[fight&win]

I just came back after watching a movie titled "Badlapur"(Hindi). Literal translation is Revenge-land. Its is quite an emotional movie (not action stuff). Its about a guy who looses his beloved wife and only child killed during a bank robbery. The movie starts with an african proverb... ' The axe forgets but the tree remembers'. The songs in that movie made me cry. It has set me thinking...

My depression was triggered due to failure in winning the woman I loved. The associated shame heaped on me, by people around me, also played a big part.Maybe I was not up to mark and so I didnt get the attention I desired from that woman, hence I will let that go. But I was (& still am) hurt by all the indirect jeering and booing which happened behind my back (& sometimes in my face). That public shame played a big part in destroying my confidence and esteem. It pushed me into depression.

If the following sounds like bragging, forgive me, but.....I do have some talents and I can become big. I have my own software business which could make me big, both in terms of money and fame. But due to my depression I have quit working. However I do feel I can come back. I am now 33 & unmarried, not working, poor and lagging in both career & personal life.

Now, I FEEL LIKE TAKING REVENGE ON ALL THOSE WHO PUT ME DOWN/INSULTED ME, especially that woman's boyfriends. I want to take them near death. All those suicidal thoughts which used to haunt me (& those bottomless pits of sadness & end of life feeling) , I want them to feel similar pain. But people always say revenge is bad. I dont know why it is bad if it is executed well.

Please tell me why I should not take revenge. THEY SHOULD PAY THE PRICE FOR HURTING (destroying) ME ISNT IT ?

[fight&win]

I am sad about falling back in life.

[divine1966]

Taking revenge will not make you feel good BUT they say the best revenge is living well, being successful and having maybe a better life without that person than with them

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[gayleggg]

I have found that revenge only hurts me. Rarely does it really hurt the person it's aimed at or have the wished effect. Anger and resentments turned inward turn into depression, at least that is what I was told many years ago during therapy.

[avlady]

you can get yourself into some bad @@@@ if you retaliate with revenge, it is not good. things can take a worse turn and be even worse, like someone said the best revenge is a life well lived.

[Key Lime]

Revenge seems like a good option at a time when you're frustrated, but it later comes back with horrible consequences that hurt you and those close to you. I know from personal experience what it feels like to lose the one you love most. The feeling that everyone around you is against you because of your love... I wanted to take revenge just like you do now. I'm glad that I decided not to take revenge. I instead decided to focus on other activities and goal instead of plotting my revenge. Revenge usually deals more damage than it brings true justice. It breaks friendships. I suggest focusing your attention away from the humiliation and pain(if you can... little steps...). It helps if you use all of your negative emotions on activities rather than people(maybe go for a jog or go hiking). It is hard at first, but with time it becomes easier to let go of the past.

[Parley]

Personally~ I don't believe in revenge and that is a gift from God because I can be stupid. I once got jealous of someone living well and sleeping peacefully, so, I apologized for causing him hardship. Yeah, it sounds crazy. If I didn't laugh at my dumb ***~ I'd have to cry. Now, I'm worried he isn't sleeping. Pleasure and pain?

I haven't seen the move but I doubt I'd see it as revenge. I understand the pull for wanting justice but I think your inability to win the woman you love is more about jealousy?

I don't believe in revenge because I don't want to be the one I hate.

[~Christina]

Any energy you can come up with to use for revenge would be better suited to getting back on your feet with your business and living a happy life.

[fight&win]

But justice MUST happen isnt it ? If injustices have to be forgotten then why do we have a legal/court system in our countries ? A rapist rapes for fun. Should the victim call it a bad dream and forget it ? They put me down so that they could have some fun. Isnt that criminal enough ?

I am not jealous. If another male is superior to me then he can overtake me. I accept my shortcomings. After my defeat, our paths must diverge. That would be a graceful exit ! He cannot come back and taunt me.

For revenge to work I must be stone hearted. I am training for that.
THE AXE FORGETS BUT THE TREE REMEMBERS. I sould stop remembering lest I be left with scars. But when opportunity comes I must become the AXE !

[Jan1212]

I tend to take revenge, but more passive aggressive, I used to do bad things without them knowing. Nobody wants to know what I did. However I've stopped. So much guilt afterwards and years later. I've spent so much time plotting, staying awake, then feel empty after the deed. Sorry About my disturbing post, I'm being honest.

Then I learned that those who are hurt, will hurt others, I am hurt but so are the rest of us. I don't take things so personally anymore,, idk if I'm detaching from my deepest emotions, if it's healthy or not, but for now, it is working. That's why I do t care about my past anymore. It's sort of leaving time and space to find my own happiness, I wished someone would've described something like this for me earlier

[Trippin2.0]

Courts are there for criminal activity.


Rejection isn't a crime.


I agree with Chris, if you have enough energy to plot and execute revenge, rather put it to good use and rebuild your life.


The world doesn't owe us anything, so no, you're not entitled to your revenge. We've all been rejected and or mocked in our pasts, you learn to deal, to move on.


You're blowing this whole situation way out of proportion, calling it criminal and what not.


Once you see it for what it is, rejection, and jealousy, well then you can make peace and move forward.


But until you've given up this notion that you were criminally wronged, well then you're stuck with a world of negativity.


Oh and you asked for our views...

I think its positively infantile.

[Hexagram]

So how do you plan to take revenge? False flag? Thallium? Disinformation campaign?

[divine1966]

He said he wants to take them near death, I don't know what that means "scared them to death"? I sure hope nothing violent.

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[fight&win]

@Trippin2.0 : You have reduced my case to a failed high school romance. Dont belittle my suffering. I have lost too much because of my depression.If anybody is superior to me, he/she can grab my cake and eat it too. The mighty will rule. GOT IT ??? This isnt about REJECTION at all !!! The world DOES owe me good in return, if I am good to it/others. I think this is emotionally,morally & logically sound expectation.

[fight&win]

Originally Posted by Jan1212

I tend to take revenge, but more passive aggressive, I used to do bad things without them knowing. Nobody wants to know what I did. However I've stopped. So much guilt afterwards and years later. I've spent so much time plotting, staying awake, then feel empty after the deed. Sorry About my disturbing post, I'm being honest.

Then I learned that those who are hurt, will hurt others, I am hurt but so are the rest of us. I don't take things so personally anymore,, idk if I'm detaching from my deepest emotions, if it's healthy or not, but for now, it is working. That's why I do t care about my past anymore. It's sort of leaving time and space to find my own happiness, I wished someone would've described something like this for me earlier

I have become desensitized nowadays. I see this world as a jungle where the mighty eats the less fortunate and the less fortunate eats the lesser fortunate & so on. I have accepted it as a rule.

I understand what you are trying to say. Thank you.

[fight&win]

Originally Posted by Key Lime

Revenge seems like a good option at a time when you're frustrated, but it later comes back with horrible consequences that hurt you and those close to you. I know from personal experience what it feels like to lose the one you love most. The feeling that everyone around you is against you because of your love... I wanted to take revenge just like you do now. I'm glad that I decided not to take revenge. I instead decided to focus on other activities and goal instead of plotting my revenge. Revenge usually deals more damage than it brings true justice. It breaks friendships. I suggest focusing your attention away from the humiliation and pain(if you can... little steps...). It helps if you use all of your negative emotions on activities rather than people(maybe go for a jog or go hiking). It is hard at first, but with time it becomes easier to let go of the past.

Thank you for your words.
According to you what would be TRUE JUSTICE ?.......anybody ?

Everybody, I think I have a clue to my (moral)dilemma here :
http://mahabaratastories.blogspot.in...se-of-wax.html

[divine1966]

So how are you going to take revenge? Do what? I was rejected by Someone and I myself had to reject people, I can't imagine what could be done in revenge? Like what?

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[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by fight&win

@Trippin2.0 : You have reduced my case to a failed high school romance. Dont belittle my suffering. I have lost too much because of my depression.If anybody is superior to me, he/she can grab my cake and eat it too. The mighty will rule. GOT IT ??? This isnt about REJECTION at all !!! The world DOES owe me good in return, if I am good to it/others. I think this is emotionally,morally & logically sound expectation.

I will respectfully bow out now, I am unfortunately not well versed in the world of irrationality, and know when logic and common sense are not needed.

[divine1966]

Tipping you are cracking me up

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[divine1966]

Originally Posted by fight&win

Thank you for your words.
According to you what would be TRUE JUSTICE ?.......anybody ?

Everybody, I think I have a clue to my (moral)dilemma here :
http://mahabaratastories.blogspot.in...se-of-wax.html

I looked at the link and this is a story but it does not explain why you want to take revenge. There is no justice. In case of criminal activity or monetary loss you can do police report or talk to a lawyer about Suing these people but when it comes to being dumped: life is unfair andit us what it is. Nothing to do with somebody being unjust or superior.

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[toolman65]

"He who seeks revenge shall dig two graves" ~Chinese Proverb

Taking revenge on those who wronged you will only serve to perpetuate the relationships you have with them. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life tied to them?

Revenge may make you feel better short term, but then what? The people you punish have friends and family. What will you do when they decide to take revenge on you?
Do you really want to spend your life looking over your shoulder?

Vengeance won't get you the woman and it won't change the past.

Reality is seldom as good as the fantasy.

[fight&win]

Seems like everybody here thinks I want that woman back or I am angry because I was dumped.

No, this thread is not about that at all.

Sorry, feeling super low right now, nearing suicidal. My present girl whom I like very much said something which has made me worried. I will talk later. Bye.

[fight&win]

I will try.....

(Part 1) That woman showed interest in me initially but soon went for another guy. I, although heartbroken, accepted defeat and bowed out of the race early on. I am a grown up man and I dont take revenge for such simple heartbreaks.

(Part 2) My actual trouble started after that. The new BF started insulting/teasing me because he saw me as a looser. I just kept distance from the couple and went about my work, thinking that they will mind their own business soon. I was nursing my broken heart alone and all along this guy never stopped teasing me. Out of love for that woman I never tried to hit them back for the insults I was getting,just swallowed it. Other people joined gradually in bullying me, because by that time I had become drenched in sorrow and became too weak to even retaliate...easy prey, a punching bag. You might be knowing this....this is how crowd mentality works. At that time it seemed like everybody was talking about me....or rather cursing me. I became isolated, voluntarily & involuntarily. This episode and future events & academic failures would put too much pressure on me mentally. I never realized that depression had started at this point in time. After this it was all down hill.

(Part 3) I have totally become isolated now. Not much friends. Pressure to earn money and pay back loans. I have even stopped talking to good friends who had helped me in Part 2 of this story.

My grouse is that, after heart break (Part 1) I tried to go my way. I tried a gentleman's exit. There was no grudge. But like a lone sheep caught amidst a pack of hungry wolves I was butchered with insults. It is this pressure which pushed me into DEPRESSION, and the subsequent collapse of my normal life. 6 years have passed trying to become normal. When I look back, all those ruins make me very angry. I didnt deserve it ! Hence I want to take revenge and get some PEACE.

I hope this makes my story clear.
And the link I posted is from Mahabharata which is a set of guide lines told in the form of a story (Hindu scripture). It says that hitting back is ok.

[divine1966]

So it all happened 6 years ago? How did these grown people get to bully you? Do you work with them? If they harassed you did you tell the police ? This is all strange

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[fight&win]

Originally Posted by divine1966

So it all happened 6 years ago? How did these grown people get to bully you? Do you work with them? If they harassed you did you tell the police ? This is all strange

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It happened while I was in college doing masters degree. The heartbreak and onset of depression made me too weak to retaliate. And negative thinking had made me believe I was really a worthless person. Poor mental health makes us behave abnormally as you all would know. I am now diagnosed with depression & anxiety problems.
In a legal system there is good recourse for physical harm not mental stress.