[MGbetaShinra]

I hope that this finds you all well, but the only reason I'm here is in seeking of an answer to finding internal peace. last week, my mind formulated a very intrusive thought of breaking up with my girlfriend. There is nothing wrong between us, I couldn't be any happier with her. She means a lot
to me. This feeling is well reciprocated with her as well. However, ever since that thought, my mind has been at war with my heart in trying to put up self defense mechanisms that would prevent me from experiencing the same pain that I had felt in the previous relationship, childhood attachment insecurities, and the fear of love and attachment itself. this would includes doubts that I honestly don't have. I can only gather that it's because I care so much for her that these thoughts have bothered me. I come in search of potential solutions to finding peace within myself, as I saw that this was beginning to bother her and I simply can't have that. so if anyone out there is able to put out words of advice, I would be happy to hear it. I'm ready to overcome
this self-imposed mental burden.

[Bill3]

How frequently do you experience intrusive thoughts? I would suggest talking about them with a Pdoc and/or a therapist.

[MGbetaShinra]

I have started talking to a councilor, but more
or less, it's like I need a way to quell that inner part of me that has these thoughts, to over come that. now it has just turned into anxiety which has become a problem.

[MGbetaShinra]

Originally Posted by Bill3

How frequently do you experience intrusive thoughts? I would suggest talking about them with a Pdoc and/or a therapist.

those intrusive thoughts have not been as strong since they occurred since last Saturday, but in a way, it scared me so much that as a result I think I have anxiety and fear that it would happen again. as for counciling, I have taken action and had my first visit Thursday. it was explained in a way that made me
feel a lot better, but the anxiety is still there. perhaps what it is I seek is a way to just quell the anxiety itself. I feel though today was a step in the right direction.

[divine1966]

I have the kind of thoughts in every relationship I had but for me it is my guts speaking to me about my relationship being wrong etc I feel this way for a reason. If you think there is totally nothing wrong with your relationship speak to your t? Is it your fear of commitment?

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[Cris80pitt]

You need to find a good therapist and seeing him from time to time will not help. Go as many times as you can and the more you will talk to him/her the more you will feel better. For problems such is yours it takes time to get rid of insecurity. There is nothing wrong with you but due to some things you went through in the past you have some level of fear and insecurity. With good therapist that should pass soon. I had a similar problem and today I am very relaxed and I feel happy and confident. But you have to put a lot of effort in changing yourself and the way you see things.

[MGbetaShinra]

Originally Posted by Cris80pitt

You need to find a good therapist and seeing him from time to time will not help. Go as many times as you can and the more you will talk to him/her the more you will feel better. For problems such is yours it takes time to get rid of insecurity. There is nothing wrong with you but due to some things you went through in the past you have some level of fear and insecurity. With good therapist that should pass soon. I had a similar problem and today I am very relaxed and I feel happy and confident. But you have to put a lot of effort in changing yourself and the way you see things.

What were some of the things that your therapist told you to do that helped you obtain that inner peace? knowing that might help me with what I'm going through right now. little by little, I notice changes for the better, but I know that this is a long road. The advice I obtain from here from everyday people would be invaluable to me.

[bipolarrhea77]

Originally Posted by MGbetaShinra

I hope that this finds you all well, but the only reason I'm here is in seeking of an answer to finding internal peace. last week, my mind formulated a very intrusive thought of breaking up with my girlfriend. There is nothing wrong between us, I couldn't be any happier with her. She means a lot
to me. This feeling is well reciprocated with her as well. However, ever since that thought, my mind has been at war with my heart in trying to put up self defense mechanisms that would prevent me from experiencing the same pain that I had felt in the previous relationship, childhood attachment insecurities, and the fear of love and attachment itself. this would includes doubts that I honestly don't have. I can only gather that it's because I care so much for her that these thoughts have bothered me. I come in search of potential solutions to finding peace within myself, as I saw that this was beginning to bother her and I simply can't have that. so if anyone out there is able to put out words of advice, I would be happy to hear it. I'm ready to overcome
this self-imposed mental burden.

Hey there! It's hard that your old relationships always end up punishing your new love. It's like she is innocent would never hurt you like the past did.I get it my ex husband tormented me, he got in my head and I had a mental breakdown, he alienated me from everyone I know he was just aweful and now I have a new boyfriend that loves me a lot and treats me real good, we have never gotten I to a fight, for the first time in my life I finally feel happiness I my heart, but I get real scared he is going to cheat on me or that he has hidden secrets, and he doesn't deserve that cuzip he is not my past he does not have the negative defected flaws my past has he is my present, don't push your girlfriend away, you could lose her all together, just communicate with her that you are having these feelings and you need to release those emotions to her 1st will respect you and love you even more. Just remember she is not your ex she is not going to hurt you the way your ex did. Just talk to her and tell her what's in your heart it will show growth in your relationship and you 2 will only be stronger and solid. Trust me on this one. Well hit me up anytime have a good one and good luck to u..Sara

[Rose76]

How long have you been involved with this girl? If it is less than one year, then you are wanting a level of security that only comes after more time has been spent in a relationship. Hang in there and your doubts (which by the way do exist, as they should) will ease up as you and she grow in your trust of each other.

What may be bothering her is that you seem to be looking for a guarantee that she doesn't feel she owes you at this point. Understand that. Understand that you are in the "courting" phase of a relationship, where it is your job to convince the girl that she will be happy sharing her life with you.

You've found that rejection hurts and you don't want to feel that pain again. Welcome to the club. We all would like to never feel rejection. Taking a chance on getting rejected is the price you pay to have a shot at getting this, or any, girl. If that's too high a price for you to pay, then stop having anything much to do with anyone. But know there is a price to pay when you do that. The price is painful loneliness.

It's better to risk the pain of possible rejection than to incur the pain of guaranteed loneliness. So you are on the right and healthy track. Getting rejected didn't kill you when it happened before. It won't kill you, if it happens again.

Instead of trying to talk yourself into believing that this girl would never reject you, which you are too smart to believe because you know it's possible that she may, tell yourself this: Tell yourself that you are taking a risk that is worth taking. It's worth taking because people who won't ever risk rejection live miserable lives. So you've decided to take the risk of getting rejected because you know it won't kill you and, if it happens, you will move on and find other opportunities for love and acceptance. Keep telling yourself that, even though it seems to be a hard truth. Sometimes, you have to kind of brain wash yourself, when your brain needs to be cleansed of toxic thinking.

There is a kind of toxic thinking where a guy tells himself that "This relationship that I am in now absolutely has to work out the way I want, or I will be destroyed in my heart and live with be worthless to me." That's the kind of thinking that leads some rejected guys to go completely nuts and even kill girlfriends who have rejected them. ("She has put a pain on me that I can't possibly endure.") I don't think you're that messed up in your mind. You just have bought into this concept that life shouldn't involve real serious pain, and you want someone to reassure you that that is true. Well, it's not true. Life does involve a lot of pain, no matter how you live it. The good news is that human beings who accept that life is as it is can withstand a lot of pain and can get past the pain to the good stuff.