Sometimes I want to talk to people . . .

I know that everyone is busy and they have their own lives, but sometimes I just want to talk to someone. I know they don't want to hear about me and that I'm just taking up their time, but still I do try sometimes and I know I shouldn't.

I know that if I call my Mom that she'll just hang up on me as soon as I say, "Hi Mom, it's me," and I'll feel worse after trying to talk to her than I did before. My brother and my grandma have caller ID, so they won't even answer the phone.

I can't talk to or socialize with anyone in town because I'm not Christian. Most people will cross the street rather than pass me on the sidewalk. A lot of the businesses won't let me on the premises, and a couple of people have even shot at me while I was working so there's no hope for talking to anyone there.

I tried getting a therapist because then I would be able to pay someone to talk to me for an hour every other week, but they always made me feel worse. They'd claim that I was under Satanic attack, or that the government was brain washing me, and always that if I'd just go to church I'd feel better.

I tried going to church a long time ago simply as a cultural event because I wanted to be around other people. I was treated like a leper because no one wants to be around a woman who has more education than they do, especially one who is unapologetic about working for the Federal Government.

I tried an online dating site because I thought that way I could connect with people with similar beliefs. I came up with zero matches within 100 miles of my home.

How do you control the urge to talk to other people?

There are a lot of PC members willing and able to talk with you.

PC has a sanity test, that I like to take every so often, just to see where I fit in this world. You may want to check it out. There are a lot of questions, but it doesn't take too long to answer them. I believe that the results are pretty accurate as well. The Sanity Score - Test Your Mental Wellness

Best wishes to you!

I took the quiz but didn't learn anything I didn't already know. I don't drink, use drugs, engage in sex, or gamble so I'm not interesting to anyone . . . Whoo hoo!

Unless I go do something totally stupid to really mess my life up no one is interested. And if I do engage in risky behaviors they will only be interested as long as the gossip holds.

What is it that you are seeking from other people? What do you say when you approach them?

I feel the same way too. For me it is more with my partner though. I am looking for strategies to start a more two way conversation.

As I was reading your post wrigh430 a thought occured to me (I'm hoping it helps, please don't take it the wrong way):

Do you think that the people you try to interact with are intimidated by you? You sound like a well articulated, well educated (you work for the federal government), financially stable (you have been willing to pay for counselling services), independent woman who does not engage in risky behaviours and stands up against religious views you do not agree with.

I'm not judging whether you've done "wrong or right" but rather simply wondering whether the way you present yourself to others through actions and words give subtle cues that make them intimidated by you and hence prevent them from wanting to interact with you at a deeper level.

Situation at work
ME: "Hi, I really like your new hair cut."
Co-worker: "So what? You're saying I looked like ***** before?" and storms off.

Me: "I really liked my drive into work today. Everyone cleaned up their yards for Easter and the town looks so nice with the flowers blooming."
Co-worker 1: "What would a heathen like you be doing thinking of Easter?"
Co-worker 2: "So you're implying that all our yards looked like crap before?"
Both storm off.

Situation in town
Me: "I'd like to order some sheet metal for the roof of my shed."
Store employee: "We don't serve your kind here."

Me: "Would it be possible to get a book on Earth based religions through inter-library loan?"
Librarian: "You know the population we serve would never permit a book like that to pass through the library."

Situation at work, dealing with the public
Me: "Hi, I'm XXXXX with the XXXXX. I'm here to take a water sample."
Public: "I'm sick and tired of this d@man government over reach. This is private property and no one, not even you with the government badge has the right to be here. You have 5 seconds to get back in that truck and get off my property before I start shooting and I'm within my rights to do it!"

Situation, family
Me: "Hi Mom, it's me . . ."
Mom: Hangs up the phone.

Me in a letter because she has caller ID and won't answer the phone when I call: "What are everyone's plans for Christmas?"
Grandma in return letter: "You can just mail up the presents for everyone. You know your uncle can't stand your religious bullsh!t. Besides a lot of people said they won't come if you are going to be here."

It wasn't always this way. When I moved into town in 2002 I was liked well enough. I was active in my kids' scout group, coached soccer and t-ball, etc. I enrolled my son in the Catholic school, because as a single parent I needed a school that offered an after school program/daycare because I didn't want to have my kid left home alone after school. Because of that everyone assumed that I was Catholic.

In 2006 when the Catholics figured out that I wasn't attending Mass anywhere, my son and I got the boot. I had to enroll him in public school and we joined the Boy Scout troop with the Methodist Church. I was still in good stead with the public and received some awards, like "The extra miler" and the "skillen award."

In 2008 the community figured out that I wasn't attending church ANYWHERE. The assumed that I was an Atheist and that's when the public shunning started. I was still able purchases goods in town, but not able to talk with anyone socially. When Barack Obama was elected the right-wingers started foaming at that mouth, and with in a year we were being shot at, at work.

In 2010 my ex rounded up the nuns to testify against me in a child support hearing. I lost custody of my son because the my ex insisted on using a new judge in the county I moved to in 2002. The judge agreed with the nuns that my "Professional Life Style" was not conducive to raising children and that my son would be better suited living with is dad and woman number 3, and 4 other kids in a trailer park one county over.

Because my ex refused to follow the decree I couldn't see my son on weekends like the judge mandated. The only way I could see him was at Scouts, so I remained active, but in 2011, since I was being shunned anyway i figured that I would just come out. I attended a Wood badge training that occured over the solstice. I asked for religious accommodations. Rather than grant the occomodations, my son and I were kicked out of the program and even got a letter from the Council saying we were no longer permitted on BSA properties. My son had just turned in his application to become an Eagle; it was denied based on him not doing is duty to god.

Anyway, word got out and now I speak to no one.

Wrigh430, wow, so much has happened all because you did not conform to the religious views of the society you live in - I am so sorry you and your son have been so negatively affected.

At the end of the day, what "society as a whole" thinks about you shouldn't matter, as long as you still have family and a few close friends that are there to support you. What upsets me is that your family seems to shun you out too! Do you find that you usually engage in heated arguments with your family about religion? Do you think you can tell them ahead of time for the next family reunion that "look I want to come over and see you guys but we're not going to even mention religion, ok?"

I honestly don't understand why you are getting these responses. Religious or not, people don't usually respond so negatively during ordinary conversation.

In my opinion, you need to move. I have no idea where you live now, but it sounds like you live in the U.S. and even Wichita, Kansas (where I live) or Lincoln, Nebraska sound enlightened compared to where you are now. Your family sounds utterly toxic, the local government is backwards (no judge in Kansas would change custody because the mother was OMG ... professional *gasp*) and the citizens are dangerous.

I think you need to take care of yourself first, find a comfortable place where you feel safe and welcome and then work your way out from there.


And seriously, who really calls someone a heathen any more? I don't know if I should laugh at them or feel sorry for them.

I don't talk politics or religion with anyone.

When I was about 14 my grandpa noticed that I was showing signs that I was gifted with the same abilities he and his mother had. She was a seer who was also shunned by her community. Grandpa learned that to get along you have to conform, so even though he still had the abilities, he attended a Methodist church and married a Methodist woman. All their kids were raised Christian.

Grandpa died in 1994, but before he did, he told me that in order to get along in society I would have to conform, which I did for years. In 2008 when I started being shunned, I figured, screw it! I put a sign in my yard for Barack Obama, so everyone knew I was a Democrat.

When my son and I were kicked out of Scouts my ex told my family why and took the letter council sent my son to show them how I was ruining my son's life. That's how they learned I was Pagan; I've never actually spoken to any of them about it.

I put in for a transfer at work; but there is a 5 year waiting list. I've only been on the list for 8 months. I've tried selling my house twice, but there just aren't any buyers in the area.

It's a small community. There are only 238 people in the town I live in. If you head along the highway to the east there is an incorporated area with about 40 residents; that's where the highway ends. If you head west there is a Mennonite Community of about 250 people, but they pretty much keep to themselves. Further west is the cross roads; the town there is about 700 people, if you keep going west there is another town of about 300 people. If you go north from the cross roads the next town has about 200 people and if you go south, then town there has about 150 people. We've only got about 3,000 people in the entire county, so there just isn't a lot of job opportunities or any reason to move here, so it's been hard to sell the house.

So, for all of this no one ever answered my question, "How do you control the urge to talk to other people?"

It's not an overwhelming urge as I've gotten used to being on my own most of the time. But about 2 or 3 days a month I just would really like to talk to someone and I know I can't. This urge generally coincides with the time in my cycle when I'm ovulating, since women tend to be more gregarious then. I tell myself that the desire to talk to people will pass in a couple of days, when I enter a lower fertility phase of my cycle, but I don't always find that helpful.

It's not like I want to pester someone with my troubles either. I couldn't celebrate with anyone when I got a promotion at work. I couldn't celebrate with anyone when one of the pictures I took ended up winning a state competition and participating in a national photo exchange. I am utterly alone.

How do learn to stop wanting to talk to someone?

You could speak to people at a listening line, there are a lot of them here:

www.contact-usa.org

or you could google for more/other helplines.

You don't have to be in "crisis" to call, and you don't have to call the ones in your state.

I think you should find someone to talk to! Go out and interact more. Talk to your coworkers - one of them might be into photography, and there you go, a new friendship. Talk to other photographers that you admire. Swapping tips might lead to friendships.

If you practice talking to people more often, then it won't feel like such a huge mountain to tackle when you feel you need to talk to someone to find someone to talk to.

Seriously, this sounds stupid, but even going to grocery stores late at night when they are empty - the check out people are bored to tears - they'll talk to you!

I think you're looking for the wrong thing. Don't learn not to talk, learn to talk more! You'll be happier if you do what you want rather than repressing it.

I live in a small town, there is NO ONE to talk to. The grocery store closes at 8 PM, and it's not even in my town, it's two towns over at the cross-roads. The only businesses in my town is a bar/restaurant/laundry mat and the post office.

The post office is open from 10 AM to 2 PM Monday through Saturday.
The Bar is open from 11 AM to 9 PM (because if you can't get drunk by then, they are not going to wait for you) Wednesday through Saturday.

I don't have internet at home. I use it for 30 min a day during my lunch at work. And I can get another 45 min after work at the library Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. AND the domain you gave is blocked by the library.

Out of all the people I know who have school age children, only a minority of them attend church. You might have seen in the news, recently, that people who are unaffiliated with any church are the fastest growing segment of the American public, compared to all the standard religious affiliations. It's like over 20% of the population. Churches are closing up all over the place because fewer and fewer people bother with them anymore. So, if you are living in some bizarre community, filled with fanatics and quite unlike the majority of American towns, maybe you need to move.

My suspicion is that people are a lot less interested in your religious opinions than you would like, and, so, you are in people's faces with anti-religious talk because you want that conflict. People don't have to put up with that . . . and they won't.

Catholic schools are attended by lots of non-Catholics who do just fine in that environment. Here's one source for that, and there are many: Mythbusting: Catholic Schools | Department of Catholic Schools

Wow.

You can always reach someone to talk to at 1-800-273-TALK.

Been lonely and controlling your emotions and social interaction is part of being whom we are . For me people on this forum and just reading posts helped me a
Lot , I hope it helps you

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Your question of who you should contact for communication is a little difficult to answer, as it seems that (before we can offer advice) you aren't real willing to try many possibilities. So, how can we advise?

There are online resources ~ but you rarely have limited access to a computer. Hmmm... That is a challenge.

How about you contacting the 800-service that Bill3 referred to? They are great listeners, and they really do care, regardless of beliefs.

Life is challenging, for sure. However, try hard not to assume that everyone feels ____. Some people probably do feel that way. But, not everyone. For your sake, give them a chance. You just might meet some real decent people right there, in your town, after all! Imo, it really is worth taking a shot at. What do you have to lose? Perhaps you could start with some light talk (ex: about the weather or local schools) with the mail clerk or librarian, most people always love to talk about the weather! Just, keep it light and brief.

Imo, it takes several times of very light chatter before I feel safe enough to move onto other subjects. Personally, it takes me a very long time (many interractions) before I feel safe enough to expose a little bit of myself. However, I'm not within the "norm" of general society either. I am extremely cautious with who and when I will reveal little parts of my self to. Over the years, I have accepted where I am in life. This alienation of sorts has been done by myself ~ I can see that. I have accepted that reality.

Acceptance of the role that I have played in my alienation makes me feel a little better. I have recognized that I am pretty picky about who I will let into my life, so I can see that there is a HUGE majority of people that I will not even t-r-y to connect with, regardless of my loneliness and lack of friends. That is a big flaw of mine. But, at least I can recognize and accept that fact. And, every once in a while, I will do something that is very "normal" in society, but completely uncharacteristic of myself, and be friendly with others. And, I'm amazed by how friendly they are back to me!! It's really something! but, it's also require me to step outside of my comfort zone and put myself out there. Not easy at all. But, it can be done. Trust me.

There are many people who never sat their foot in church but it doesn't prevent others from communicating to them! Most people don't ever discuss religion. I find it shocking how your coworkers talk! So rude. I worked in many places and can't comprehend such rudeness in a workplace? What kind of job place tolerated this kind of nonsense.

Could you find meetups that are in your general area but not your specific town? I met some great social groups through meetups. I would drive far distance to meet social groups if my town had none

Sorry your mom hangs up on you. Was she always like that?

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