same feelings..... different reactions

I still feel frightened, hurt, abandoned, it's as if those feelings are me

But I won't screw up again.... I can't screw up again. I've been doing some reading and at last the pieces of the puzzle are beginning to fit together in a better fit....

And I'm learning to respond, not to react. This is where I am today.

Hating myself now...... waiting for a phonecall..... I hate waiting but why does that cross as if by osmosis to so much self hate Because it's really there all the time I think

Kick "self hate" in the arse, dear lady, it tries many of us sometimes, don't answer that door when it comes knocking.
I do not know what it is, age,therapy,loss of loved ones,etc. but I have made friends with myself,despite my weight gain,fatigue,physical appearance (use to be my main enemy)and do not know specifically how I did.
I hope and wish you'll stop being your own enemy and make friends with "you".
Losing "self-hate" can be so carthetic,allowing one self to let go of the past, and/or the very things that have caused or contributes to this nasty feeling.
I've found talk therapy rather with a close friend or therapist can help give you a boost in the right direction.
Don't allow this stuff to take over,and if you can't fight it alone, please never delay on seeking help.
You are a good person and owe it to yourself.

((((((((( Fuzzybear ))))))))))))

Thanks darkeyes!

I'd need a magician to help me, not a T (I already sacked one the other day) And they drop like flies
All those years of pain, layers of hurt My pain, my hurt
Just stay in your cave Fuzzy, soon enough it will turn into an igloo and you will turn into an ice bear

Just in a negative mood.... should keep quiet

Your post did help.... but at night when I can't sleep it all falls apart

I'm sorry T didn't work out, Fuzzy.

I hope you can find some help somewhere.

Thanks Petunia, I'll keep looking and trying.....

Have you thought about online therapy?

At least it might help until you can find some other way to get help.

I did think of that, then scrapped the idea....

I'll give it a go, thanks for the suggestion

Hi Fuzzy,

My dear sweet Fuzzy. You blame yourself, but don't put "all" the blame on you. It also takes others to cause the hurt and confusion.
You are trying to put it all on "your" shoulders and there just isn't enough room for all the hurt and pain.
I wish peace and happiness for you, my dear friend.
I hope that your problems will diminish one by one.
If they don't, please keep coming on and talking about it. It will help to get it out. Keeping it in will only make it fester.
You also know that you can pm anytime when you need to talk.
Sending you hugs, you sweet little bear!!
(((((((((((((((((((((((Fuzzy))))))))))))))))))))

Hugs,
NG~Boopers

(((((((((((((((((( Boopers )))))))))))))))))))


Love,
Fuzzy

Thanks bowzz....

I've mostly been in denial about having "BPD traits" (2 doctors said it didnt exist and that I should just "cope" with my "problems" SIGH and offered NO help except for the help?? of a label) But recently I've been reading more about BPD and much of it really does fit..... especially the "frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment" I'm working on finding more appropriate tools to help me deal better and not mess up so badly or so frequently.....I feel I am making progress now despite my mood swings, depression etc........I won't give up hope anyway SIGH GROWL ...)

I've built another cave for your Fuzzy, this one is on a beautiful island where it's not too hot for bears and not cold enough to turn to ice. The opening of the cave cleanses of all self hate, once you go inside, you'll never have memory of this feeling.......You should stay there for a bit until you're feeling better.

Can I come? I'll bring some brownies and homemade pizza!

Of course Rapunzel, after all, what's a cave without friends?

Pizza (check) My fave....
Brownies (Check)

I'll bring coffee too, what else, Fuzz whadya need in yer cave?

Thanks so much Talulah.... a beautiful image and much needed.... I'm on my way!!

Rap!! I've been missing your home cooked .......

I'm bringing chocolate and carrot cake!

Yum. Have I told you that I'm addicted to chocolate, and that carrot cake is my favorite kind? Cream cheese icing?

Nope.... they are my favourites too and cream cheese icing!!

A cave party it is then, just like the good old days. Some day we really must get together and do this for real.

Hang in there, Fuzzy. Spring is right around the corner, and things always look better in Springtime. Especially with a nice warm sunny cave and good food! If it's not sunny in the cave on the island, I'll bring my light box and share it.

((((((((((((((((( Rap ))))))))))))))))

Love,
Fuzzy

OMG CHOCOLATE (mmmm, some drool....)

I shall bring a turntable with which we'll play our favorite songs and sing as loudly as the universe allows. Then we will laugh as our echoes return to us, giving us a little startle.

Party caves are therapeutic.....did I mention the beautiful cenote in the back of the cave where the sun trickles its pointy rays through to the crystal aqua warm waters there? Yes, this is my favorite part of the cave. Especially after a slice of homemade pizza.....

((((((((((((((( Talulah ))))))))))))))