Is he a fixer???

Hello,

Thank you for taking the time to peek at this.
Here's my situation, started dating a guy almost a month, And I might be falling too hard.

Notice the title "the fixer" if he is that I need to break away now or it will be devastating for me.

You see, I'm recovering from a Glioblastoma of the spine, I've been in hospital/recovery for 7 months had to relearn how to walk, and diagnosed me with bipolar too!!...
That's like the third time I've ever said that..... In away it was refreshing, it answered so many questions why I am the way I am..
This post will sound very typical to other ones here I'm sure, girl doesn't think she's good enough for guy.
But I have an expiration date!

Anyways he holds me like he's never going to let go of me, I've been wanting this for so long. Just someone to hold. He's handsome, educated, funny, patient, he has a professional job.

So why date me?? The chances the THING coming back are very high and I'm not that mentally stable. I even tried starting a fight with him because I'm Korean and accused him of being a creepy, you know the guy that has a thing for Asians... Really it's creepy.. But then found out I was the first one..

So can you just put his shoes on for a moment and ask yourself are you with her because she's sick, and you're just too nice to leave.
What would you do?.
I know I couldn't deal with dating someone as broken as I am. And I'm kinda needy too.

I would rather leave and be alone than have someone feel sorry for me, or go another couple months then be destroyed by him leaving.

.. Thank you for listening!

The very sad truth is that people are not totally altruistic.

He is doing what he wants because he wants to.

Don't be pre-preemptively unhappy because you assume he will, at some point, break your heart. If we all felt that way we would be in a very sorry state.
Everyone deserves happiness, regardless of how long it lasts.

Hugs to you...

^ exactly. If he enjoys just being with you that's a great sign Also if this helps- you say he holds you, if he didn't want to be there he would be distant imo sounds like you got something good for both of you there

Don't be afraid to take risks in love. He could be the one for you. You could be the one for him. I wish you both good luck!

I don't think there are too many guys who hang around because they are too nice to leave . . . especially ones with the description you give him. You probably aren't giving yourself enough credit.

On the other side, you are probably giving him too much. What are his major flaws? If you can't think of any, then you just don't know him that good yet. He's got flaws. He's dated other women who have noticed his flaws. That's why he's available at the moment. So enjoy the attention. He's with you because he needs someone, just like you need someone.

Hey BrokenNinja, your post reminded me of a couple I used to know many years ago.

She was young but very ill, with a life limiting disease, and all the problems that entailed. He was also young, good looking, and one of the most attentive boyfriends I have ever seen, and she could be very down on herself too, he pulled her up on her negative self talk. I was only young myself at the time and in awe of the love they obviously had between them.

We lost touch but years later I found out she had died aged only 36, he was still her devoted partner. Sometimes love can endure many things.

Bipolar isn't a death sentence - you can in fact learn to remain relatively stable and under control through the help of meds and behaviour changes (therapy can help).

As to the other... there may be a HIGH chance, but it's not 100%. Being prepared is good, but talking about having an expiration date? You don't know what the date is, so don't try to treat it like it's tomorrow.

It's his choice if he wants to have a relationship with you. I know that the urge to test someone to see if they're genuine, and to push them away if they are or don't seem to be.... I know that it's tempting when you feel so horrible about yourself.

But don't impose your thoughts and fears as being his thoughts - they're yours. He'll leave if he wants to. Might that happen down the road? Yes, it might. But you don't know that 100% just like you don't know that the Glioblastoma will come back.

He isn't staying with you because he's too nice. When he met you he already knew about what had been going on, and that didn't scare him away. He's not doing it to just be too nice - it would have been very easy for him to just not get involved with you because he had no commitment or feeling of obligation. He got involved with you because he wanted to.

BTW, unless a psychiatrist has diagnosed you as having bipolar disorder, take it with a grain of salt. Therapists are going around diagnosing everyone and their dog with bipolar disorder. Good psychiatrists tend to say that, "You're on the bipolar spectrum." And that can mean a wide variety of things.

Yes I agree.

BTW, sophiesmom, I have to say ... I LOVE the quote in your signature. It pretty much sums up my life.

He could be a "rescuer"....

If he is, I do advise to run. But, don't just assume that he's a "rescuer"...

I had one of my own last year. I have PTSD and he was the first guy who was SO supportive, SO interested in doing anything and everything that he could to make me better... I was like WOW! I'd never met anyone who was so supportive of me so of course I ate it all up. But then.... I finally figured out that I was the broken one, the damsel in distress that he could rescue. Oh, and not only rescue, but use me as an excuse to continue to deny his own problems (alcoholism, etc). Funny thing is, I'm fiercely independent and don't need anyone to rescue me! That's so not my deal...

So keep an open eye... Watch how he approaches your struggles and such.

I hope he's not a "fixer" or a "rescuer". But, maybe your radar has been set off for a good reason and there is something about him that doesn't sit quite right with you, but you can't quite put your finger on it. Whatever your gut is telling you to do, go with it...

You have only known him a month, It takes more time than that to really know a person. Everyone shows there best side when first dating , I'm not saying he isn't going to be a keeper or one to throw back in the pond. Give yourself time to get to know him better , Catch yourself and do some self grounding and don't allow yourself to fall for him so fast and hard, hell you might decide next week he has horrible table manners or something and decide you don't want to date him anyway..

I dated a fellow years ago thought he was Mr Wonderful and by about month 3 decided he was just not someone I could stand to be around. Another fellow I met and I honestly thought " Yeah he's funny and stuff but would just be a friend and here I am coming up on my 11th year of marriage to him Life is funny like that.

Just breathe and see how things go~