[Feel_Bull]

Hi,
I have a girlfriend we have been together now for 7 months, we are both in our late twenties, and we met online.
we are both very busy persons I am in college and working 2 jobs and taking care of my mother, I live with her.
She working as a nurse and at the same time Specializing in course of her profession. She is very smart and bright, Independent and live alone in a dorm near her job.
Since we started dating I always got this feeling shes avoiding me intimatly or for any sort of closeness.
At first I was too available and no matter when I was free she was busy at one time it was an exam she had and she did go out for a year prepaid concert with her friends. Other time it was her family she went to visit.It seem everyone is always before me.We met only once a week or less on average. I was very patiant and things after 3 months got better we did started to date for a while 2 days a week on average. Its lasted only month and a half.
She went to vacation with friends all females always. day before her flight she worked till late and we didnt got the chance to meet, never mind.
after that she came back and everything went bad once again she started avoiding from me periodicaly.
And in our dates things went really good she was enjoing herself and making future together plans,touching me.
After she came back from the vacation we met once and made plans 2 days a head.Was some kind of misunderstanding in the communication and she thought we cancel and I came to her place she wasnt home when we talked she started panicking and all defencive why did I came and why am I still there and shes busy, I asked what are you doin she said she coping papers next building. I got so upset we faught and in the end she promised to give me a key to her place .She wanted to before the fight even in our prev date(the key).
Forgot to mantion her family is 2 hour drive apart and I live a couple of minutes from her.
Then she started avoiding again saing shes very busy no time to see her family and friends even- another fight. I lost my patiance.
Then I changed strategy and started to avoid my self from her,revenge was fun but We didnt have sex for over a month because we met only once to a concert and her friend sleep over at hers.
she never told me once how she feel towards me but me neither.
When I started avoidance tactic myself she really thought I am goin to breakup from her.
Went for a date, she said she wanted to talk to me, we had the best time since ever,at the end she didnt talk at all, she only said the key wasnt made well...blha blha she will fix it.
next time we met at her place she made me dinner it was nice, but after a month with no sex i was dissapointed Because she said she need to get up early for work even though she insisted watching tv before.
Ok I thought maybe the sex isnt good or something, next date we talked I confronted her about it, she said she was really tired and busy the last month and a lot of pressure, she promised there is nothing wrong about the sex, after that we slept.
she also complain about me havent introduced her to my friends or brought her to my place.
Ok I have to admit I do have a shame about my home apearance and this is why I didnt bring her to my place.
I think all of her complain is to distract me from the center and this is her problem. I wanted to introduce her to my friends we planed and a day before she said her work schedule has been changed and she cant come. She suggested a day after' I Coudnt because I had two day after an exam.
then she said she have exam a week after, and later that week she had "work"
issues. scheduled for another day that I was free at evening. she said her family from abroad came to country I said you want to cancel she said no we will meet after in the evening,needless to say ,she said it was too late and she coudnt do anything WTF we didnt meet for two weeks now. now she wants to get together in two days.
what the hell is her problem

[iwonderaboutstuff]

It sounds like you both have busy schedules and it's hard finding free time at the same time. How are things between you when you're not together in person (e.g. online, text, calls)?

[ChipperMonkey]

Sounds like she's just not that into you.

[Feel_Bull]

she never calls me. she only text me once every couple of days, always distant. this is the thing I do feel shes very intrested and her eyes practicly glow when we meet.
when we are together its like nothing happend and everything is fine though its not.
at our last confrontation she implied that i am clingy,I got defensive and ask for an example she gave me an example that a few months back I huged her at the middle of the night, pretty lame example. she said maybe i am expecting too much from her and i should think if this relationship is really what i want. I feel like she constantly testing me
for my reactions plus the key thing and her space issues she have made me think maybe
shes just a space freak. And I think all her past ex/b were clingy.

[Feel_Bull]

we are only text, she never calls when i call shes not answering or i feel shes uncomfrtable
then ive stopped. She text once every couple of days, acts very distant, even when we text its very short texts.
Thats the thing I do feel shes very inrested when we meet up her eyes practicly glowing
and she does show sighns of affection.
I feel like shes always testing me, in our last confrontation she implied i am clingy and gave me lame example of me hugging her at the middle of the night a few months back.
she then said that i need to reconsider if this relationship is what i want.
We agreed that we will do our best each one. But i dont feel shes even trying.
looks like shes acting the same to me .and i do want her to meet my friends, Its like i took our conversation seriously and shes ignoring like nothing happend.
Make no mistake every excuse she have is properly thought of, If i am confronting her about it , I am a ****** boyfriend plus clingy who asks attention, Its very unattractive.

[Feel_Bull]

sorry for the double texting.
I just felt very frustrated and lonely, that i had to share all the info.

[hvert]

I can see why you feel frustrated - it sounds like a really annoying situation. You both have really hectic schedules. Based on my own personal dating experience, I no longer chase people. If they aren't willing to meet me half way, if they don't want to see me as much as I want to see them, then we are probably not a good match.

If you want to give it another try, I would invite her to your place as she asked- maybe that is what you could do two days from now?

[unaluna]

I would find someone easier to deal with. She will always be too busy, too bossy. It does not sound like happy life for you and future children.

[CopperStar]

Sounds like it may be best if you moved on, since you have tried to talk it out with her multiple times, but nothing is changing and you are still unhappy.

Some people will keep someone on the back burner, so to speak. They will only come around when they need a "pick me up" or some attention. People like this will just randomly pop into your life whenever they need the extra attention, and once they are satisfied, they disappear for a while again. Sounds like that may be what is happening here.

[Feel_Bull]

Today we gonna meet.
I talked to her only once with emphasize about the sex part,
She said it was very stressful time in her life and I should be understanding,
she also said at the same time she cant promise anything about the future.
I prefer to wait about bringing her to my place cause I am going to renovate the place.
she is not bossy just afraid of intimacy, I think shes the lonely avoidant type, maybe shes afraid to get hurt, I get the sense on each time we meet that she opens up more.
what bothers me three things:
1.the frequency of our dates.
2.I got us one time a special beverage to experiment we have fun, After a month I noticed it was less then we drank then I asked her, She said maybe she drank she dont remember. It doesnt have such a good taste. you drink it only to get high.
3.she smoke some weed once in a while.
all the above make me suspect maybe something is going on.
I really care for her but I am afraid to get hurt too, Right now this type of relationship
is fine for my kind of lifstyle but I dont know her intentions.
I think cheating is not an option because before the first time we slept together she was very nervous,and it wasnt so fast. maybe I have a bit of a trust issue cause ive been cheated before, but clearly we have some communication problem between us.
I would update after.

Originally Posted by Feel_Bull

what the hell is her problem

She may have a "problem", but isn't it clear at this stage that things are not going to work out the way you want?

Also...

Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey

Sounds like she's just not that into you.

Originally Posted by CopperStar

Some people will keep someone on the back burner, so to speak. They will only come around when they need a "pick me up" or some attention. People like this will just randomly pop into your life whenever they need the extra attention, and once they are satisfied, they disappear for a while again. Sounds like that may be what is happening here.

I think it's important to recognize those signs and just move on.

[divine1966]

Things just aren't working out. Just not a good match. I would move on.

I do have to say that I don't understand why you keep insisting on having sex if there truly no relationship here. You two aren't close and there isn't much going on between you two. Yet you keep asking for sex. She is wise not to go for it.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[iwonderaboutstuff]

Have you two already agreed to a monogamous relationship?

Let us know how it goes!

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Well she's a nurse and going to school. That alone tells me that there's not enough time to nurture a relationship. And life is short. If you need more from a partner emotionally, sexually whatever, you should probably find someone else. Trust me, The life of a nurse never settles down.

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