[crushed73]

hi there .. i am a 33 yr old professional and single. For the last 5 months i was in a relationship with a man that told me he was getting seperated and going to divorce his wife. He told me he loved me made future plans, had me around his 2 yr old twins where we took in public everywhere and we were around his work people and it was obvious we were a couple in public and out.He said he was scared as he had kids that were young and loved them and so afraid he would not get them all the time since he was the primary caregiver since she traveled all the time. He told me that they had a friendship and that was it but that she is a very high powered figure in our town and he was concerned that she could get him fired etc. Ya know i beleived him loved me BUT i kept telling him get it over with and you will be happy and take the steps.. he said he would talk to her and tell her that he was unhappy but she would say i had no idea etc..Beleive me this story gets even better.. and when i say that i mean i just am a disaster right now. So i had a friend who has a gal that is somewhat gifted psychicly. This woman from the begininng told me that this man is genuine in his feelings but that he has no intentions on leaving the wife and that he does have a relationship with her. Well being a dummy that i am i told him hey this gal said this.. he said i dont have a romantic relationship with her but a friendship and im not happy and that lady is nuts.. well i started to get addicted to this ladies predictions etc and also i wanted to know what was going to happen as everytime he was gonna tell her that he was gonna leave he whimped out said he doing this in a methodical manner to make it be her idea and then just about a week ago he said well i asked her if she had someone since i told him this gal had said something to the extent as that she has a guy at work interested so he said it peaked his interest and she told him no then he said her blackberry was locked and she had never done that before. I was wondering well why does he care and he said because i wish she tell me so i can do my thing. I dont know?? ugh. Anyway, last wednesday my phone rings and it is him.. i miss the call and call back like 3 times seeing that i thought maybe he didnt hear it or music n car on or something. Well nothing back that nite but then in the am he calls and says he has all his clothes in his car and his on his way to a hotel as she kicked him out and said for the time being lets lay low etc. He starts crying about his kids.well what was interesting is this lady that i been talking to about the predictions said look for a breakup in the next 20 days and a new female energy is around.. he hasnt done anything but he may have intent and flirting. She also said that the wife knows of calls but not everything. He calls me friday and is sobbing saying she knows about us but i lied and said it was a phone affair.. but then she found receipts for drinks at a local bar.. i mean come on im not dumb and buying that so could she? Also, he said as long as she doesnt know we had sex and im like u wanted to leave anyway and he said it is all too real to me now and im freaking as i cant lose my kids. he said he went to an attorney on tues so who knows but he says "look i love my kids more and i want to tuck them in and wake up with them". So i cant see you anymore and also no calls texts get rid of pics of kids as she will kill us if she sees that etc. He even went further to say that her lunch on last fri she asked him to go on was going to be because she wanted to split and take care of her assets etc. So i went all weekend no contact upset wondering what is going on to come in on mon to work and have him call and say look i told her just a phone affair she said she gonna call so i ask did you have sex with her and he said yes i did and i will do anything to keep my kids that her emotions are all over the map and that one min she crying one min she mad and then after she said she used me? Please bare with me as i am almost done here but then i said who is the other girl.. and he came right out and said a girl at work that was just texting flirting and it was an ego thing and that he wanted nothing with her but liked the attention. I have had that happen and i can be honest and say i have done it as well. im not perfect. He says he going to counseling with her and will live a lie to keep his kids but still loves me. He isnt saying he will continue with me and what interesting is he says she knows all about me but that woman hasnt called me? I desperately want her to call as i think she should know but i dont want to come right out and tell her i want to do it in a manner which she just knows.I dont want to hurt her. we are all hurt but i kept telling him tell her so she can be happy and have a life too. Why do people stay together for the kids when kids know it is a lie? Right now i just keep bawling, im on freaking xanax, zoloft and under suicide watch with my family, friends. I feel like i been lied to and i feel bad for the wife. I thought he loved me. The worst thing is.. i still love him and want him YET when i think of having him i get disgusted. I told him i hated him yesterday and he was crying saying he still loved me that nothing changed but he loves kids more. I have compassion but i need help on this matter. Im sure there will be some that thinkk i got what i deserve but i was told he was not happy and going to be leaving. so Now i am going stir crazy wanting this woman to call me and i want to call her yet let her know it me but let her know that her husband has had a SEXUAL affair and said he was in love with me and not a darn phone affair.. i am curious.. would anyone beleive a phone affair? Please help me.

[bebop]

I have been there myself with a married man and 9 times out of 10 they never leave the wife. I would myself think I would call her and let her know what a jerk she is married to and then tell him I want nothing more to do with him. then never get involved with another married man as long as I live.

[crushed73]

im hurting so bad.. a part of me beleives that he loves me and he not thinking clearly then a part is like wtf? I want to call but i dont want to be the one to call.. know what i mean bee?

[Direction]

I'm glad you were able to post this...I know that it took a lot to pour this out.

I promise you that you will find very caring people here!

[bebop]

yes hon I know what you mean and I know you are hurting beyond belief right now. I am so sorry you are going thru all this. if you don't call her just please don't see him and fall for his stuff again. that is only more pain and you don't need that. I am sure she knows he is a cheater already. maybe she considers herself to have a live in babysitter with him so she can travel and do her job. maybe that is the reason she stays gone is his cheating. I am sure you are not the first one and won't be the last. hang in there sweetie

[crushed73]

do you think i should have someone call and tell her the truth? I mean dont you think it odd she hasnt called me yet? Not just phone calls but a pic of me etc and we live in same freaking town.. phone affair my butt.

[bebop]

I think it is up to you hon. maybe let some time pass a bit and cool down a little bit first. then think about letting her know.

[jefftele]

(((((((((((((crushed73)))))))))))))))) x

[Wants2Fly]

((((((((((((((Crushed)))))))))))))))

I'm sorry that you are hurting. But you can and will heal and pick yourself off the floor eventually. Give yourself time to grieve and heal.

Remember that you DO NOT have to act on every emotion, especially those that include vengefulness, vindictiveness. If you take action on these emotions, you will not like yourself for that at some point in the futue.


A. Why do you want to call his wife and tell her about anything? What is that going to get you that will make your life better? It sounds like mischief making to me.

B. You are 33. I think it's naive to get involved with a married man at this age, but that's me, I'm cynical. You made a mistake. Learn from it. But why do you need to screw up his life, his wife's life, and life for his kids anymore than it is already? I don't get the point of it.

[Direction]

"you made a mistake. learn from it" so true take the other comments with a grain a salt and don't beat yourself up over the mistake or the thoughts of wanting to get even.

Let go of the thoughts you know won't help anyone...and just learn from this experience.

[crushed73]

i know it is really weird as i woke up this morning i felt an odd quietness about it all which im sure my mood will change but i felt like what is anytthing i do gonna change this.. He has to change his situation ... i cant. I think i hate that i cant control any of it and im just really sad as i thought he was someone he wasnt.

[bebop]

hon that is what married men that cheat do! let it go and move on as soon as you can. she probably already knows he is a cheat and one day she will get very tired of his behavior and leave him. I feel bad for the kids but don't beat yourself up over something you have no control over. he isn't worth it.

[meander]

((((((crushed))))))))

I hope you feel better. I think you should think really really carefully before telling the wife about you and him... Yes, it's the truth, and a part of her will want to know, but she'll be hurt more. I was in a similar situation (altho not with a married guy) and told the other girl, and I still feel guilty for causing her that much pain, even the guy would have never come clean. It's a tough one, just make sure you think about it first.

Hope you feel better soon, and it's a cliche, but there are more fish in the sea. Some unmarried fish too no doubt.

-Meander

[Perna]

I would "get rid of" the woman with "psychic" abilities as I think she distracted you so you didn't pay attention the man and your relationships. She sounds like she knew a lot less than you did about the whole thing (since she was in no way part of it) so acting on her opinion instead of what you knew, trying to see the "future" when the present had problems, didn't serve you very well I don't think.

My husband left his first wife, not "for" me but because of me and how much better he felt his life was with me, etc. I was helpful and supportive of him and enjoyable to be with when his first wife did little except complain about how poorly "life" and other people were treating her, was "clingy," and constantly told him how he wasn't making her happy (not his job!). When he moved out into his own apartment, she changed her hair style hoping that would get him back. Clueless. "Real" men do do whatever if necessary to improve their lives just like real women do! But I have trouble (with myself mostly! :-) with the phrase, "I am going to. . ." that isn't followed by instant action. There's no reason to talk about what I am going to do, I just need to do it. Like the usefulness of your psychic friend, any talk about the future is not getting life lived in the here and now and I'm coming to see that, for me, that's one of the more important lessons about life; living in the here and now.

[crushed73]

perna.. i know but it is like an addiction.. all of it. Because she been right on so much everytime i hear something i automatically assume all the bad is gonna happen. I have panic attacks and my parents have intervened and have me on suicide watch. I feel devestated and im not trying to be poor me but i am so heartbroken i cannot function daily. Today is the first day i got up and washed my hair and looked presentable in the last week. I went to lunch with my sister and actually had a nice time. I went and got a couple of self help books so i am trying but almost every morning is the worst for me. I am not sure if it is the xanax i am on or what.. i wonder if when it wears off it makes me feel worse. I had a panic attack before my sis showed up and im not sure if they will go away anytime soon.

[Wants2Fly]

Hi there -- Don't expect too much of yourself. You may feel badly for quite some time. . . it's called grieving. In the old days, it was expected that people would grieve for a year after the loss of a loved one, and people wore black or a black arm band as a signal to other people.

Our society discredits emotions. A loved one dies and you're expected to be back at work three days later.

[crushed73]

i do feel like i have lost my best friend and lover. It hurts so bad. I have not spoke to him since thursday and today i have to go to the place of his work to meet with a client. I am sick to my gut and dont know what to do.

[Direction]

This is were you need your mask on...The one you were to make the world think everything is ok...

Don't seek him out and be polite and cordial if you run into him (be professional - I guess is the word I'm looking for...)

[crushed73]

well i saw him at the workplace but didnt look at him nor he at me.. we might as well be strangers.. i am just heartbroken today.

[Direction]

I have a book that may help...it was something someone gave me when I went through my divorce. I realize that this is not a divorce; however, it talks about the two sides...the one who is surprised and the one who does the surprising on ending a relationship.

It might help.

[crushed73]

ok so another day where i am panicking to all get out. I have to run to the bank again that he works at and im getting afraid and nausea.. i am upset as he has to look at my deals.. yesterday no return email on it or call which is rude.. how can he just cut off like im a stranger.

[Direction]

You mentioned the importance of his kinds - just had a thought cutting off might be a requirement that was layed down by wife...

[TYMBERWOLV]

Crushed,

I agree with Direction it might not be his choosing if he wants to stay with his spouse...

IMHO i feel that you need to attempt to take a step back in this situation allow the dust to settle and wage your options...

Question is if he is willing to leave his wife for you what will be the chances of him leaving you under the same circumstances ???


Tymber

I agree with Tymber on this one. sorry crushed. count your losses and get out. i know it hurtw and its easy for us to say, this man is not worth your hurt and pain. he will do it again and again probably.

good luck, here to support you. jinnyann xoxoxoxxo

[crushed73]

thank you guys.. well we spoke and he says he still loves me etc but that she made him promise not to talk to me and also now he has a new number that she made him change it and also he said they had a fight last nite with her saying that she doesnt beleive him. He said if it gets him one more day with his kids he do anything but i dont know... I asked why she hasnt called me and he said i dont know but she could and also that maybe she is doing alot of digging to find more lies .. he told her we met in december and didnt text til march.. well if she gets any of the phone bills and she could.. she know that wasnt true...