BPD and navigating

I have been in an on again off again relationship with a man who likes to leave our relationship very ambiguous to say the least.

A little history:
we dated a few years ago for eight months and then he faded for a few years only to reappear last year. We got back together, only for him to disappear again. Both incidences he left me with zero closure, both disappearances have triggered my BPD.

With the help of DBT and God I am dealing relatively well, but his birthday is coming up and I am having really hard time navigating what I am suppose to do. I know that for most people this a no brainier, he established that he does not want to communicate with me by ignoring a few texts that i sent a months ago and not reaching out to me; but the need to reach out to him is really strong. Please note i could convince myself that world is flat if it prevented me from suffering what is perceived rejection on my part - yes that is the funny thing about BPD - you can reject us countless of times, but us reject you, forget it!!!

If anyone has any insights/suggestions or comments please let me know.

Hi theegoandtheid, I am so sorry you have been abandoned and had your hopes rekindled to only have them dashed again. Your ex sounds abusive and narcissistic. He is a person that has hurt you multiple times. I would stop thinking about him as a person that can help you and keep working on DBT and finding solace in God.

I can see no reason to reach out to him. There is no apparent measure of human decency that he has offered to you. You owe him nothing. It may mean giving up hope in that relationship as a viable relationship. Talk about the relationship and the inconsiderate and possibly cruel way he treated you and see if you can find a way to let it go. Perhaps the reason it is so difficult to release it, is because there may be something else that is underneath it. Perhaps this is a subject for you and your therapist to explore.