[Pingu]

Hi everyone, It's been a while since I have been on these forums. I have a couple of issues but the most damning of all is the immense loneliness that I have had throughout my life and the extinction of any relationships. It's not that I don't try, I do my best but nothing is ever good enough. No one wants to know me. I don't know what to do, I get very upset and angry and slip back into depression. There is nothing to look forward to. This is how my whole life has been. I keep getting up just to be knocked back down again and again. I definitely don't have any self esteem or confidence. A while back I did go out with this woman for 2 years but it was very stale and frustrating as well. We had met on a blind date and I quite liked her and I tried my best to make something of it but for the entire duration I was put on the back burner, she never once called me, there were only 2 days in the week she could see me which were a Wednesday night and a Sunday night (basically when there was nothing happening) at times she forgot we had arranged to meet up and asked to make it the next week. It was like flogging a dead horse. At one point I didn't make contact for a month just to see if she would contact me then phoned her after, she was like "Oh, where have you been, did you call me by mistake?" ???? WTF, I didn't make anything of it though I wanted to and our "relationship" continued for another year just the same as it had been until she then met someone else. So in all a complete waste of time. Lately I have been trying online dating, I know that these things mostly don't work but it is all I have at the moment. I did meet with someone and we met a few times and I thought everything was ok between us. After two weeks she told me she wouldn't be seeing me as she was getting back with her ex. then a few days later she asked me to go and see her, which I did. (the ex story is probably a big fat lie!) a day after that she didn't want to see me... ?!?!?!?? We got chatting on messenger and I asked what was wrong and she said I was too quiet and shy. So I asked what was wrong with that and she said nothing, but then why is it such an issue??? So I am asking you, what is wrong with being quiet and shy? What do women want? Why can't women be honest either? I am completely honest with everyone and don't mess anyone around. All I know from women is that I am a really nice guy but.... (and a really big but, which I don't know what it is). Why can't anyone accept me for who I am? Sorry for going on like this. By the way I am 33 years old and 33 years of loneliness.

[Wants2Fly]

Hello Pingu --

I can empathize. I am much older and struggle with the challenge of being an introvert in a society (the US) that is an extrovert society.

There is a group, meetup.com, in some parts of the country where different kinds of interest groups post when they are going to have meetups. Everything from the arts to biking, spirituality to you-name-it.

Best wishes for finding that special someone and developing your interests and social skills while you wait.

[Soidhonia]

Hello Pingu.
It is very hard with Depression to want to integrate into relationships with others. I attend support groups and that helps quite a bit ,because everyone is under the same understandindg that most people are diagnosed or suffer from depression, so the oddity of having to feel abnormal does not usually exist very long due to the understanding that everyone is at the groups for support and commeraderie. I hope things get better for you soon Pingu, there is also a chat here at Psych Central where you can meet new aquaintences as well. Take care and good day. Soidhonia

[Fuzzybear]

I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and I hope things get better..... hope to see more of your posts

Pingu, i to hope things get better.......being honest is important.

[froggie2]

Hi Pingu. Sorry you are having a bad time of it. If I am depressed I can be very quiet and sometimes shy. When I am not I am more talkative. I am happy with my BF now but before if I dated and someone I didn't know was too quiet it was hard to get to know them. I didn't know what to say or if I did there was no answer with which to get a conversation going. Does that make Sense?? I hate having to make all the conversation. Does that give you some insight? Good starting place is to figuire out YOUR passions and then find places where everyone likeing that goes. I love to Garden. If I go to a garden show, or shop I invariably meet someone who thinks much like me. Hope this doesn't affend you. but maybe give you some ideas. It is hard when you are feeling shy. Don't give up. You have to sell yourself. Like a car salesman. You wouldn't buy an unknown car. We women want to know what we are getting into and we can only learn by conversation and sharing ideas what model we are getting. Have fun!

[Pingu]

Thanks for your replies. I just don't know what to do, I feel like I am living on a different planet to everyone else. There are just so many things that confuse me and I don't understand. I don't know how others see me, I know generally people see me as laid back and nice. I do have difficuly in showing emotions and can't cope in social situations. Most of the time I am invisible to others and not noticed. I can talk at times in comfortable situations and I try my best. Anyway, in the last couple of weeks this woman that I had seen, has contacted me twice and both times asked to meet up with me then later called it off. Also this appears to be something that happens regularly to me in any relationship that I try. She only seems to contact me when she feels like it and ignores me the rest of the time. This is turning out just the same as all other relationships I try??? It's a never ending cycle. Eventually she will forget about me or find someone else. Also at times when we are talking, she says things I just don't understand. I usually end up saying the wrong thing, how do you answer something that makes no sense?? Last time we spoke on the phone when she could be bothered contacting me, she said things about involving another woman in a sexual context. What do you say?? So I said "What?". Then she went on about basically having a threesome, I asked if that was what she wanted and she said yes. "?" Then she asked me how much I was willing to pay for sex. I thought she meant to pay her and I said I wasn't going to do that, then when she explained to pay another woman for sex, I still said I wouldn't do that. Why ask these sort of things? Is that normal? Eventually it transpired she wanted to know if I was faithful. Why do it in this way? I'm completely honest with everyone and I treat everyone the same way as I would want to be treated myself. Why would she only contact me when it suits her? I try to say hello and get ignored. The same way all women seem to treat me? At least I have manners and speak back to people. Why the devious questions?

[Wants2Fly]

Pingu, it seems to me that you have a choice.
You can continue with the same behaviors and expect other people to change. Or you can decide to change, perhaps by developing new interests so that you have more things to talk about, perhaps by working with a T to develop self-esteem, perhaps by taking classes or courses in self-development or something that interests you. You may have experiment for a while to produce the outcome you desire.

As all of us learn, I think at some point in life, doing the same things over produces the same results.

Wishing you all the best in finding your way.