Did I handle myself OK?

I've had nothing but problems with this BPD female friend of mine and I've finally had enough and told her how I feel in a polite, yet firm manner while she insists on behaving like a child and lashing out at me. I've been nothing but nice and caring to her, yet she is mean to me over every slight mistake that I make and it's gotten to the point that I'm afraid to even tell her about my feelings let alone develop any kind of closeness with her.

I don't wish to rehash every little thing about us so I'll include a link from another thread that I made awhile back in the "partners and caregivers of people with personality disorders" forum:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/partn...ining-her.html

Below, I'll include pictures of our conversation in my Gmail inbox so that you all can let me know: did I react too harshly? Am I the bad person that she makes me out to be? Tell me yourself.

Please keep in mind about the whole eBay section of her reply, I did not scam people on eBay like she claimed I did. I got several negative reviews because PayPal put a hold on the money that I was using to purchase the products from my supplier to ship the product to them due to a huge spike in increased sales which caused me to get the items shipped late.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/relat...ml#post4708835

Now, was I really in the wrong over this? I don't think that I was.

Wow, I wouldn't have been able to handle that kind of abuse as calmly as you did. Ouch, that must've hurt. Many hugs

i would edit out her photo and name in top right corner.

from what i read it sounds like this woman doesn't really care

You're right. I was extremely agitated when I posted this and thus, I missed some of the photos and names because my head wasn't exactly clear. I need a break from the internet for now, but I'll hop on later and fix it. In the meantime, if I'm breaking any rules by having the photos posted, the admins are welcome to take them down.

I'm proud of myself. not even 2 years ago I would have resorted to retaliation, but as it stands, I've clearly far more of an adult now than she makes me out to be.

Yes, I've made mistakes and no our interactions haven't always been perfect, but I don't think I've screwed up badly enough to deserve this kind of treatment from her.

Alas, no offense to any BPD people here, but this is the second BPD female that has hurt me in a major way and as a result, I don't see myself ever even bothering with any kind of closeness with a female with BPD ever again.

One of the good things about getting older is that things like this sometimes upset you less than they would when you were younger. Partly because of age and experience but also becoming more zen as life teaches us. Her words are harsh and cruel, but yours are not. She is a friend, not your wife. You don't share a house and children. There are some relationships worth investing in, like a marriage or a career or your business. But friends who are messed up can mess you up. And if you're damaged or vulnerable, not only can you attract bad influences, you're less able to deal with them. You are young, bright, have your future ahead of you. I'm not saying become a hermit or obsessed with being successful/ rich but move on. Learn from the experience and find kinder friends who treat you right. Yes, focus on getting your head right, but also think about the kind of people you want to hang out with. Think of the hours spent trying to make it right with her. What else could you have done with that time? That wouldn't leave you feeling so bad? I hope you feel better soon.

I have walked in these shoes. They pinch something awful and the only way you feel better is when you take them off and let your feet (yourself) heal.

I'm saying this because you asked for feedback. I'd say the only "wrong" thing you did was putting yourself lower than this woman, and then continuing to seek connection when she said things that should have rpobably sent you packing. Reading it, I felt a sense of desperation from you - desperate to be a good friend and maybe to have a friend, I"m not sure. But with some people, clearly this person, they thrive when they feel one up.

In rereading it, do you see where maybe it would have been better for you to stop the conversation, and maybe the friendship sooner?

Oh wow. She could certainly handle it better politely stating she is very busy with her family and will get to you when she has more time. Or even politely state she doesn't want to continue communication. Instead she is really rude!

She doesn't sound like she is even a friend. Who speaks to friends in this manner?

Is this the same woman who has a significant other but sleeps with other men? She lacks class. She doesn't sound like worth bothering with. You are frankly way smarter than she is.

Do edit her pic and name and focus on good deeds and good people.

You handled it great. Very mature and intelligent. Way to go!

Ps I agree with whoever posted earlier that the only wrong thing is that you didn't stop sooner!

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Yes, she is the same woman who has casual sex with other men. Unfortunately for her, most of the men that she attracts on the side are pricks. I mean heck, she had two men in 6 months threaten to rape her because she wouldn't have sex when they wanted so that should tell you how bad she is in that area. I'm no saint in that department myself, but even I have calmed down dramatically in recent months.

I've been so stressed over this topic that I have yet to eat dinner so let me eat and get something to drink and I'll correct the photo issue.

Before I go, I would like to add that not too long after I made this post, she claimed that I was nothing more than a con who was unworthy of trust and she was telling me that I never meant anything to her and I am expendable and she only kept in contact with me because she felt sorry for me along with other random hurtful things.

She says this all because I told her one lie about me going to a psychiatric ward during the summer which I told only because she started treating me like crap constantly over 1 Facebook post that apparently triggered her BPD symptoms and wouldn't ease up despite many attempts to go out of my way to make it up to her.

Oh and she also claims that I'm a thief and a leech because I don't have a regular job and because I had her friended on my old eBay account and she ASSUMES that I scammed people out of money because she looked and saw a few negative reviews without knowing the whole story. What she doesn't realize is that I have difficulties holding a normal 9-5 because of social related issues and insecurities of my own and I am still paying for the issue with eBay and it has hurt my credit, yet what happened wasn't intended to be malicious.

Despite my faults, I try to work on my problems every day and improve myself and I do make money online and pay for a lot of my own things.

In short, I have screwed up and I'm not always the best at communication, but I know very well that I don't deserve to be treated this way by her.

Anyways, I'm off to eat.

For real man she is bad news

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Oh I forgot to mention one thing: awhile back, she actually confessed to trying to murder her own mother so that she could scam her out of life insurance and upon getting caught, using her BPD to manipulate her way out of prison time. Even if I were to be this conman that she makes me out to be, she doesn't have any room to talk because I've never done anything even remotely as bad as that.

She also talks a lot of hate about society and wants all of the "stupid subhumans" as she puts it to be wiped out so humans with superior genes will take over leadership of humanity and she constantly states that she's an ET and of a different species entirely.

So yes, she is all kinds of messed up, yet at the same time, I've kept her in my life as long as I have because she's the only woman that I have in my life that seemed to remotely understand me, yet her behavior has proved otherwise.

To think that I was actually in love with this woman enough that I wanted her to break off her relationship and be with me LOL

Anyways, I'm editing the photos as we speak and I'll include the revised ones in a reply.

Revised photos:

I think you handled it as well as can be expected. I would have lost my cool at some point.

And yeah, anyone who attempted murder for any reason is no one I'd be friends with. That's scary stuff.

Thanks. I'm so tired but I can't sleep no matter how hard I try. All my mind wants to do right now is browse PC and check my email hoping that she will send me a heartfelt apology.

I suck at handling rejection even if the rejection is in my best interest.

I have therapy in the morning, yet I don't think that I will have the motivation to leave my bed when I finally do pass out.

Please go see a therapist. And don't wait for her reply.

Listen, trust me she doesn't have superior genes whatsoever . Sense of grandeur is probably part of her mental illness. Stay far away from her.

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I can definitely relate. Even when someone I care about was very rude to me, I still don't want to forget about them or get away from them. Eventually I even say I don't care about an apology, all I want is the person to talk to me.

Damn, I didn't sleep at all. Went to bed at 9AM only to wake up 3 times throughout the night to get on my computer to check for replies here and to check my email. I'm really quite pathetic.

If I didn't have such a hard time opening up to people then this wouldn't be a big deal to me, but after this experience, I'm going to have a much harder time obtaining any kind of closeness with anybody ever again.

What's bad is that I actually took some of the things that she said about me to heart and I woke up at 12AM and sent her a detailed apology letter kindly stating that I was wrong and begging her forgiveness.

It is true that I haven't been open with her in recent months, but do you blame me? She flips out on me when I say certain things and after our first real argument, I've become afraid to even tell her the truth about certain parts of my life or being open with her because she treats me like this when I do.

Ah well, I need to avoid emotional attachments while I fix my life anyways especially ones that aren't worth the energy.

You aren't pathetic. It's human nature to want to make deep social and romantic connections with others of our species. We are, of all things, a socially dependant species. Its complicated and confusing and it hurts sometimes....I should know. We all hurt.

I hope the pain diminishes to a somewhat bearable level for you.

Yes, I only continued as long as I did because I was desperate. I want to be understood and accepted which is extremely difficult because of my problems. As it stands right now, I have no other women in my life aside from a couple that I've befriended on PC which makes the rejection even more painful.

With my income and mental health being as unstable as it is, what women is going to want to deal with me? Even finding women to have sex with me is difficult beings I don't have a car currently let alone somebody who can show me any kind of affection.

I'm unlovable when I'm not at my best.

You're not the only desperate person around PC. I tried hitting on a guy half a world away. If you also look at my posts on other threads, I'm so damn lonely I shop around for wedding dresses....wishfully thinking i'll be able to use one someday. Can't get more lonely and desperate than me these days.

I didn't think that I was. Come to think about it, I don't think that I've ever had a taste of anything even remotely resembling true love because I always tend to attract abusive women with a mean streak.

If it makes you feel better, I like you. I think that you're cool as hell

I think you're cool as hell too.

You are all cool guys. I love your posts.

Life is tough isn't it?

Well if you aren't in a good place to be able to date successfully id still suggest you stir away from mean or trashy people, girls like this chick. It sucks being alone and lonely but being treated poorly sucks even worse!

Don't settle

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