal. Even though I don't see them as baggage because they are the best things that ever happened to me, a lot of guys don't see it that way. I'm also 5'10" so unless I want to lift the guy up at the end of the night to kids him, my dating prospects are limited. Why is it so difficult to find a decent guy? Out of all the guys in this huge city I can't even find one??? That's all I ask for is one! So what gives? There are miserable people who treat their significant other like crap so why don't I deserve someone? I'm a good person who has a lot going for me. It's not like I'm some desperate, lazy ditz, living on welfare and partying every night. So why not me?

Have you been able to hold onto any of your ex-dates as friends? Do you give too much too fast, or not fast enough?? Are you still young, and searching for love in the wrong field, perhaps?

For instance, maybe you ought to be considering dating men who are also single/divorced/widowed parents. Parents look at possible mates considerably different than those who aren't parents do (typically, of course). It still isn't easy, unfortunately, but it can be done. There are some real decent guys out there who love tall women...(((((hugs))))).

I don't have any exes as friends. They've always been the type that I wouldn't want to have as friends. At first they seem great, but then they turn out to be manipulative and mean and verbally abusive. And all of my guy friends are guys that I wouldn't be interested in dating. I definitely give too much too quickly. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I can be naive and I'm a hopeless romantic. And even though I'm aware of it, I don't know why I can't follow through. I will have the whole conversation with myself like "Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Take it slow. Guys like the thrill of the chase. They don't like anxious, clingy girls" but then I can never hold to it. It's almost easier said than done. And I don't know why I can't control it. I'm 28 so still relatively young. I've been trying online dating for the sole reason that when I do go out I'm too shy and insecure to approach someone or even smile or make eye contact. Which is odd for me because I am confident and I'm very social and outgoing! I can usually strike up a conversation with anyone! I don't know if it's just the fear of rejection, but I cannot bring myself to smile at a guy I'm interested in. However, when I meet someone online I'm confident and comfortable and when we meet in person for the first time I don't get very nervous and I can be my normal outgoing self. And then last night I was on a date and he said that I'm very good at eye contact, but it's almost too much. How most people are too uncomfortable to hold eye contact for long... or something along those lines. And it's something I never realized that I do until he said it! Maybe I creep people out! :S I am kind of picky. I want someone who is good with children, a family guy, who wants more. Who is good with money and fun, good sense of humour, a good communicator. Someone who is successful (lives on his own or with roommates... not parents, has a car, good job). I have dated other single parents, but I find that it can be really difficult to coordinate schedules for when we don't have our kids at the same time or they want to rush into meeting each other's kids (I think partly for the difficulty with schedules). Or they don't want more kids, which I might be able to compromise on but I'm not sure. Thanks for the encouragement. I'm not sure if I'm just meeting the wrong guys or if it's just the fact that I go all-in too quickly or a combination of both. I wish I could just control that part of me that rushes into things! Like I said, I have those conversations with myself but then I kind of just go onto autopilot and I do it without even realizing!

I don't have any sage words of advice on the subject other than I totally get it. I've never been in a relationship and when people find out about that they are totally shocked. I'm a bit tired of people asking why.

If you read on here you will see a lot of single men and woman are having a hard time finding "The One " .

I don't know how old your kids are but I would be very careful who you bring home to as you want to protect your kids . so you have to be extra careful and maybe even do a background check , kids always come first .

I would maybe get involved in some kind of activity that you enjoy as a hobby and you might meet someone there , but take it slow .
If it's meant to be no need to rush into it .

If you enjoy walking find a group that gets together once a week for a walk and meet people there .

It's even worse when you're on a date and they ask how long you've been single. A couple of times when I've told them I've been single for a year and a half, their response is "That's a lot of dates!"

Thanks! For sure my kids definitely come first! I don't bring anyone around my kids that I don't see it seriously going somewhere with. Not only that, and not to sound arrogant, but I deserve better than some guy coming over to my house to watch movies while my kids are sleeping! I want an actual date, not just a hangout buddy. It just gives off the wrong impression. And unless he is the type of man I would want my daughter to date or the kind of man I'd want my son to be, he doesn't meet them.

I have considered that, but with my ex's schedule I can't commit to any activities or clubs because I never know when he'll have the kids. He's a train conductor so his schedule is all over the place. And the things I enjoy doing are things where there are females! hehe I've tried going to a fitness or dance class, but it's all women. I went to the pub by myself last night just because I wanted to watch the hockey game to try and get out of my comfort zone. And I totally get about not rushing it. I have that conversation/pep talk with myself all the time. But when the chance comes, I totally blow it without even realizing it! One guy I was seeing was texting and calling me non-stop, making next date plans before a date even ended, was talking about how he was crazy about me and couldn't stop thinking about me... at first it kind of scared me off but then I thought what I usually do hasn't worked in the past so I'd try and match him... and then he said I was coming on too strong! Like wtf?! It's so confusing! I find that I'm anxious at first and overthink things, and then once things start to go well I distance myself and find things that I don't like about the guy.

I think you'll meet someone when you're supposed to. Write down a list of all the qualities you want the guy to have so you'll recognize him when he comes.

Well, there's quite a few things going on.

1. Often times the kids aren't the "baggage". There are lots of guys that have no problem with their date having kids. It's the Ex that's the baggage and dealing with one of those can be a nightmare.
2. You're self-limiting your available pool of men based on height.

So, those aside, the trick is turning over the right rock. Look at your list that you've made and then compare it to where you're looking. Online is okay, but it's a real grab-bag and you're going to be going through a lot of guys. Another option is find where the guys you're looking for can be located; a local writing group, comedy club, places like that where people who fit your list of traits can be located.

Also be careful aware of your past and needs. It's very easy to feel that you aren't coming across as clingy or negative about the past, but it can be perceived that way.

After that, all I can say is that they're out there, just the rock they're under probably has moss growing on it.

I can definitely understand how the ex can be the "baggage" and not the kids. As for the height, I've tried dating guys my height and shorter and I just can't do it. Even though it limits my pool of available men, it makes me uncomfortable and insecure. I don't feel feminine and I think it looks funny. I feel like Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog! It's not sexy.