[The Blue Butterfly]

I am not sure what to do in my current situation. First off I am 28, I'm married and I have a soon to be 4 yr old son. I have been with my h uh sband going on 6 years in April. The thing is I'm not really happy in our marriage. I love my husband. I have known him since I was 8. I lost my virginity to him when I was 13 and we got together in 2010. He's a hard worker, a good father and has been through so much with me. I just feel that I'm not in love anymore. sex is not thrilling, no exciting, it feels like a chore. He keep nd of controls me in a lot of ways and I just want to break free and be independent for once in my life. I am petrified that he will take my son because of my mental illness. I feel so confused. I work second shift and actually there us someone there at work with very mutual interest. Nothing has happened with this individual but talking. He is also in a long term rocky relationship and I don't know what I should do.

[Bill3]

What would you think of marriage counseling?

[The Blue Butterfly]

No he wouldn't go for it. He doesn't get why I need to see my therapist and shakes his head when I go.

[iwonderaboutstuff]

Marriage goes from passion to compassion.

Marriage goes from in love to love.

Sounds like you're experiencing the proverbial "7 year itch" to me.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

I'm not married but I've gotten that vibe in some relationships. Usually I'm too scared to break it off so I push them away.

The sex, have you tried different things? Spice it up a bit? Do t want to get toO detailed here but a simple toy can do wonders in the bedroom!

I think everybody deserves to be happy. My bf left his wife after he met me because she was always passed out on drugs around his kids. He deserves to be happy so he left. They were together 8 years. As messy as the situation was, he is happy now.

Have you talked to your husband about how you feel? Maybe it's mutual?

And this other guy at work, if you have feelings for him, I'd say the marriage needs to either end or it needs some help.

As far as him taking away your kid because of your MI, that is scary. I don't have kids yet but that's what I fear. I think "what if it doesn't work out and he takes the kids". I think as long as you're stable and taking your meds and working good with your doctors then nothing should happen. But courts may see it differently.

I wish I had more answers for you. Good luck, whatever you decide!

Dx: BP2, PTSD, bulimia/anorexia
Seroquel 300mgs
Lamictal titrating at 75mgs
Buspar 45mgs
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvance 50mg PRN

[The Blue Butterfly]

I'm great with my son. I'm actually the only one trying to discipline him with time outs or discipline in general. My son is so spoiled because my husband caves and my father in law caves all the time. I gave a decent paying job. I am on my meds and for the most part very stable. I just bought one if those over the door swings and have had it over a week and have yet to try it. Toys I have. Sex is just boring, not exilerating or exciting or thrilling. I don't want to with him because it doesn't excite me with my husband. I have been unhappy with him for some time now but we have been through so much together that I would feel bad breaking his heart.

[Bill3]

Have you spoken to your therapist about your feelings?

[ComfortablyNumb5]

I hate to say it, but you can't let someone else's feelings hinder your decision. Life is too short.

Dx: BP2, PTSD, bulimia/anorexia
Seroquel 300mgs
Lamictal titrating at 75mgs
Buspar 45mgs
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvance 50mg PRN

[The Blue Butterfly]

No I haven't fully opened up about this to my therapist. I feel like in being selfish and should just ignore my doubts and just deal with it. We gave a lot of history, we have been through so much together and I feel like I should put my selfish feelings aside and just ignore my confusion

[iwonderaboutstuff]

Originally Posted by The Blue Butterfly

No I haven't fully opened up about this to my therapist. I feel like in being selfish and should just ignore my doubts and just deal with it. We gave a lot of history, we have been through so much together and I feel like I should put my selfish feelings aside and just ignore my confusion

That'd be a good person to talk to about it - do it!

Consider... if the work guy wasn't around, would you feel this strongly? Was sex with hubby unexciting when you married? Does he support a good relationship between you and your son? Do you trust him with your son? How come you decided to marry him in the first place? Are those reasons still valid? Are there ways to foster the "independence" you crave while remaining married?

I can't tell you how many 1000s of days of my marriage (at times years on end) I started by running thru all the reasons to stay/go and making the conscious decision to stay. Not what I "wanted," but what I choose to do, repeatedly - consciously and deliberately. Talking through the reality of what staying or going means for you with your therapist will help sort things out in your mind and ultimately make you feel better about whatever you decide.

[The Blue Butterfly]

With my husband, when we first got together our sex life was just wow, it was amazing. Not to get graphic but more or less he was the biggest I had ever had in my life but at one point he started to not be able to be completely up to par. Still now he is unable to fully get erect. This is not the only reason why our sex life has been depleted, there is no fire in it, there is no fireworks or just enjoyment in it for me. It feels like another house chore because he no longer makes it romantic or steamy. I don't feel that electricity and just wow factor anymore with him. It feels forced (we both seem to not want it, do it out of habit, to get off) there is just no excitement. My husband is a good father to our son and I do trust him with our son. I married him because I thought things would get better. I thought it was all in my head that I was the one making it complicated and I am sure in many ways I was but I'm sorry but to be in a marriage or any relationship without the show of any affection is torture. I did talk to him about it and it changed for a few months but it's gone right back to the way it was. The guy from work is honestly a good friend, someone I can openly vent to without worrying about him telling others. I do find him appealing, I won't lie but I am in no way a home wrecker and wouldn't do that to my family. It's just nice having a friend that is honest and listens. What I meant as far as being independent is that I have never been on my own, had always been with someone and have never taken time to truly find myself, to grow as a person and not rely on someone all the time.