I feel lost and hurt at the moment in this relationship, a line had been crossed

I've been dating this guy for 3 months and have talked to him about how I would like to wait till marriage for sex. I had told him how I value security, honesty and trust in a relationship. Plus, which I haven't told him yet is that it's not all do to purity but also the fact I have a disorder and don't want to take risk with someone I don't know that well yet. There is 50/50 chance of me having a child that has worse symptoms than I did/do, which could end up being Autism. I do not want to have a child that would have to go through a life like that. He does know about my disorder though and what comes a long with it, which my flaws.

I can also tell you that I have not been this far into a relationship because of my disorder and medications that kept me from being emotionally aware of myself and being available. And of course still learning certain things as I go... which is just like everybody else.

But one thing is I don't think he sees my values very well. He's asked me certain questions and tells me things that I find to be too far, which are sexual. I do agree it's healthy to talk about sex in a relationship but I find it to be too early to be talking that far; I feel uncomfortable.

Though last night he was asking me if I did feel uncomfortable about him talking about it but I didn't have too much to say. (which happens to be a symptom: when I'm worn out and tired I hardly can express much and don't think to clearly.) I thought it was weird of him asking me if I felt uncomfortable of him think about me when he does dirty things. He did ask this after we had been kissing and touching each other for a long time and no, not down below. I feel we may have gone too far with all the physical affection. I didn't think too much about it until this morning when I felt hurt. I guess I just don't want to be tempted and that's what was going on, at both ends. Though one thing that bothered me was that he was making a joke about my clothes, which he said I didn't find anything skimpy. My thought was why would you think that when you know that I'm not that way.

It may seem that I am a religious person but I am not. I can say that I do value certain aspects of different religions though. I have never looked too deep into religions but I find them to be fascinating and do want to read more about them and I do want to become more spiritual too. I think by this situation happening last night though that it has helped me become more fully aware of myself and I take it as a good thing.

Of course you probably can see already that he isn't a virgin and of course has different view on religion and certain values, though he did tell me that he would like to look into them more. I know he is a good guy though because of all that we have talked about. When we had talked about me wanting to wait till marriage. He later had told me how he thinks sex is important to him in a relationship(before marriage) and I about ended the relationship due to that. He later told me that he will wait and had thought about what he had said because I am worth a lot and that I'm a sweet person. He had not come a cross a person like me and that he likes me "a lot". He can be pretty low on himself and not aware of himself a lot of the time. From what he has told me he hasn't been in good relationships, including friendships. With this relationship I think he is realizing it more too. He has been working on himself for a while...

But now I'm trying to think of what to say to him because of what all has happened, I am NOT thinking clearly and still have some hurt feelings lurking(plus some anxiety). I guess I need to be more clear on not going too far even though I feel I have told him before. I am going to be away for over a week with my family so I will not be around him. I think this will be healthy and let me think more clearly about this relationship later. I do like him but is this truly not going anywhere...? Is he thinking much about last night? hmmm? I'm sure a day or two I will think more clear on this and help on here will help too. I would like your thoughts because I am not exactly in the now and I'm sure it will help some...

Hi HockingPastryChef

There are number of things in this post:

I want to touch base on this one -

"But one thing is I don't think he sees my values very well. He's asked me certain questions and tells me things that I find to be too far, which are sexual. I do agree it's healthy to talk about sex in a relationship but I find it to be too early to be talking that far; I feel uncomfortable."

You need to make a clear statement about this.

I know that you have said you already have.

But use this time whilst you are on holiday to reflect upon your relationship and the value it will have for you if this relationship goes forward in the future.

And about what your alternatives are if he continues to choose to ignore the fact that you are uncomfortable discussing this with him yet repeatedly ignores this sign.

Best wishes to you.

Thank you.

I guess be a lot more forward when I talk to him again. I see, if I choose to stay with him that I need to put more of my patience on the line and repeat certain things toward him; he does forget a lot.

I think I will tell him that "I do like the affection but I don't want to go too far into talking about sex and making too many sexual comments in this relationship; I do feel uncomfortable. I know I have not been clear enough about this and have almost let it fly by but please stop." Ask him how he sees this relationship too.

I will reflect upon it more during the time of being away too...

Hi HockingPastryChef

Yes, it is rather complex.

I mean you have communicated this to him on the past.

In my honest opinion; you shouldn't really have to be in a position where you have to be more "forward" with him.

You've communicated this already and he should have, in theory, listened the first time.

But then again I guess we all choose what we are going to listen to.

I think part of what you need to communicate with him is exactly this:

When you state something; you are giving quite a firm opinion; and you would appreciate it if your opinion is listened to; rather than brushed off or ignored or glanced over.

I think that what you want to tell him is good.

And asking him for his input as to how he sees this relationship too is also a good strategy.

Best wishes with communicating this one.

I think you've expressed it well here.

If he is wise, he will hear you.

I wonder that hearing that you waiting till marriage after only 3 months scares him? Does he even want to be married? I think he shouldn't be demanding sex from you but I think it is his right to express his opinion. Personally if a guy told me he wants To wait till marriage I'd leave because I don't even know if I want to be married! And I would maybe feel pressured to marry him. Did you two talk about marriage?

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He's not scared about that, we don't even talk about marriage. I think it's too soon to even think that far ahead. We have gone as far as talking about us two wanting a committed relationship and not casual dating. But he wasn't demanding for sex and I don't see any problem with him expressing his opinions. I'm not sure where I had stated that.

But I have talked to him about that night and he even said that was a mess though there were certain parts he didn't regret but he apologized for what happened. I admit it wasn't just his fault either.

Thanks for your comment, it has helped.

I was actually nervous when talking about this to him, I think me waiting a while was the problem. He told me that he wanted me to tell him sooner and knew after that night it was a mess.

The next time we hangout we plan to write and talk more about our values, personal and relationship.