[Confundido]

A friend was talking to me and told me it is upto me to make things happen. And I told him that only miracle can change my life.
When I said that I meant it.

I really really want the guy back in my life. I couldn't make him fall in love with me, infact more I tried I pushed him away. He might have fell in love if I accepted for sex but I'm not sure about it. But definitely I'm sure if I had sex without love, I wouldn't have been able to respect myself again.

I did right thing, I know that. But, I lost him. Even today I want him back, I wish for it everyday. I see him often but he is unapproachable now. I can't do anything.

Do you believe, we can get everything we want? We can control everything?

[divine1966]

No we cannot have everything we want. In your case it's a very good thing that you don't get what you want. This man is bad news. No men don't fall in love because woman agrees to sex. And If a man falls in love he would wait for sex

Yes it's up to you to make many things happen in your life but not in a direct kind of way. For example if you like these type of guys perhaps you need therapy to explore why. Then perhaps you need to expand dating pool and look for certain signs and red flags. Get healthier yourself . Then you will start meeting better men and hopefully the one. Or if you are unemployment it's up to you to go apply for jobs. Etc etc

Good for you not sleeping with him. See these kind if things are up to you.

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[littleowl2006]

Sometimes it is hard to accept and let go, so we rather put the blame on ourselves. It is easier to be mad about a loss than to be calm and take it in, so I guess this is where the need for action comes from. I have been there too. It passes.
I agree with divine1966 - you did the right thing and you can be proud of yourself!

[goku23]

no, we can't control everything but we can control everything about ourselves.
his feelings are down to him, out of your control but you can definitely control your feelings about him i.e. getting over him.

it's not easy, but it's doable.
mind, body, spirit, we can control even though it's very difficult.

i hope it works out for you OP.

[Trippin2.0]

Absolute control is an illusion.


We definitely cannot control others, and if sex made men fall in love then there'd be no prostitutes left on the planet.

[gayleggg]

This reminded me of the song by Garth Brooks, Thank God for Unanswered Prayers. We never know what is ahead of us. It might be something greater than we at one time thought. I had a guy once that I thought was right for me but things didn't work out. I found out now he is on the Sex Offenders List. Think of the misery I might have gone through had I gotten my wish.

Try to look forward not back.

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by gayleggg

This reminded me of the song by Garth Brooks, Thank God for Unanswered Prayers. We never know what is ahead of us. It might be something greater than we at one time thought. I had a guy once that I thought was right for me but things didn't work out. I found out now he is on the Sex Offenders List. Think of the misery I might have gone through had I gotten my wish.

Try to look forward not back.

Amen to that!

I would be a battered woman if I had gotten what I originally wanted.

[healingme4me]

OP, you'd "want" a person, who would run far away because you wanted to wait on sex?

On that note, let me toss in a word of caution before you go looking for Mr. Goodbar, with that thinking, there's reason to be concerned about how you plan to achieve this notion.

[vonmoxie]

Conversely, I've become more apt to wonder if ultimately there is anything really in our control. I used to be a big fan of believing that everything about my own destiny could be directed by me, that I could create it all, manifest positive thoughts, etc. etc. It seems to me that this line of thinking can get a person into just as much trouble though, as believing that nothing is in our control can; but especially where other people are concerned, because each of gets our own destiny to attempt to be at least somewhat in control of.

From Wikipedia, regarding how maintaining both an internal and an external locus of control* orientation best serves us:

People that have the combination of the two types of locus of control are often referred to as Bi-locals. People that have Bi-local characteristics are known to handle stress and cope with their diseases more efficiently by having the mixture of internal and external locus of control. People that have this mix of loci of control can take personal responsibility for their actions and the consequences thereof while remaining capable of relying upon and having faith in outside resources; these characteristics correspond to the internal and external loci of control, respectively. An example of this mixed system would be an alcoholic who will accept the fact that he brought the disease upon himself while remaining open to treatment and/or acknowledging that there are people, mainly doctors and therapists, that are trying to cure his/her addiction, and on whom he should rely.

On another note, wishing for too long about someone things haven't worked out with can close us off to new possibilities, and in my experience there are nearly as many kinds of fish in the sea as there are fish, and some are quite fantastic when we have our eyes open to see them. At some point or other it does tend to be a good idea to let certain things go, instead of focusing for a longer time than may be effective, on things that may not be in our control at all.

Good luck.

*In personality psychology, locus of control refers to the extent to which individuals believe they can control events affecting them. A person's "locus" (Latin for "place" or "location") is conceptualized as either internal (the person believes they can control their life) or external (meaning they believe their decisions and life are controlled by environmental factors which they cannot influence, or by chance or fate).