Trust & Disclosure

I don't know how to start this thread.....so I'll just ramble on........

I have a difficultly trusting ppl with things I disclose to them about my life, worries,.....everyday matters. There are some ppl in my life that I "trust" but I know that they share my "life problems"...etc with other ppl. I have my thoughts or interpretations on why they do this...... . Maybe they think they are helping me, perhaps they're lives are boring and my "life problems" are more interesting,.......... . Lack of boundaries and respect comes to mind often. I hate being peged as the "mentally ill" person in social gatherings.

it's a struggle. i've lost friends over my depression. one of my best ones just couldn't cope with me. and i thought that we would be friends until we died. not. it affected my marriages.

all we can do is just vent here and know that we're understood here and work on finding friends that are "unconditional".....love ya, pat

I think most of us struggle with the question what to disclose as it may get around to other people.

Definately when in an email format.

I think you said it boundaries - something to ponder on - what is private is private.

Zen, trust and disclosure are biggies with me, too. From a rather young age -- meaning by my early 20s -- I realized that I should never, ever disclose something if I really didn't want that person to tell a single other person. Because everyone tells someone -- a bf, gf, special friend, etc. And the pebble's circles in the water keep getting bigger and eventually one of those waves hits me.

As well, I was in newspaper, so I learned early the value of keeping my trap shut.

I also feel that our society has gone way overboard in thinking that we are supposed to disclose information. Why do you need my zip code if I am purchasing with cash? One time, when I refused to disclose my name for a cash sale, my now X, just write down that she's Mrs. John Gotti. OK, this cultural reference may be dated for some of you, as he's dead, but he was a big mafia don always in the news at the time.

I know that's not the kind of disclosure you mean, Zen, but it all kind of ties to together for me. If I resent giving my zip code, how the heck am I ever going to trust anyone with the big stuff.

On the other hand, there are plenty of time when I say what's on my mind because I figure life turns out crappy no matter how hard I try to fit in and present myself correctly.

Trust and disclosure are overwhelming and baffling for me.

Thank-you everyone

Anymore suggestions or comments welcome

I know how it is. Until four months ago, I never told anyone about my deeper feelings and/or thoughts. I changed, though. To list how I became more open:

1: I became depressed, hence I had to talk to someone.
2: I found people who I could talk to about this. Don't tell your problems to anyone, some people will use it to bring you down.
3: I'm not afraid of people's reactions anymore. So what if they don't like what I tell them? %#@&#! those shallow bastards.

It's all about the right attitude, and having the right people to talk to. If you can't find anyone receptible enough amongst your friends, talk to a shrink, or someone similar. Currently, I have told maybe 50 people in my real life (friends, family, shrinks, teachers, etc.) about my problems and innermost thoughts.

It's a wonderful thing when we're understood here ((((((((((((((( Zen888 ))))))))))))))

I think we all struggle with this issue.I hide some stuff from people. Like the fact that i don't drive due to Epilepsy. One friend of mine did not know i did not drive untill one night he saw me across the street from this club waiting for a bus after a concert. I don't feel the need to tell everyone i meet all my business. But at times i'm not sure who i should trust etc.

Does anyone else have this problem........

Ppl that you are close to pass on or tell ppl about you and tell others about your problems either day to day problems or health related problems ...... and then you feel not able to open up or be yourself .... like who here have they told about me (in social situations)?

Definitely, I identify with this issue.
I truly wish I had never confided with any of the people at my workplace about anything going on in my life. I sense than none of it remained confidential. Lately, I don't confide to anyone, period, except here on PC!
Patty

Thank-you everyone!

Ok.......

How do I not come across as boring or alouf around ppl that I am close to but I know talk about my health condition ...etc behind my back to other ppl?

bump

Zen,

That's a tough one. I'd advise maybe to think about it in a different way, instead of worrying about how you come off to them, maybe just be yourself? If they're true friends, they'll stick by you, and if they're not, they're probably not worth keeping around anyway. If the fact that they talk about you behind your back bothers you, maybe mention it to them? They may not realise that it upsets you..

-Meander

I agree with meander...