[Haunted1]

So, I'm not sure if this is a discussion to make me feel better or a rant to make me feel better but either way here it is. Judge away.

I went on my first date ever at the age of 17. I began dating a sweet *Boy next door* type. He was my first kiss, relationship and everything else. Neither of use ever drank, smokes, did drugs or swore. We were the "Americas sweethearts of our group* Close, and pretty much perfect. Church on sunday, family events on Saturday and still so in love no matter how long time passed.

I grew up in an abusive home, my dad was abusive. I always promised I'd never be my mother, I'd never be with a man who treated me like dirt. I was stronger than that.

My boyfriend treated me like a princess, if anything I was the bully in the relationship.

But when I hit 22 and I didn't have a ring I was discouraged. I also was growing bored of being the "good girl" My friends had their wild teen years as most teens do, I hadn't.
I was busy getting straight A's going to church and volunteering. Suddenly, being with one man seemed awful boring.

I met someone else, yes I was in a mild aspect a cheater. It's taken me a long time to own that title. I hate it, but I own it.

I met a man who was ten years older than me and I thought the sun rose and set on him, I was young and stupid.
It started as text messaging. At first I resisted, then he started laying on compliments. He knew I had daddy issues and he knew how to use them. He'd ask me when the last time I was told I was beautiful and I'd blush like a schoolgirl.

As time progressed he did too, he started being less sweet and more seductive. I went from beautiful to sexy and I liked it. Nobody ever said things like that to me before, his texts while graphic excited me because my current boyfriend and I weren't that open about things.

He started asking me to meet him places and like a stupid moth to a flame I went. Mostly I was curious. I'm not naïve or stupid in the sense of sex, I'm not a blushing virgin but he viewed it all so different than I ever had.

So, we started seeing each other. It felt good, I felt sexy and wanted. He told me he loved me, that he wanted to marry me and have kids with me and I believed every line.

I'll state right now, we never ever had sex. I wanted to, asked a few times and he said he wanted to wait until we were together longer. the furthest it went was shameless kisses in the dark.

Somewhere along the way he got me into drinking, smoking and using language that makes me blush to think about. He said the wild side was attractive and that's how I felt wild and attractive.

Over a few months things got violent. I will admit it....I like the rough stuff. It's embarrassing but true.

He got too rough. Eventually the only things we did together were fight and kiss. If we weren't making out like we wanted to devour each other we were screaming at each other, calling each other names and pushing each other around. I liked it all, it gave me a sick kind of high if he called me names shoved me in the dirt and then kissed me like an animal. I loved it all.

Then he got personal, he began spreading lies about me around. Telling people I was a *****, making up stories about things I'd done in bed with him that weren't true. Once saying I had a threesome with him and his friend and he taped it. He also told people I gave him STDS. He told people I was pregnant and it was his but I was blaming my boyfriend.
I taught sunday school at my church he went to them and told them I was a pervert and shouldn't be around children.

I broke it off, telling him it was too much. I saw the people I was hurting. My mother begged me for months to stop the road I was on and our relationship that was so close suffered. I called her horrible names, and felt guilty.

My boyfriend and I were on the outs, not broken up but not together. I took to beating him. I would push him down and kick him. I would scream until the neighbors heard me.

I was out of control in so many ways. I honestly needed help. My mom threatened to put me away. I was on the verge of a breakdown.

After I broke it off it got worse. The rumors and then it turned dark. He killed my cat and tossed her in my yard, he sabotaged my car and my boyfriends. He was dangerous. The cops eventually got involved and while I didn't get a restraining order he backed off.

That was three years ago and we've had no contact.

Recently my boyfriend *Who amazingly stayed with me* got a job. We were both excited as he also proposed and we are looking forward to starting our new lives. He stuck by me threw nicotine withdraw and the rough patches and I love him more than ever.

My boyfriend was at work last week and my ex whatever, showed up and told everyone at the place that while my boyfriend works he's here, in my house having sex with me.

This can't be further from the truth as I haven't seen him in three years and we never had sex. Ever. not once.

The problem is I went from being confident with my life, I went from being happy with my fiancé and our life to being scared. I want nothing to do with this man. I hate the thought of him.

I know what I did was wrong, I know it. I am a cheater, but I learned from it and it will never happen again. I regret it deeply and wish I could take it back. However it made me who I am and I accept it for what it was me being used. The problem is I don't understand what this mans end game is.

Some say he used me but...for what? I never slept with him. He just screwed with me head for no apparent reason and now has made it clear he's going to keep trying.
Why can't he let go? Why can't he let me be happy?
I just don't understand why this is still an issue. I've moved on my life is working out like I always wanted it to and yet, there he is trying to ruin it.
My boyfriend was so humiliated when he had to tell the people he worked with that while we knew this man I was not intimate with him.

I graduated college, I have a great job, I have a house, I have a fiancé who has a job and we do okay I just got a new to me car.
This man has crap.
He has aids now, a drug problem ,drinking problem, smoking problem, no job he lives at home and his dog was just taken off of him for being used as a fighter.
I don't know why he won't let go, why does he want to keep pulling me down? and why do I keep letting him?
I feel guilty again and hate myself for my choices. I know longer feel strong and confident but broken and ashamed of my life.
He just won't let me go.

[divine1966]

He killed your cat? Say what? That's criminal offense: animal cruelty. Messed with both your cars? Vandalism? You don't have restraining order still?
How do you know he had aids?


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[Angelique67]

He won't let go because it's a power trip for him to keep messing with your life. You should get a restraining order. He has done terrible things to you. Good luck.

[avlady]

you better get a restraining order and quick-

[nicoleflynn]

Perhaps seek counseling.....and get a restraining order. He can only control you if you allow it.

[Mistoff]

Get another restraining order quickly and document every contact he has with you and every rumor/story that comes back to you. This is not good! You are in my thoughts.

[tearsinabottle]

Get a restraining order and if he breaks it call the police immediately. Its all about control. They thrive on it that is why he wont let go.

[hvert]

Read the 'Gift of Fear.' That guy's a psycho. A restraining order may make things worse.

[~Christina]

Restraining order is a must!

[Haunted1]

I can't get a restraining order without a witness or proof to the things that were done, I looked into it several times already. Where I live is very rural, the nearest police force is over an hour away, if I get a restraining order which is a piece of paper and just piss him off and then he breaks it what am I supposed to do? Throw it at him? The cops are too far anything he wanted to do would be done by the time they got here.

I know he has aids now because a family member told me. One of the few times I bumped into her in a store, she lectured me on how I broke him, how he could barely breathe without me and was crazy in love with me. I said tough crap he's crazy and needs to stay the hell away from me.

I can only assume the aids came from A. one of the women he was sleeping with while we were together or shooting up. I don't really care which. I don't have them and that's all I cared about, not that I suspected I did. My mom did have me tested for things even though nothing sexual happened.

He did try telling people I was crazy and psychotic, that I was abusive to him and that he was in love with me. He spun a great story about how damaged I was and he was trying to save me to his family. Apparently, I broke his heart and gave him aids. At least that's what he said.

The only plus to his claim I gave him STDS was I texted him and said I didn't give you anything and he was all yeah you did so I said well, I'm pregnant and the idiot replied "Well there's no way it's mine we never had sex." and then I had a text backing my saying we didn't. It proves nothing really since there are those who believe we did but I don't care. I find I can live without my reputation just fine.

I'm just frustrated he won't let go. If he wants to play a powerplay game that's fine with me I'll play but the fact is he does it all behind my back instead of to my face. He might be crazy but I can be worse, he's just a coward that stays hidden away. I just don't understand the thrill he's getting anymore.

Why is it still fun?

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by Haunted1

I can't get a restraining order without a witness or proof to the things that were done, I looked into it several times already. Where I live is very rural, the nearest police force is over an hour away, if I get a restraining order which is a piece of paper and just piss him off and then he breaks it what am I supposed to do? Throw it at him? The cops are too far anything he wanted to do would be done by the time they got here.

I know he has aids now because a family member told me. One of the few times I bumped into her in a store, she lectured me on how I broke him, how he could barely breathe without me and was crazy in love with me. I said tough crap he's crazy and needs to stay the hell away from me.

I can only assume the aids came from A. one of the women he was sleeping with while we were together or shooting up. I don't really care which. I don't have them and that's all I cared about, not that I suspected I did. My mom did have me tested for things even though nothing sexual happened.

He did try telling people I was crazy and psychotic, that I was abusive to him and that he was in love with me. He spun a great story about how damaged I was and he was trying to save me to his family. Apparently, I broke his heart and gave him aids. At least that's what he said.

The only plus to his claim I gave him STDS was I texted him and said I didn't give you anything and he was all yeah you did so I said well, I'm pregnant and the idiot replied "Well there's no way it's mine we never had sex." and then I had a text backing my saying we didn't. It proves nothing really since there are those who believe we did but I don't care. I find I can live without my reputation just fine.

I'm just frustrated he won't let go. If he wants to play a powerplay game that's fine with me I'll play but the fact is he does it all behind my back instead of to my face. He might be crazy but I can be worse, he's just a coward that stays hidden away. I just don't understand the thrill he's getting anymore.

Why is it still fun?

Because he's a loser and you are the only thing he can control. I'm sorry. I hope you get free of this situation soon.

[tearsinabottle]

Because he is a psycho and sociopaths/psychopaths dont want to stop what they are doing, they thrive on control and cant stand to lose. I didnt manage to get rid of my xboyfriend for over a year, he constantly tried contact me and show up on my door, joked about how he would kill me, having thoughts out of the blue how he would kill me and another day laughing how he would dump me in water, and still he thinks nothing is wrong with how he used and abused me.

They know what they do but they dont care. You need to go NC and tell people who are your family and friends to not talk about him or give you any information about him. And if you should run into any of those who know him try ignore what they say because they will only feed you crap and then the bad cycles goes on. If you can try go places when and where you wont run into someone who knows him it will be good. They who knows him are either deluded or is in denial about who he is.

[divine1966]

What an awful idiot. Block him from everywhere, and tell others to block him.

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[nicoleflynn]

Do not respond to him, ever....do you have a dog? I would get one in case he decides to come out of hiding/pepper spray.

[Haunted1]

I have a dog, she unfortunately is a wimp. She was abused as a pup and is very skittish around people.

I have pepper spray, I also have a pistol permit and a pistol I take when I go out. It's not loaded because I don't want to risk him wrestling it from me and using it against me, but should he see me out he knows I have a gun. He also knows I'm not a roll over and take it kind of girl.

See, the reason I don't understand is that I never let him control me. I never once let him push me around. He would push me down and crap but number one I liked it and number two I always gave as good as I got. It's not like I was a beaten woman that just rolled over and took the abuse. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, I understand it's hard to get out of those situations but I was never ever a battered woman.

I stand up for myself, I'm a fighter and he knows that. So, I don't see the point in this. He knows I'll never go back, he knows he can't beat me down into submission there's really no end game going on.

[divine1966]

Why does it matter why he does it. He clearly isn't well. I wouldn't spend time thinking why but worry about my safety

Well if he pushed you down and you liked it, it clearly gave him a thrill or he wouldn't do it. Maybe he can't find anyone who likes it or engages in such encounters (I might be wrong but I don't think it's common, I had many men and an almost 50 but thankfully none engaged in or liked any type of physical altercation or rough play or anything rough verbal or physical, I assume it is not that common for women either so he might have no luck finding anyone) and hopes you'll go for it again.

You might not consider yourself battered woman but he might see it differently and he might enjoy that you fight back. In fact many abusers do enjoy the fact that woman fights back. And I am surprised you are saying he didn't control you. Whatever he did then and is doing now by messing with your life is a control.

Bottom line the situation might appear different to him than to you. And it doesn't even matter what he does and why. What matters as he sounds dangerous ( if he killed your cat he is very capable of serious violence). At some point he was allowed to mess with your life and he sees no reason to stop.

I would still try restraining order and if you can't then talk to your lawyer and police what you can do. Maybe you lawyer can advice what to do with rumor spreading. I would most certainly ask a lawyer

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[tearsinabottle]

Yes many abusers do like when the woman fights back, it gives them a thrill and they enjoy the control being able to do what they do. I agree with Divine in that this dangerous man see it differently. Psychopaths are know for not wanting to let go or quit.

[~Christina]

I would consult an attorney ,, He/she can draw up legal paperwork advising him to stop this behavior.. I assume you know where he lives /works.

If he ignores it you will then have what you need to get a restraining order.

Stay safe any way possible

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I would consult an attorney ,, He/she can draw up legal paperwork advising him to stop this behavior.. I assume you know where he lives /works.


If he ignores it you will then have what you need to get a restraining order.


Stay safe any way possible

Yup. That's what I would do.

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