[findingmy_self95]

So you know that boy I started dating on Sept 11th, 2011?

The one I met online.

You know that we got engaged on July 2nd, 2013?

He proposed to me at the airport.

You know that wedding I was planning 3 weeks ago for our wedding on July 14th, 2017?

Why?

I think I might have scared you away with the wedding planning.

Couldn't you have done it before I started trying on wedding dresses?

Couldn't you have done it before I found the dress?

Before I found the place we were going to get married?

Couldn't you do it before I was blissfully happy planning our wedding and our future.

On April 8th he sent it to me.

"Im sorry I haven't been able to talk to you. My phone is broken and Ive closed since Friday. I have to go to work soon and I cant really go in again with this on my mind but I think we need to break up. I love you and that's why this is hard and I really started thinking about it in these last 2 weeks of us both having different schedules and we never get time together. Realistically it will be at least a couple years until we can truly be together and its painful and almost draining for me trying to do all this. I think we both kind of new 6 months ago how hard this would be and its really taking its toll on me having to be home to be with you or be outside with a life and it isn't fair we cant have both. Like I will always love you, but I really cant handle it at this point in my life. We can Skype about this later, I know Im a piece of **** for sending this in a text and really sorry."

Because I didn't have internet I didn't even know until my best friend got that text message that I wasn't meant to see.

April 12th.

"I broke up with her"

You made my world fall apart. I ripped off your sweater and tried to hide the things that would remind me of you and shed but a single tear then went upstairs to face the friends who silently whispered upstairs about my breakup.

I never even got to see the original skype message until that Monday on April 13th.

The first day was brutal. I didn't want any reminders. When I realized I was still wearing my engagement ring I broke down crying and almost ripped my finger off trying to get that damn ring off.

I didn't talk to anyone.

I tried to make you think I'm okay and that this was the right thing but god damn it it's been 21 days since you broke up with me and I miss you so much.

I miss you so much Dylan but I'm afraid to message you. You said we could still be friends but I feel like you'd be mad at me or I'm afraid you wouldn't care at all. You said you still loved me but how do I actually know you weren't letting me down easy.

You were my first love.

You were my first boyfriend.

You were my first long distance relationship.

You were my first sexual partner.

You were my first fiancé.

You were my life.

You took it away from me.

What did I do to make you decide you didn't want to spend the rest of your life with me anymore?

What did I do.

I want to cry some more.

I feel stupid.

I hate myself.

I need you and I can never have you back.

Even if you asked for me back how could I ever trust you again not to break my heart?

You taken my heart away from me.

I have a hole in my chest. Not a painful one but a very gigantic empty hole I just don't know how or what to fill it with.

I love you so much and I just want to be your stupid, fat fiance who loved you more than her own life again. I would have died for you. I still would and that's what I hate.

You decided I wasn't a priority in your life anymore and I can't let go and I hate myself for it.

You don't even care and all I want to do is fall asleep in your arms again. Or just kiss you one last time.

I ****ing hate you for making me love you so much.

How do I deal with a broken engagment?

helpme

[Bill3]

I'm so sorry that he broke up with you. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm so sorry for the immense pain.

Do you have someone that you can talk to about it?

[Cris80pitt]

I am sorry that this happened to you and trust me there are so many people out there feeling the same. You have to be strong and believe that good things will come. Everything happens for a reason and I believe that this break up will bring a new and better person in your life. Just believe.

Brennan11007, this post really shook me up as I literally could have been the one writing it in the case my fiance (I just got engaged and am planning a wedding in a few years) broke up with me. I empathize with you in SO many ways. I'm 20 years old too, my fiance is also my "FIRST love/boyfriend/long distance relationship/sexual partner" and we also started dating 4 years ago JUST like you said. Wow. I could understand soo well what you are going through right now and I am so, so sorry. He was a real jerk to do this over a text message but given the long distance aspect I completely understand. Skyping about difficult issues and not being able to meet in person sucks. It sucks bad bad bad bad. I am truly so sorry for you. I honestly don't know what to say to help and I wish I did.... I'm sending you a virtual hug!!!!

At least for closure talk with him one more time and see if there is some way he still wants to hold on. You've mentioned that he said in his text there is a possibility you two can be physically together in a couple years. Maybe he just felt a ton of pressure now and made a rash decision. He says he loves you. Tell him to be strong for you and a wait a few more years!!! I don't know what to say - to give you hope or to encourage you to move on. Give it one more Skype conversation, one more try.

I empathize how heart broken you are. I am so sorry

[divine1966]

I am sorry we all sure know it sucks!!!!! But time heals all. It will be better and ️hugs

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[findingmy_self95]

I already talked to him again because I was so confused and devastated. His answer were they wedding planning didn't bother him but it was more of... i'll paste the answer.

"The distance finally got to me because I'm rarely at home anymore. I'm out doing things and when I was at home it was just a silent Skype call mostly. The wedding planning didn't really phase me at all honestly but I know I wouldn't be happy in the next years of having to divide my life. Yes I still love you somewhat its hard to just not love someone and it's not that I'm expecting it but if the timing and setting weren't as bad as they are now it would be different."

I'm glad we cleared things up but I'm still devastated.

About getting back together.

"If it happen it happens but atm Idk what to assume or expect in my future"

I don't know what to do with myself. I'm surprised I get myself out of bed everyday.

[hray6]

Damn, I'm so sorry he did that to you. At least now, you don't have to be chained to someone that doesn't care as much for you as you did for them. You're a free bird now. The world is yours! Yeah I know it sucks, believe me. I recently got out of a 5-year long relationship with a guy that was my first for everything too. But you can't dwell on these things because dwelling will affect your future relationships because you can't get the subconscious remnants of your ex out of your mind. Losing a love that intense will take time to cope with, and time is pretty much the only thing on your side. You can get through this; I know you can.

[TheDeepGreenSea]

Reading this hit me really hard. I'm so sorry that this happened :\ I hope you can find your way forward with your head in the air and a positive attitude. I know it's going to take some time, but you can do it. Allow yourself to feel what you're feeling and be upset as much as you need. Lean on family and friends and take care of yourself.

[findingmy_self95]

I have good days and bad days. The good days are great! The bad days are horrible. I have nightmare and I don't sleep very well. Today was a good day.

Question for all of you out there.

Do I return the engagement ring? It was his mom's ring but not her engagement ring, just one we were given from her until we could afford our own. I love this stupid ring whether it's attached to the engagement or not. I want to keep it as a keepsake of our relationship.

I'm not mad at him, only myself. He was always good to me, never called me names and NEVER laid a finger on me. The relationship is something I'll always be able to look back on with good memories but I don't want to talk to him again to ask.

This is tough... personally I would return the ring because for me it would hold me bacl from moving on fully. However, if you don't feel this way, you could choose to keep it. Technically, the ring does belong to him/his mother but as long as they don't ask for it back you don't necessarily (in my opinion) have to return it as it could be considered a gift.

[Symbolic]

You could offer to buy the ring from his mother. Then the ring could be yours, with no guilt or mixed up feelings about having it.

[divine1966]

I would definitely ask him. I wouldn't just keep it without asking. I have a lot of Jewerly from my ex significant other we were together for 9 years. But those are things he bought me, they weren't his mothers. I would think if they were his mother he might want to give it to his kids for keepsake, so I would ask what he wanted me to do with it. So ask. Then go by what he wants to do.

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[Psychoharpie]

When I broke up with my fiance. I cried for years.

[findingmy_self95]

I just found out he's dating someone already. Just devastated. I can't.

[Bill3]

I'm sorry that you are hurting so very much.

(((((Brennan11007)))))

I feel for you... I'm sending you a hug.

[divine1966]

Sending you hugs. Think of it as things happen for a reason. It maybe happened so you can meet a right guy one day

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[findingmy_self95]

It hurts so much. I don't even know how to breathe right now.

4 weeks after a 2 year engagement and a 3 year and 6 month relationship.

I can't breathe.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Brennan11007

It hurts so much. I don't even know how to breathe right now.

4 weeks after a 2 year engagement and a 3 year and 6 month relationship.

I can't breathe.

I am so sorry. Hugs. Do you have something to distract yourself? Exercise, work, school anything that would keep you very busy. Pick up second job. My t said that being busy is good in emotional turmoil time. You won't have time to think and in few months time you'll be much better.

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[avlady]

i would give the ring back-just so there is no reminder of him. i feel for you, i didn't marry my first love which is what i wanted too. it is very painful and may take years to get over but you can be free now and open to others. good luck