Girlfriend wants us to get married

I don't know if that's a good idea. Here's a bit of info about us:

Girlfriend:
*Paraplegic
*Has a 2 year old child.
*Lives with dad.

Me:
*Schizophrenic
*Lives with ex-step dad's mother
*No financial income

She says that she'd marry me because I would "put up" with her and understand her.

I was thinking that I could acquire some sort of income and/or an apartment and afterwards discuss marriage.

Her plan was to get married so that her dad would give her the house. Then get a car and find a job and go from there.

To put it bluntly, that is a really shyt plan.


You can't live on love and fresh air, you can't guarantee her dad would give her a house, and if he did, how would you finance it? You still need to pay for food and utilities, etc... What if he's thinking, she has a husband now to take care of her, and says she needs to move out? Like has he actually said he would give her a house once she has a husband????


Your idea of an income and some stability first is a good plan, its smart and mature.


Furthermore, getting married because somebody will put up with you is a really depressing reason to get married and marriage is supposed to be a joyful occasion.

I don't think that's a good reason to get married.

You might consider living together but certainly do not get married

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Jupi, How long have you and your girlfriend been dating?

Her dad is probably not going to "give her the house." Where does she think he is going to go? And how us she going to just "get a car." It sounds like you are more sensible than she is.

It would be an achievement, if you could find a job. That's a good goal. But you would need to be in that job for at least a year before you would have any business taking on the responsibilities of a wife and child. I think your instinct that her plan is not a sound idea is a good one. Listen to your gut.

Would her father possibly be interested in you moving in to his house with him still there? That might be an option to explore, depending on how long and how strong your relatuonship with this young woman has been.

I think her family is rich and she's privileged. Her dad owns three houses and masses of land. Right now, her dad is in Brazil. She says that her father promised
to give her the present house if she gets married.

When a came to visit her about a week ago, her mom lended me a car, a new addition Chrysler. I'm continuing to use the car... Like wow.

When I met her, I was applying for ssi. Haven't heard anything from ssi yet. If I get approved, I was planning on getting an apartment somewhere away from my hometown and helping my family. But, if I decide to marry her at anytime, I won't be able to help my family unless I have a better income than that of ssi. If I get disapproved, I won't be able to help my family or my relationship.

For about 2 months.

Yeah maybe you're right. I'm black and she's white. I don't think her family favor her dating a black man or even marrying a black man. Sometimes I think she's dating me to be rebellious or she's trying to help me out because of my life situation.

Marriage out of the question i think

Maybe. But I wouldn't get married because of love. Due to my schizophrenia, I lack those kind of emotions but I know a little about right and wrong, peace and patience. Think I can make up for my lack of emotions with those things.

Two months isn't very long to know someone. Also, you don't want to marry a girl who is just with you to be rebellious. You both need many more months to get to really know each other.

Too soon to marry. I got married six months after meeting and regretted not waiting longer.

Terrible idea. You need to get your life in order before adding a wife and child. I'm sorry she sounds totally unstable and out to use people in all kinds of ways .

You have enough on your plate, 2 months is really nothing. Focus on yourself.

Jupi, Take time to get to know each other. Marriage is a lifetime (hopefully) commitment.

2 months? Way early. By the way being on SSI you can still work. To supplement SSI with part time job

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How many relationships have you been into and for how long? Are you sure you can't develop some emotions or is it just lack of experience?

Get to know your girlfriend first. But, personally, I'd be second-guessing this relationship after being asked to get married in a 2 months relationship where both of us aren't financially stable and have specific needs, not to mention the child.

I'd like to get to know of the relationship between her and her father.

This is my first relationship.

Not having emotions, such as love, is like a survival mechanism that I've developed since my childhood.

I'd like to get to know the relationship between her and her father.

Jupi,

Ask your girlfriend, gently, to talk about her relationship with her father. It's perfectly acceptable to want to know more about her family dynamics. Good luck!

That would be a good idea. When you take on a spouse, in-laws are part of the package. There's a lot you've got to discover about who this gal is. Take the time.

I've never heard that schizophrenics don't need love. You may have a lot to learn about yourself, yet, before you commit to a situation that may not be right for you. Take it slow. This gal is in a rush. That's not a goodd sign. You have to wonder: does she really want you, or she just wants her father out of the house?

Also, someone must have to help her take care of that child. Her father has probably been filling that role and the child may really need him.