Ever set yourself up for Disappointment?

Hey there everyone!

Just would like some thoughts, experiences and opinions here. So I have done it again. You know. What we always do. Find someone we like then go ALL in. Not thinking. Just feeling like the individuals we are. I don't know if its the bipolar or just human nature.

Unrequited love. The worst kind. Everyone's advice would be to forget him and move on. I get that. But when you're in it, you're feeling it, you can easily tell someone to do it when you're not in the situation. I would just like to hear some stories. Some loves you've been through. How you got through it, and what made it easier for you to slip out of the situation.

Thanks again, and have a wonderful Wednesday!

My t says since I tend to follow my emotions and I need to learn a bit of a mindful business transaction approach to relationships. Not forever but until we really know each other. Use logic. Look for red flags and good signs. Don't just jump in. Certainly don't become intimate. I got much better now as now I need few months to realize it's not right rather than years and years.

Work in progress.




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PlatinumHeart, first I am sorry you did go all in. We tend to do that when being in love or being infatuated. I can tell you I have done that mistake a few times and they were lying to me about their feelings ( as they had non, really they didnt because they were abusers only out to deceive and manipulate ).

I would advice you to get to know the person you meet very good first, let say some months. Even we wait a certain time getting to know someone we can never be sure are they real. But to go all in with someone to fast without knowing them and what they are all about only sets us up for heartache. And we feel very bad afterwards.

I dont go all in with someone I dont know well anymore and I dont let them get to use me. If a man respects us he will be patient and by waiting they will really show who they are and their true colors.

Many people say just move on, but its not that easy when getting their heart broken. Thats why I say its so important to not make the same mistake over again as I did several times.

I like this from the Bible.

"Above all, guard you heart, because everything you do flows from it."

The only way to protect our hearts is to guard it.

I hope your heart will be healed this pain.

My relationships since my divorce have been rather tumultuous. I find fault in myself for these failures, because I was needy. I felt like I needed to get my life back by being with someone rather than work on myself. I gave these guys my all, only to constantly be slapped with the reality that I was the one doing all the work to sustain the relationship. It was humiliating to constantly go through the revolving door of failed relationships, as I was repeating the same patterns. Go in head first, the rose-colored glasses coming off, and having to make a hard decision of not making the same mistake again!

When I finally broke up with the last guy, I decided to make myself better by being good to me. Doing what I want instead of pleasing someone. So I went to the gym. Got a trainer. Went back to college. Started hanging with my girls more often, hugging my family who will always love me no matter what, and seeing other friends. I made A's last semester, and am about to move to a bigger place (finally).

So basically for me, the last 8 months have been busy because I kept myself busy. I didn't forget him, but I am moving on. I am making myself do things. Get out of bed instead of sleeping all day. Get out of the house. It's hard, but I have finally realized in my 43 years on this planet that you can't please everyone or anyone. I've lived my life way too long for others, and it's my turn. I'm going to have fun with or without a SO. And I haven't been this happy in years.

That's my story... thanks for letting me tell it.

Yes I agree wholeheartedly! Mindfulness is very important. Following your emotions is what we often do, because for most of us, we are emotional beings. It is definitely a work in progress, and like you I am in a better place with finding things out quickly rather than later. Thank you for commenting!! XOXOXO

What an inspirational comment! The pain is mostly because it is unrequited. Mostly "one way" I have come to the conclusion that when you truly care for someone you have to wait to get to know them better. Sure there are things about him I don't like, I haven't slept with him yet, and I am taking my time. But the feelings are real and they are there. But I will take your advice. I will guard my heart. I will keep it protected. Thank you for commenting!

That was truly truly beautiful! Thank you for sharing. Often people just go through life repeating patterns and so stuck that when you hit a certain age you realize what the heck was I doing all that time? I am so so glad you made it out of that. Exercising, getting out of bed, spending time with those you love. Those are all such wonderful things. Your story is absolutely inspirational and I thank you again so much for sharing it with me : )

PlatinumHeart, its good to hear you have not slept with him. That was my mistake with my last boyfriend whom I didnt get to know first because he manipulated me and lied. It says we bonds deeper when sleeping with a man we have feelings for or develope feelings for. Just continue be wise and not give yourself to someone whos love is unrequited

It really is a continual trap - we think we're old enough to know, that we can have sex with someone without getting attached, that we'll keep our head on our shoulders...but it never turns out like that. Every time I get sexual with someone that I can't trust my heart with, and that has been every relationship I've had, I always get tossed aside before anything meaningful can develop. Or the relationship lacks everything that makes a good and healthy relationship, I end up taking on relationships that are unhealthy-damaging.
Why - I ever think that the next time will be different, I can't really pin point. I think I withhold relationships for a long time, then when I finally get involved again, I'm way to eager for it to happen. I am not patient and waiting to get to know him, or waiting for him to reveal himself. I think I just assume that the next one will be better, I convince myself of a lot of ideal things that may not be true of the person at all.
I have a deeply rooted belief that my sexual involvement is somehow going to make a love happen, but that is never the case - they usually love the sex but there is nothing like the love that I want and need in their mind. Its just sex.
This is so much like the old fashioned rules....but its true, men are different than women when it comes to sex. Everything about them is hardwired to go for the chase - if they GET you, they better have their head in the right place so they do the right thing by you...otherwise you were just a cheap lay.
And that sadly, regrettably is where most of my stupid relationships have ended. With men that are just not worth all the sweetness and goodness and everything that I have to offer.
And me - not holding onto all of that to wait for someone who is.
What a dummy.