Am I overreacting? Do coworkers share this info randomly?

How likely is it that this was business only?

After a period of intense fighting my boyfriend and I agreed that our main issue was me not knowing what I wanted following him breaching my trust almost two years ago. So we agreed that I'd call him back with my answer. I really needed time to think, so I didn't call back with my answer until 12 days later.

Before I gave him my answer, I asked him if anything had changed, if he was seeing anyone of interested in anyone. He said per an earlier agreement he wanted to share that he was interested in an indirect coworker and had given her his business card. I asked him about her and gave me her age and said she asked his relationship status but that nothing romantic had occurred. He stated that he hadn't expressed interest and that the card was given in a business setting but obviously had his contact info on it.

I appreciated his honesty because he betrayed my trust before but how did he come to know the woman's age and why did she feel so comfortable asking about his relationship status if they haven't had any non business related conversation?

He refused to answer me citing the possibility of him answering those questions leading to endless questions. So I broke off our relationship, feeling that he was withholding damaging information or lying.

Am I overreacting?

It is hard to tell if you are over reacting. You certainly seem slow reacting waiting 12 days to get back to him. Does that mean you had a lot of issues on your mind that had to be resolved?

With his latest meeting of a coworker, you appeared to conclude he betrayed trust again, by dismissing the relationship.

Is this trust issue a big one for you?

Yes, I had a lot to consider and I was on the tail end of a tough interview process for a new job that I hadn't made him aware of.

Trust has been a huge issue for us as he emotionally cheated two years ago and I've not fully recovered. So to introduce the coworker triggered me and seemed like a bad sign.

I can't say whether you should have dumped him over it, but he did make a sketchy citation. I'm still trying to figure out exactly what he meant.

Yeah that citation just rang as false to me. He answered every question except how such personal information came to be disclosed through "business" communication.

Usually age comes up related to something else. With muzak everywhere you might reference a song you liked in high school or college. That might lead to what year you graduated. A remake of a favorite film might lead to a comment of remembering the original at a certain age. Cars, clothing, etc., so many things could lead to that. I wouldn't think it was a big deal.

Her age was just the beginning of a "possibility of endless questions". He's confessed to a literally infinite intrigue.

Wait a minute -- you guys were talking about your next steps and before you got back to him with an answer, he started pursuing someone else? Am I reading this wrong?

Intense fighting, endless questions, agreements, twelve days to answer,talks of interests in other people...

Is this even the right relationship for you?

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He became interested in someone but hasn't acted on it, he says.

He thought I'd turn it into an interrogation if he answered those questions.

That's been a big question.

He says it came up in a group setting, he didn't ask her someone else did.

Sounds like he was flirting.

He's not the flirting type. I certainly think the business card was a gesture though.

Unless you enjoy living a life full of tension, i would cut my losses. He broke your trust two years ago. You haven't gotten over it and i doubt you ever will given his current behaviour.

Just because he flamed out with this woman doesn't mean he will stop trying.

What is your gut feeling?

Sounds like a disaster to me.

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Was this supposed to be helpful?

Thank you for this, it's spot on. He says he's been giving for a long time and not getting anything in return. He's somewhat right. He also said he entertained the thought of being with someone else because I've been sitting in the fence. I appreciate his honesty as I entertained similar thoughts, I just never acted.

We're turning away from each other and that's not good. When he had the emotional affair I admit I was on the fence and giving him no assurance because his child has started trying to break us up and I was hurt and angry so I checked out. Doesn't excuse his behavior but I wasn't all in. Everyday I was threatening to leave if he didn't fix his child's issues, at the time I was pretty fearful and immature. I know he felt quite alone. Still trust is a trigger for me so while I came to know from the girl that he cheated with that nothing really happened between them I just decided to sit on the fence some more out of fear while he tried to show me for two years that he loves me.

That said, I'm disturbed by this latest looking away from me by him though appreciative of his honesty about it. We agreed to share this type of thing rather than cheat. My gut says he volunteered the info with good intentions but got freaked out by my accusations and decided to withhold the additional info I wanted to take back some power.

ETA: He's a CSA survivor and (this is not to generalize) but not feeling validated as a man is a huge trigger for him which is why his straying has been emotional, I think. He's in individual therapy for it and I see him volunteering this info as evidence of some changes. I'm also in therapy. I guess it's an issue of compatibility of ailments as sad as that sounds.

Yes.

This is a disaster. What you are describing is an unhealthy relationship, on both ends. Neither person trusts the other. One person isn't communicative for nearly two weeks after a fight while the other is looking elsewhere. This, for me at least, would be disastrous and I think that it would be for anyone. It sounds like there are a lot of issues here, and that you've attempted to work through them and I applaud you for that. But it also sounds like things haven't really gotten anywhere and you're spinning your wheels and that may not be good for either of you. It may sting but I believe divine1966 was right on the mark.

It wasn't a fight that led to the almost two weeks of no communication. We agreed that I wouldn't call back until I had an answer for him and during the almost two weeks I was interviewing for a job to get out of my currently extremely stressful living situation. I should have told him that but I figured we'd agreed that I wouldn't call without an answer.

ETA: His/her comment wasn't helpful because it was snarky and not useful. I asked a question so I'm open to comments and criticism but snark is uncalled for and rude.

I don't think she meant it that way--most people on here don't mean it that way even if it comes across as such. Everyone has a different style, and it's pretty difficult to truly distinguish tone when reading text. I'm not always great at this but it's usually best to go with not taking things personally because it's almost always not meant to be snarky or rude.

I understand but I notice a harshness here sometimes that I wouldn't expect given the challenges ppl here face day to day living with MI. I'm not asking for support, just maturity in posting. A quick scan of divine's posts revealed that she's been recently acquainted with trauma and pain related to relationships, I'd expect her to be a little more sensitive to others struggling with issues in relationships.

How can there be a relationship if both of you are perpetually having "one foot out the door"?

Yes. When there is something totally bad happening in my relationship I want people to tell me what they think. You two argue a lot then you need 12 days to decide and he is already interested in someone else. For me that is a disaster tmzbe

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