If you get married, you have to stay with that person for the rest of your life. If you don't get married you can change your mind and it's okay. If you get a divorce, it cost money.

Why do people get married anyway, what difference does it make?

[CANDC]

The first time, marriage seems like a permanent solution to what seems like a continual problem of loneliness or a way to start a family.

The second time, many people ask the questions you ask.

Does it make a difference? To many religions and social organizations, it does.

Is it a personal decision that each person can decide on their own?

[avlady]

if you have true love, but it takes courage and work work work, understanding, compromise among other things

I'm married because I fully intend on spending the rest of my life with my spouse. But as the nation is governed on paperwork, as far s my job is concerns she gets no benefits without a valid marriage certificate. Regardless of ceremony or not, I would still have married her because she is very much a part of me.

[Creamsickle]

When you're going to have kids it's a good idea to give the children a stable family life and the same last name.

When you're not having children some marry to receive benefits like health insurance and division of money.

My own feeling is if your not having kids, I wouldn't recommend it. Divorce at any age is extremely stressful and where money is concerned, hey I'm not sharing mine if we are no longer living together. It's just easier to walk out without a certificate. I don't like feeling stuck or like I have to take care of you because we are married. People and circumstances change over the years and I'd rather freely choose to stay or go (and for my sig. other to do the same).

[Webgoji]

For me it was a formal (and legal) way of telling the world I wanted to spend the rest of my life with my wife.

We would be together either way.

Speaking for myself , I'm married 20 years so far ,
The main reason why I asked my husband to marry me was because I thought if we got married he wont leave me as easy as if we had just lived in together .
I got married to get away from my abusive family .

He was the life saver that was thrown to me and I had to grab it

Being married provides security and commitment.

[JJBX]

Originally Posted by Creamsickle

When you're going to have kids it's a good idea to give the children a stable family life and the same last name.

When you're not having children some marry to receive benefits like health insurance and division of money.

My own feeling is if your not having kids, I wouldn't recommend it. Divorce at any age is extremely stressful and where money is concerned, hey I'm not sharing mine if we are no longer living together. It's just easier to walk out without a certificate. I don't like feeling stuck or like I have to take care of you because we are married. People and circumstances change over the years and I'd rather freely choose to stay or go (and for my sig. other to do the same).

My husband and I don't have the same last name. You don't have to share EVERYTHING with your partner.

[JJBX]

Well, I wasn't all that keen on getting married because it's a hassle and very expensive without any tangible benefits from the actual ceremony. For me, it came down to my husband's family was throwing a stink about us living together unmarried and we planned on spending an indefinite amount of time together.

There are benefits to being married to your partner. For example, if something happens to you or your partner, there aren't as many hoops to jump through to do things like make end of life arrangements and to handle the estate left behind by the deceased. But, you can pretty much get the same effect by making sure you have named your partner as a beneficiary on life insurance or other accounts. If you don't have the paperwork in order, it can still be a nightmare for a spouse to claim accounts left behind by their deceased partner.

Less grim, if you're American and one of you has a job that provides better benefits, you can be part of the plan as a spouse, whereas that isn't an option if you aren't married. For taxes, the maximum income levels are doubled, so you wind up paying less in taxes than if you're single.

Having a wedding CAN be a nice way to celebrate the relationship, but there is absolutely no benefit to taking out a loan to pay for it or going nuts... the wedding gifts you get are absolutely not going to make up for the cost of the wedding.

So, it's a matter of personal preference. My husband and I got married, but we maintain our own identities (neither of us changed our names). There is never any confusion around it and it turns out to be so much simpler than going through the trouble of changing your name (no surprise there). No one really ever asks for the marriage certificate, though when it is required, it becomes a scramble to find the stupid thing.

When it comes down to it, if you really don't plan to get married, you can achieve 90% of the same stuff as married people minus the slight tax benefit. If you make sure your documentation names the other as a beneficiary/emergency contact, then you probably won't have any issues most of the time, even/especially if you have a child. Heck, if you want a ceremony, you can even do a "commitment ceremony" like some couples do. Do what's right for you and yours.

[cool09]

I ask myself the same question. I don't understand why people get married because everyone seems to get tired of a partner/spouse after a certain period of time and then you have to go thru the turmoil of breaking up and starting a new life in a sense. Even family members who live under the same roof for decades and who love one another eventually get tired of one another for whatever reason it may be. Society is really built around (and stresses) being independent and if a person relies on another too much that can be unhealthy. Personally, I haven't figured it out yet. I haven't found a balance. I suppose a person needs to be very healthy in order to make a long-term relationship work well.

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by cool09

I suppose a person needs to be very healthy in order to make a long-term relationship work well.

Naw, my wife and I are both certified bonkers and we're going strong after 14 years. Maybe you have to be crazy to make it work? Hmmm ...

[brainhi]

I married later in life... and I am now divorced. I thought with all that time I was smart enough to get through the crap I saw other marriages were having. I always thought I was "missing" something if I did not marry. I was pitied by others even though I was pretty happy being single.

Come to find out marriage was not what I really wanted. But you could not have told me that before hand.. I had to go through it. I have no regrets - 2 people had beautiful dreams and they did not work out - that is sad.

I know marriage may work for others. For me, it is easier to have a great friendship without being in eachothers' day to day responsibilites. Maybe as I get older, it might be smart to marry so we can take care of eachother - with what legally matters. Maybe by then an attorney can just handle those details.

I feel no guilt, shame, loneliness or that I am might be "missing" out on something by not being married. I realize I would have never come to that insight unless I had the experience of marriage.

[Yismymindblank12]

I don't plan on being married, because that's just not how I want my relationship to be the goal of, even if it's for many couples their goal. Maybe I'd rather it be based on something that be easier for the both of us, but rather not reliant on marriage or anything like that. I'd like to have it, but I'm not too big on it, most of time. I'd rather avoid it at all costs, it works for some, but not for me. I'd rather spend happiness with the other person without the certificate without the benefits than have the marriage cheat me out of my false illusion that it bring prosper. It's been something I've known as a child growing up exposed to unhappy couples in marriage whether if it's my parents or my many times my closets friends parents all divorced. Feeling just for me, not that it has to be for everyone that it feels like I'm trapped and I'm happy with commitment just not with all the other things that comes with marriage.

[stieg]

Why do people get married?

Let me explain it the true way. People get married to avoid being discriminated as singles. Let's face it. This is a singlephobic nation. If they don't see you with a boyfriend or girlfriend they suspect you're gay or lesbian. If you're single your friends won't want to hang out with you to social events. If you're single you might be considered the black sheep of the family. Now if you're married then deus ex machina, everyone accepts you and everyone is happy. That's the sad and real truth.

[Yismymindblank12]

Originally Posted by stieg

Why do people get married?

Let me explain it the true way. People get married to avoid being discriminated as singles. Let's face it. This is a singlephobic nation. If they don't see you with a boyfriend or girlfriend they suspect you're gay or lesbian. If you're single your friends won't want to hang out with you to social events. If you're single you might be considered the black sheep of the family. Now if you're married then deus ex machina, everyone accepts you and everyone is happy. That's the sad and real truth.

I sadly agree with you, not everyone is all like that deep down, but definitely will go out their way to appear as such and others are just that, superficial and worry only what others think and are a slave to the society we live in.

See people don't get despite that some people say they accept homosexuality and things they don't understand the still back up their own subconscious beliefs on this, because of the fear of the unknown, causing irrefutable harm on others unintentionally. I seen this too much where I live, people say they are for gay rights and the people who truly aren't like this really go out their way to help others as a guide from the sea of ignorant abyss. A lot of people say they know they answer everyone including me on anything, but they really don't yes the sky is blue, but is the sky blue. Yes that man or woman is not in a relationship does it really matter and does it have to be their gay or is it your insecurities bypassing your logic to see that you should not press your own anger and suppressed feelings onto others, but instead vent in a healthy manner and show that you care.

Preferably not everyone believes these things and a lot of people do, but everyone no matter single or not, are all happy to some degree. I'm suffering wanting to be close not to actually need to be married, I don't understand the concept why to do it, it kinda diminishes it for me, as of the society how it makes it out to be, if I were to marry that person did not only work their way to my heart and my soul, but they gave me the security and locked themselves away with me so I'm not afraid anymore. They wanted me for me and nothing else, unlike most people want the benefits of marriage, or had kids unexpectedly, or made poor relationship choices. Rather most people stay single to avoid this, but inevitably so many people choosing to be single and not helping themselves properly leaves a big giant mess of unhappy people married and not.

It's also to blame that we put emphasis that women are weak and men are strong when either or can actually reach similar potential or higher. Despite that, if we were to ever get passed not break ups, but our own differences to actually find our own happiness to share with others not because we "love them" it's because we find our happiness is worthy to be shared with individuals. Our culture was all about this before, but got lost astray when corporations started implementing ideas to get more money and exploiting the happiness perverting our own beliefs and leaving us confused and without a say. That's why as children we are exposed to boy and girl toys and how girls and women are supposed to look pretty and frail and men are supposed to be tough and strong, it's kinda like a mind trick, a devious, but very simple one since at children we are unaware, but if our parents fell under that spell disaster has been made and you have control of a nation.

It's not really something to be paranoid about, it's something to keep in mind, because it's a very quiet idea. It's actually everywhere we look now, we can't escape it.

The only way to escape our own madness and showing that we are just humans with our bio functions and we do these monotonous tasks as either careers or basic jobs, to bring our own fulfillment whether it's for someone else or ourselves. We haven't changed ever mentally, but we are finally starting to be aware accepting ourselves more, because people like me and you and everyone who tries to look into a more critical position on mental health understand it's not really about if they are sad or not. It's suffering, on a different level, you can't reach it by normal means or talking neither medication. Hence why couples go to couples therapy, they can't get to each other's hearts because they are blinded by their own arrogance, sadness, grief, anger, or whatever suffering they may be enduring. It's why things get toxic, but it's normal for things to fall apart and people don't see why that being single is good.

It's a break from your own madness, but it can create madness within itself, but sometimes people like me, who are addicted to need love and affection from a lack there of they will go to great lengths to achieve it even marriage when they don't love the person and they maybe very abusive, it's just to satisfy a missing part of their own issues they can't seem to help on their own not because they aren't smart enough nor incapable, it's just they don't have the resources, friends, and support that gives them what they truly need over what they want.

I've spent so much time looking at unlocking the secrets to relationships deep inside then stepping back out and finalizing the overall picture. I see that both men and women are at each other's throats at times from the outside it continues through early dating and superficial stuff that teenagers can't seem to grasp most of the time, but when those teenagers mature to young adults mentally and realizing love isn't about getting the toughest and hottest guy nor the prettiest/sexiest girl for whatever suits your sexual needs. It's about being validated.

All humans need it, despite who you are. So there is no gender stereotypes to begin with other than what was incorporated as a survival mechanism long ago and we now need to realize that our pain is normal our suffering and then the sweet bliss of redemption is normal. Love is normal, the idea of feeling that someone might have the potential to satisfy what you need in whatever it is from good to bad intentions they are the one you chose.

It's all comes down to the choice that really backs up why you love and marry that person. This may be too deep in thought for some of you, but if you'd like me to reiterate this I'd be happy to.

I feel the need to say, my work on reading this and understanding how I can help others despite my own insanity gives me a supernatural insight of a kinda outside the box genius brain. I can understand empathy and recognize a situation in the making as it plays out, sometimes I wish I could intervene and be the medium, because I'd rather people use their rational sense to take care of themselves before resulting to doing anything rash even if it appears to be a positive thing in the short run.

I've done extensive research on men and women, and just using real world interactions and understanding culture of different perspectives. I've came to the conclusion.

The meaning of getting married is very different of what it used to be made for we are currently transitioning to a time that our old ways are dying now and the new is coming in. Despite that we will have to accept that one day, polyamory, homosexuality, monogamy may all change from this. Someday maybe homosexuality might be the norm, you never know.

Why this reoccuring theme happens, it's because people let it happen. There isn't much communication in a community people are online and connected through the web. It's isolation, but a community of isolationists.

I'm not trying to bring any conspiracy it's just what I see all the time, it's not that I'm saying there is a right way to handle this, but I feel people should take several steps back or however much they need to see the big picture that people are people. No matter where they are from. It takes a true hard look to see and anyone can do this, that you don't need marriage or love to find happiness, and happiness is what you make of it. It's a theme in all religion and hardship stories in real world scenarios.

Sadly, people only want to box things in and dumb it down for others only ending up confusing their self and the others they tell this closed knowledge to. So where I end this is saying, you can get married, you should get married if you feel you need to that's how you want to do it, but recognize your self and the other individual. If it doesn't seem you are going in for any of the right reasons, don't do it EVER no matter how innocent and in the moment it may seem.

Marriage is tough, think of it like not a test of each other, but a symbol of achievement. That they made it this far without kicking each other out and they aren't doing this for sexual gratification or to have children, they only want to spend their little minutes and moments lasting no matter how good, bad and small it can be. That's what it's supposed to be, but I don't expect having this happen to myself so I live single not caring what others think, because being me is more important than being what others think of me.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by BlindedByTheDark

If you get married, you have to stay with that person for the rest of your life. If you don't get married you can change your mind and it's okay. If you get a divorce, it cost money.

Why do people get married anyway, what difference does it make?

I think part is an altruistic dream of love, that brings two people together. Maybe it's naive, maybe it's not.
I naively believed that my ex loved me, perhaps he did in his own way. What separates many, is a severe incompatibility, when it boils down to it. There were unfulfilled, a clearly never to be fulfilled dreams. Believed I'd found someone that would be a supportive companion through the ups and downs of life. There was a great imbalance in responsibility. I was dealing with personality aspects that I was ill prepared to filter through, until already well into it, married and with children. I was 27, when I married, not exactly wet behind the ears with relationship matters.

Not sure about walking the aisle again, although in end of life matters, has it's upside.

Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk

[brainhi]

This doctor has helped me understand a lot about the BIG questions of love, marriage, lust, cheating and so on. It helps to have this knowledge...and it does not take any of the beauty out of it - for me anyway..

Helen Fisher, PhD Biological Anthropologist, is a member of the Center for Human Evolutionary Studies in the Department of Anthropology, Rutgers University and Chief Scientific Advisor to the Internet dating site Match.com. She has conducted extensive research and written five books on the evolution and future of human sex, love, marriage, gender differences in the brain and how your personality type shapes who you are and who you love....
Dr Helen Fisher - Biological Anthropologist - Home Page

PS.. online dating has not worked for me.

[CosmicRose]

Marriage is a huge commitment. I'm on the fence about marriage personally, I don't mind that other people get married of course, but sometimes I think marriage just isn't for me. You're right it is easier to break up with someone if you aren't married to them, on the other hand, that's exactly why some people get married - in theory it holds more commitment and it's harder to end so people tend to work on their relationship harder as opposed to "See ya!".
But still, there are tons of married people that divorce and say "See ya!" too.
If you are going to get married ever, my advice is to date that person for at least 1 year and have a long engagement. There's absolutely no reason to rush marriage, especially if you think you're going to stay together forever anyway.
I know far too many people who got married after knowing the person for only a few weeks or a few months. This is a bad idea. Sure you might get lucky and it could work out, but all the people I've known personally who have gotten married very fast end up divorcing very fast too.
A few weeks or months just isn't enough time to make such a huge commitment to someone. You have to remember you're not only going to live with that person, but you're going to mix all your finances with that person, you also take on any debt they might have, etc...

Originally Posted by BlindedByTheDark

If you get married, you have to stay with that person for the rest of your life. If you don't get married you can change your mind and it's okay. If you get a divorce, it cost money.

Why do people get married anyway, what difference does it make?

You ask the best questions Blinded. I've been married 15 years and do not have an answer for you.

My husband and I married because we love each other and believe in long-term commitment and the sanctity of marriage. I grew up around many long-term marriages that modeled the trust, honor, love, and respect of good marriages. My parents have been married 62 years. Being around marriages over 50-60 years is my "normal" and they were amazing couples and families. My husband and I have been together 28 years. We aren't perfect; no such thing. But we do love, honor, and respect each other in deeply committed way, so we have learned to work through our problems, persevere through some very difficult life events, and support and respect each other through it all.

[NWgirl2013]

All I know is ~ more people marry for the wrong reasons than the right ones.

I am amusedly/bemusedly watching a young friends' new marriage, as I am convinced she married the wrong person for her, and plenty of people who love her tried to show her the red flags. She has an immature expectation that once married, all will be happy, joyful fun-times. That fallacy started to crumble on her wedding day when Mr Wrong scolded her like a child for expecting him to do certain groom duties he promised her.

Now she is expecting, as that was the next block to check on her happiness list. And surprise! it's twins, instant family. Now she will have three children to look after, if you count her spouse in there. And she is miserable. Darn!

There is an old adage about marriage: The mans life doesn't really change a whole lot. But everything about the woman's life is altered forever. Does anyone else find that to be true?

Men & women seem to have different expectations. I know what I am supposed to believe about why people get married. But those good marriages seem to be few and far between, IMHO, apologies to those happy few.

I don't think marriage and commitment is the problem with most marriages. I think it's living with each other that kills it for so many. A dilemma to be sure ...

Great question, and an important one.

I think people get married because:
- Society expects it. It is seen as a measure of a person's success in life.
- To have children: Some folks do not believe in children outside of wedlock (I'm one of those people).
- It is for two people to show the world, and themselves, the level of commitment they have towards each other. Why not just stay bf and gf, or even domestic partners ? Because I wanna show you how much I love you.
- Money/Celebrity. I live in a place where this happens all too often. Disgusting to say the least.
- Stability/Predictability: This is HUGE, I think. It really helps to be able to count on something being true everyday when you come home from work. There's the smell of hot soup and pasta coming from the kitchen, and there's someone you can tell about your day.

Given the success rate of marriages, I, personally, am not sure I'd ever get married. I don't think there's anything wrong with just being bf and gf forever. And, divorces are unnecessarily NASTY.

[Koko2]

Originally Posted by stieg

Why do people get married?

Let me explain it the true way. People get married to avoid being discriminated as singles. Let's face it. This is a singlephobic nation. If they don't see you with a boyfriend or girlfriend they suspect you're gay or lesbian. If you're single your friends won't want to hang out with you to social events. If you're single you might be considered the black sheep of the family. Now if you're married then deus ex machina, everyone accepts you and everyone is happy. That's the sad and real truth.

This is the truth within my family and in the workplace. I'm considered socially and mentally flawed, perhaps gay. My siblings talk about almost nothing other than their family and children. Also, according to an article, married people get more sex, and it can be disproportionately more considering the average married person has sex three times a week, 52 weeks a year. Those weeks add up. It's like putting money into a savings account early in life and letting the compound interest accrue.

[lizardlady]

Originally Posted by BlindedByTheDark

If you get married, you have to stay with that person for the rest of your life. If you don't get married you can change your mind and it's okay. If you get a divorce, it cost money.

Why do people get married anyway, what difference does it make?

I believe there are many different reasons.

Societal/family expectations. There is a common expectation that if two people are committed to each other they will marry. And for some folks, that's the reason they get married. They want to publicly say "I plan to be with this person the rest of my life."

Religious reasons - some faiths believe it is a sin to live with someone and not be married to them.

Financial and legal reasons - others mentioned end of life or medical decisions. In some really ugly situations blood relatives can prevent a partner from making decisions about the other person because they are not married. Some insurance companies will not provide coverage for a partner if the people are not married. There are death benefits available through Social Security for a spouse, but not a live-in.

Some folks are terrified of being alone. They marry so they are not alone.

Some folks believe that if they marry the other person can never leave them.