Old reactions!

There is some disagreements and petty arguing going on within a certain situation I use to be part off. I was always the one to be in the thick of it. Had to fight my last stand constantly.

I've walked away from this situaiton but news has got to me that the same ole petty arguing is still going on. Part of me is pulling me to go back and "fight" but part of me this time wants to just let it go. It never resolves itself it just goes round and round. This week the disagreements is about this or that and then everyone kisses and makes up then a couple weeks later it goes of again but this time about something else.

Its avery dysfunctional pattern but I feel so used to being part of it that I feel something in me is missing by walking away. I don't think its a bad feeling I have by missing this part of me, but its srange, it almost makes me feel light head but also makes me cringe when I see the maddness of how it was!

I'm sorry to be vague about details, I just feel almost guilty as well because I can sense the space is waiting for me to jump straight back into the dysfuntional situation but I don't want to know more. Its pointless.

Why does it feel so odd when we walk away from this types of situations? why does it feel like a loss? yes thats it, i feel i've lost a part of myself but I know its so much better this way. I guess it just takes time to adjust????

Hi Mouse -- I'm sorry you're feeling so down. I can't really put in my $.02 about whether it's a matter of adjustment or genuine loss.

I think you have to trust your own intuitions.

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mouse_ said:
Why does it feel so odd when we walk away from this types of situations? why does it feel like a loss? yes thats it, i feel i've lost a part of myself but I know its so much better this way. I guess it just takes time to adjust????

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Anything we're part of we "invest" some of ourselves into. Doesn't matter if it's good or bad or indifferent, we're "part of" and give a piece of ourselves to it. So, when we withdraw, we usually can't take that piece with us. Someone dies or we change jobs, move house, our team loses a soccer game. . . doesn't matter. Until we can reinvest in something else, that "piece" still pulls to us.

I always use to think that my "ideas" and creativity was limited and that I had to be secretive about my thoughts, dreams, "doings" but I gradually learned to trust myself and to know that as the Doritos commercial says, "We'll make more." I think our connections with others and the "world" are like that, like a switchboard operator we feel cut off when we pull the plug on one thing but then, when we plug the wire into a new relationship, our efforts and "being" has a new focus and we're okay again. It's harder if we want or need to stay in the same environment though or if the disconnect is "sudden" and we don't have enough other interests to switch to or a plan of what to do to reconnect to something else.

seems to me that u like the drama......... just forget it and remember this......"don't live for drama, just live"-Mr. Woods (my nineth grade pre-algebra teacher)

I totally relate to having lost a part of myself

Walking away always hurts, even from dysfunctional or damaging situations.

It's good at least, imo, that people in that situation are able to "make up" even though the tensions and arguments recur....

Take care,
Fuzzy

Hello Mouse.
I hope things are going well for you at this time. Sometimes when you start to grow in stability, you also mature in other ways as well as far as how you react and see things that are not exactly helpful in your recovery process. Whether or not you choose to engage in activity that you feel is not helpful to your recovery will have to be your decision. Take care and good day. Soidhonia

A very wise monk demonstrated someething when I was little. He had two people pulling on a rope. Neither could win until one just dropped the end and walked away. Its a visual that has stayed with me.

I have been in a similar situation. I like a man that goes to my gym and he has played a games of liking me and then pushing me away. Now he has hired a woman that he is involved with. What makes it worse is my "friends" there seem to keep bringing up the same discussions about him and what is going on. Long story short I have realized that for me to feel better about myself I have to stay away from the people that make me feel bad, and those are the gossips and trouble makers at the gym that like to see people hurt.

I hope this helps you some how