[Fairchild10]

I was just recently asked out on a date for the first time and I automatically became sick to my stomach. No it is not nerves of a first date, but the absolute disgust of the thought of being in a relationship. This is not the first time I have felt this way either. Any time there is a potential relationship brewing, I end it all. I become too anxious, and the thought of a relationship isn't appealing. I hate physical contact and I have no reason to i.e. sexual abuse and heartbreak. I can see myself married but not dating. I also don't see how people can have there hearts broken by someone. I don't see how a person could be so upset overy someone. Any comments?

[Yismymindblank12]

Read my posts. We in the same boat. I'm like **** everybody. It's digusting how someone wants to get something happen so fast tearing me apart later. I was a rape victim and even though male idk your gender is and just saying as a guy. Girls trying for me believe im gay or shy I'm neither. I don't like closeness. I just had a conversation how much I hate people and rather brew my own walls.
Love is too hard.
I can't lie I hate everything about it. Being hurt where it makes want to throw up afterwards.
I so feel ya on that.

[Yismymindblank12]

People asking me out scares me. I push them all away I don't care how cute you may be don't go near me. Just stay over there.

Its very rare for me to have feelings.

[divine1966]

Love and relationships are very hard. But that's how humans are wired we do seek love. I suggest professional help for both of you. You need to heal the past first and wish u the best

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[Fairchild10]

Originally Posted by Yismymindblank12

Read my posts. We in the same boat. I'm like **** everybody. It's digusting how someone wants to get something happen so fast tearing me apart later. I was a rape victim and even though male idk your gender is and just saying as a guy. Girls trying for me believe im gay or shy I'm neither. I don't like closeness. I just had a conversation how much I hate people and rather brew my own walls.
Love is too hard.
I can't lie I hate everything about it. Being hurt where it makes want to throw up afterwards.
I so feel ya on that.

Well I am glad to see that I am not the only one.... well not glad, but you get it. I am a girl and everyone just assumes that I think I am too good for everyone and that is why I am single. I tell them I just hate the idea of a relationship and I don't know why. Romance isn't for me and I couldn't stand to have someone cling on me all the time. I have a lot of friends and I don't have an issue when it comes to social occasions, I would just rather be alone romance wise. Thanks again for the reply and support, hope you figure everything out too!

[Fairchild10]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Love and relationships are very hard. But that's how humans are wired we do seek love. I suggest professional help for both of you. You need to heal the past first and wish u the best

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Thank you for the advise, but that is where my biggest issue lies; I had a great childhood. I grew up in a loving family and we always went out and did stuff together as a family. I was never abused or raped, and I never had anything traumatic happen to me. There isn't anything in my past to heal, so I don't understand the disconnection.

[A Red Panda]

Fairchild - not everyone wants to be in relationships, and not everyone wants to be physically intimate with a partner.

If you don't want either of those things right now, then don't sweat it. I don't know how old you are, but it could always change somewhere down the road. Or not. As long as you are happy with your life, then it doesn't matter.

If you aren't happy with how you feel about things and you want to change it, you could try talking to a counsellor about things to help you work through it.

But really, if you're happy with your life, then what does it really matter?

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Yismymindblank12

People asking me out scares me. I push them all away I don't care how cute you may be don't go near me. Just stay over there.


Its very rare for me to have feelings.

I am surprised you say you have no feelings, you have been posting s lot about having many very powerful feelings and emotions of being hurt etc not wanting to live etc and now you say you have no feelings.

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[Yismymindblank12]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I am surprised you say you have no feelings, you have been posting s lot about having many very powerful feelings and emotions of being hurt etc not wanting to live etc and now you say you have no feelings.

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It's what I show face value. I see what she may do the same thing. She wants a wall like I do despite personal feelings of these powerful emotions I feel and she don't.

Yes, I was trying to relate. It's nice for me to see I don't say these things all by myself. Yes I have feelings everyone does, I went overboard in my description of that, but how I react is no emotion. I'm numb from the pain and so I push others. Thank you for seeking out my discrepancies and showing my irregularity proving to me obviously you care about me and anyone else who is struggling, but for my situation. I am happy you care, but take note. I'm very aware of course and I do know better rather. I use this place to vent. Being very lonely place I am forced in, and even though my efforts don't help and make things worse. I do it, because the feeling of having someone show up in my life would be much harder than me being alone regardless if they were good to me or not.

I hope the OP finds this helpful in her or his issues no this. Rather it's hell, truly is a difficult life you have to lead when your heart is closed not by your own choice alone but also including many traumas that repeatedly or frequently ultimately defeat the purpose over time to receive love and acceptance by people who truly care when they show up in your life. You end up having little to no appreciation, and it hurts so much they don't know you that well and show they have no desire despite how long you tried attempts to go further as only close friends in the conversations and the comfort of feeling accepted instead of being long time aquaintances.

Almost all my relationships are not even close. I feel I may not know some people be closer to me than I am with them, and I feel horrible and rather I think about these things for their own good and especially my own because they see potential and worry about my well being. Currently struggling with suicide deep down accepting some horrible things in my life, but yes I came to the same conclusions and did the same actions like the poster did. I still do, even if it may not be the best choice. It's giving me the ability of self discipline and control and that I don't let others control me, because I open my big mouth and try to make my way barging into other relationships or unintentionally put a incorrect outward perception of myself towards others based off of things and I caused this madness to start the only way is.

Not give in to what they say anymore, stick up for yourself, if you have to push people away and potential immediate fun and happiness sure why not, but what's worth it. That you have yourself in check and in balance and you need no reliance on others for their love acceptance and approval for your own happiness. I maybe a little skewed, but that's my experience with that.

It's harder to be in a relationship and invest energy into others friends dates so on that it is for just being alone and doing what you do for you what makes you happy. Rather I'm happy it puts a no bs policy that people who come into my life expect to be dropped on a hat immediately if they push me around or be too negative. They might not like it, but I'm tired of being used manipulated and put in places where others take advantage of me. Whether it was my sexual abuse, physical abuse to my manipulations of me having feelings for some girl or having my needs neglected and ignored emotionally because they were scared or didn't feel like it.

It gave me the vibe that, they don't care and it's easier for them to not care. So why should I?

Maybe you are asexual? I know that some people are. I don't know how common it is.

My antidepressant med is making me asexual at the moment (well for the last 3 years or so) and since I also don't feel very "together" mental health-wise, I don't want to get involved in a relationship.

I'm lots older than you. Just saying.

[starfishpsy]

Fairchild, have you ever met a guy who is not clingy, but fonfident and assertive. I myself avoid relationwhip cause I feel like everybody is leaning on me. However if I meet a girl whos independent, I can see it happening. The problem is, Im 27 and still havent met one

Originally Posted by Fairchild10

I also don't see how people can have there hearts broken by someone. I don't see how a person could be so upset over someone.

I also couldn't before. I only understood it once I felt how it is to really love someone, and you can't really say why, it just happens. Then the person doesn't love you back and that hurts, so you get upset about it.

Originally Posted by starfishpsy

Fairchild, have you ever met a guy who is not clingy, but fonfident and assertive. I myself avoid relationwhip cause I feel like everybody is leaning on me. However if I meet a girl whos independent, I can see it happening. The problem is, Im 27 and still havent met one

I think you are going to struggle to find girls like that. You are the man and the one with confidence, assertiveness and independence, you will attract girls who don't have those qualities. The type of girls you describe are few and far between. I think you are telling yourself you seek independent girls, when what you actually mean is confident and assertive like yourself. You will have a hard time attracting girls with the same qualities as you as girls generally go for guys that have qualities that they (girls) lack in some way or another.

[A Red Panda]

Originally Posted by StbGuy

I think you are going to struggle to find girls like that. You are the man and the one with confidence, assertiveness and independence, you will attract girls who don't have those qualities. The type of girls you describe are few and far between. I think you are telling yourself you seek independent girls, when what you actually mean is confident and assertive like yourself. You will have a hard time attracting girls with the same qualities as you as girls generally go for guys that have qualities that they (girls) lack in some way or another.

Just pointing out: I'm a very indepdent female. I would NOT engage in a relationship with a male who was not as equally indepdence. Nearly all of my female friends are the same - maybe one of my friends that I can think of has a boyfriend who is more dependent upon her.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

Just pointing out: I'm a very indepdent female. I would NOT engage in a relationship with a male who was not as equally indepdence. Nearly all of my female friends are the same - maybe one of my friends that I can think of has a boyfriend who is more dependent upon her.

Most women I know of my or my daughters generation and even my moms generation are independent and ambitious. I find it interesting how supposedly there are some women who are not assertive and are very dependent. There must be some but I don't know who. And all go for independent men.

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Maybe look for a girl who grew up on a farm, starfish.