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#1
Jul 05, 2015, 02:49 PM
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I just saw my neigboor ( I wrote about him in the "survior of abuse" section because I had some wonders about his lack of control and anger towards someone who offended him )
I have met many abusers and the last 5 years have been very traumatic and painful for me. There is something about my neigboor that I find likable. Its going to sound bizarre, but I think I am attracted to "who he may be". In my past I have always been attracted to abusers. Its just the pattern. My neigboor is not really my type and I am not really attracted to him as a partner, but I like to look at him and there is something about him. I am attracted to him in some way because I wonder if he is one of these men. I have been having some naughty thougths about him wondering who he is. I have had these thoughts because he talked a bit sexual last time telling me about something. Something that almost every woman ( and man ) would turn on. I may feel attracted to him simply because I am attracted to abusers, but dont know is he one. I hate abuse, but I always get attracted to them. Today I saw a woman outside his home, talking to him. That is normal and fine because he talks with many people. But I felt some jealousy or some vulnerable feelings. I have not felt that before because then I had not talked with him nearly at all, just saying hi and so. 5 days ago I sat at his terrasse for whole 6 hours, we talked. Not sure if I felt some jealousy just because he hasnt asked me to come down visiting him yet again and the combination I saw that woman. We both have said not to be afraid wanting company at his place. I do have a wish that he ask me down but its because I have these naughty thoughts about him and not really because I want a relationship. I know that is wrong way of thinking. I had to write all this to get some help what my feelings are. Is this just vulnerable feelings I have? I liked talking to him, as I have no one to talk to that much. But I would never want to sit at another man place for company if not liking him or find something attractive about the man, Then I am rather alone. But I dont feel like this with my neighboor. Maybe I feel like this only because I have some thoughs about him? or maybe its just the combination of longing for a partner I can share and talk with about everything and I know its not him and that I am still alone wondering will I ever be able to find someone nice and who really loves me. Last edited by tearsinabottle; Jul 05, 2015 at 03:04 PM. |
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#2
Jul 05, 2015, 03:12 PM
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Sounds normal to me. You like the guy, spent time with him, flirted with each other, thought about what'd it be like to have sex with him, then saw him talking to someone else and felt jealous.
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#3
Jul 05, 2015, 03:23 PM
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You are doing a great job thinking this out... you said..
but I think I am attracted to "who he may be". Actions mean EVERYTHING. You can have some harmless "thoughts" without coming up with a romantic entanglement in your own head. Find other things to think about - unless at one point - his actions show you who he really is... and then it still takes months to find out if it was real or was he on his best behavior. Sorry you feel lonely. It's not helpful to idealize what you think might be going on with people who are in relationships... and that you might be missing out. You can get passionate about other things... if some other time you do meet someone, you still have other things going on that mean a lot to you. I hope you find other things that make your heart sing... and if it is a man... let him show you who he is through his actions!!!!!
__________________
“A person is also mentally weak by the quantity of time he spends to sneak peek into others lives to devalue and degrade the quality of his own life.” Anuj Somany “Psychotherapy works by going deep into the brain and its neurons and changing their structure by turning on the right genes. The talking cure works by "talking to neurons," and that an effective psychotherapist or psychoanalyst is a "microsurgeon of the mind" who helps patients make needed alterations in neuronal networks.” Norman Doidge |
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#4
Jul 05, 2015, 03:34 PM
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Quote:
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#5
Jul 05, 2015, 03:49 PM
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Quote:
I dont know who he really is, so if being in his company again, only time would tell.That is right. It seems like we both feel its good to be a bit alone. I dont know what he was thinking but I do think if he liked my company he will ask me down again I was wondering why I felt jealous. Maybe its because I am afraid losing the friendship. That I am attracted to him because I dont know who he may be. I know its not good to be attracted to a man, for any reason when he may be an abuser. Maybe the nasty thoughts happened because of something in me that turns on dominant men. |
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#6
Jul 06, 2015, 06:39 AM
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Jealous feelings are normal... what we do with these feelings can be damaging. Looks like you have your caution flag up - good!
__________________
“A person is also mentally weak by the quantity of time he spends to sneak peek into others lives to devalue and degrade the quality of his own life.” Anuj Somany “Psychotherapy works by going deep into the brain and its neurons and changing their structure by turning on the right genes. The talking cure works by "talking to neurons," and that an effective psychotherapist or psychoanalyst is a "microsurgeon of the mind" who helps patients make needed alterations in neuronal networks.” Norman Doidge |
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#7
Jul 06, 2015, 10:42 AM
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Yes I have my guard up if I should get to know him better. Since he has answered violence with violence ( another thread I made just days ago ) I have my wonders if its an abusive person or if its an intermittent explosive disorder he has. If its mentally instead of abusive. I read about that intermittent explosive disorder yesterday. Maybe this disorder has nothing to do with it either since he gets offended first and it was some extreme situation. But its clear he lacks control whether he is abusive or not. He say he feels justified using violence back and I guess that is another red flag. Thank you both of you for replying, brainhi and Iwonderabout. |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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