Sleeping with my married ex husband!

Long story.
My ex and I divorced 6 yrs ago after he cheated. I never stopped loving him but I remarried he also remarried (same girl he cheated with). I'm now divorced again and started hanging out w my ex because of our kids. This started us having an affair after 6 years apart..He knows however I still love him and he says and I believe he cares about me and is very attracted to me. I want more and he says he can't just leave his wife because of guilt. I stress him out by always asking for help advice ect. I don't want to push him away but I cont. too nag, as he says. I feel I'm just looking for hope. What I don't understand is why he cont. to let our affair go on if I stress him out so much and he feels so guilty toward both us. What brought us back together (meaning the affair) was when I went through my 2nd divorce he helped me leave my 2nd husband who was an pill addict. He started off helping me because of our kids but that is what brought us close again and the affair started. I feel to weak to end it but I know if he cared he wouldn't put me through this.

Oh, honey. You need to let go of this relationship. He is using you. He continues your affair possibly because a) he's getting sex from two women and b) if he does something to end it, he's probably afraid you will freak and tell his current wife which would REALLY stress him out. Two pissed off women would be a lot of stress (unless this is an open relationship which I'm guessing it isn't?).

Do you have a therapist? You need to find a way of moving on and get out of this cycle. He's wasting your precious time stringing you along and you deserve much better! You are worth a decent man who loves YOU and ONLY you!

This ex of yours has no sense of being committed to a woman. If you and he got remarried, he would eventually cheat on you again.

What you are doing is wasting your time on someone who will never give you what you need. Don't kid yourself with thoughts of how you are hanging with your ex for the sake of the children. You never stopped being in love with him, and that's what motivates your behavior, including calling him for advice. This will lead to nothing good for you.

Don't be with someone who cheats - what's to stop them from cheating on you later?

And, if I'm not mistaken, that's exactly why you guys broke up in the first place!

You deserve better. I'd also consider that the other women is a stepmother to your kids, and even if the two of you got back together & she was shunted away, how would your kids react to that? Do they like her?

She doesn't deserve that, either, to be frank.

But more importantly: he's using you & you need someone who isn't going to cheat on you.

I would talk to him and explain that you won't tell his wife should he decide to not be with you, and then push for honesty: with zero consequences and a chance to be 100% honest, most people will take it; if you try it, he might choose you over her or he might take the opportunity to end things.

Be prepared for both.

Another option would be to simply tell him you can't keep it up; which might be a better solution, depending on what you choose to do.

Good luck! :-)

So he cheats on you, marries the woman he cheated on you with, and is now cheating on her with you? I think the term "once a cheater, always a cheater" is valid here.

It's difficult because he loves you and cares about you. But, he has to do "the right thing" because he is married to another woman. He asks you to stop nagging because he knows what it's all about and telling him and reminding him is not helping, he already knows, he said himself, he feels guilty. It's like when you know you have to do some work on something and people keep reminding you you have to do it. It just increases guilt. He is not trying to be mean, he is just trying to work it out and needs a clear mind without reminding. Men are that way, when we want to work stuff out we don't want extra information constantly, we just want to process what we have at that moment. Yes, he does care about you if I look at it.

I had an affair with a married man
for 14 years. He is a theologian/ evangelist
which I think made things worse...His profession
was getting in front of Christian audience and college
classrooms and preaching about God.

He had 3 kids.
I brainwashed myself into believing that after
his kids were grown, he would leave her.

Guess what?
He followed his oldest daughter off to college
to go teach and preach at her Christian school.
During her freshman yr of college his wife found out
about our affair. Next.. the Administration.
I thought for sure he would get fired, get divorced
and stay with me.

I found out a year later.. the reason why his
boss did not fire him:
Because his boss was caught having an affair, too.

My married boyfriend..is still married to his wife.

I have come to the conclusion that he married a dumb
blonde, got tired of her after 10 yrs of marriage,

and had an affair with me for the next 14 yrs.
That's right..not 14 months...14 yrs.
It is pretty easy to do when you work at the same
place...I.am a Professor.

I have also realized that people who are married
and cheat? They have no respect for themselves
or their partner.
Men compartmentalize. He put his wife in one
container, and me in another.
He kept us separate at all times.

Let him stay married to his wife.
Let them reap all the rewards of their toxic marriage.

My advice to you?
Exes are exes for a reason.
Leave this guy in the dust.

You need to give yourself some time away from him and search your heart and soul to see what you are really doing. You need to put your life, first. I've always told myself that I would never cheat, it has been done to me and I would never do that to someone else. You need to make up your mind to let your ex go AND then find a way to go on with your life. If at sometime down the road, your ex divorces his current wife, wait and see if he comes back to you. Remember, you are hurting his wife and she doesn't deserve that from you. You need to think about this and then do the right thing for yourself and his current wife and your children. Don't continue this affair just to take revenge on his wife for taking him from you. My advice to you, is to run like the wind and get away from him. Also, remember if your kids know that you are meeting with their father...it would break their hearts when he ends the affair to be with his current wife.

If I hurt your feelings, I am sorry....think of yourself and your kids, first.

Wait as far as I can tell no one's yet mentioned what you're doing. You are willfully being a mistress when the reason you left him is because he cheated on you with the woman he is married to now? Do you see how I dont' understand how you are even in the position you are in? So everyone is calling this man a cheater but you are no less an adulteress too being with a man that you know is cheating. You are not innocent of guilt here either and I don't understand the one sided answers that I've seen here.

Get out of that relationship. Face the fact that you're on the other side of the table now and the mistress and realize that this man, willingly cheats with women, period. Why would you even think it means anything to him? I'm not even sure you understand the implications of the entire love triangle here.

Also, I really hope his wife finds out, she probably believes that she was his one time weakness or some fairytale shyt like that.


But then, it's only common sense to expect your husband to cheat if that's how you acquired the husband in the first place.


Then again, some people are really naive and way too trusting of people who never earned their trust in the first place.

My sister is dating a married man right now who has been telling her he's going to leave his wife for the past year now and he claims he's only with his wife because of the medical insurance. He can tell my sister how much he loves her all he wants, but who's he going to bed with every night? His wife. She's being played and she believes him. He has no intention of leaving his wife.

I was talking to a cop once (we were in the very beginning stages of just starting to flirt, hadn't even gone on one date yet) and he told me that he was getting a divorce from his wife who was abusing him. Something clicked and I immediately remembered that was the same cop who was hitting on me two years ago who told me the same exact story then. Not sure how I could have forgotten that, but I did. Right after he told me that, I said "No thanks, that's what they all say!" and didn't talk to him again.

A woman who willingly stays with a married man, does not love or respect herself enough to NOT be "the other woman". I would be overwhelmed with jealousy if my "boyfriend" went back to his wife after our dates, I'm definitely not cut-out for that kind of "relationship".

Well said RavensP. Agree!
This is sound advice. TAKE IT