[eric241]

I was in the closet for the first 21 years of my life and I was relatively happy spending time alone. I enjoyed reading, writing, watching movies, etc and I was never really consciously lonely and never really thought much about dating.

Then, I met someone in college on a hookup app and he pursued a relationship, I surprised myself by being open to it and started having feelings for him and then he suddenly broke it off a couple months later without a real reason. (We never fought or anything). Those were the happiest two months of my life. It was all so quick and so unexpected. A few weeks after we broke up he stopped responding to my texts and would ignore me if I bumped into him on campus. It hurt a lot.

But the thing is, that was almost two years ago. And I haven't met anyone else since despite trying pretty hard to date again. And I've now decided that I need to stop trying to date. I need to work on myself and recover an appreciation for being alone and try to enjoy the things I used to enjoy again. I'm not bitter about the experience, it really opened me up and made me a more empathetic person. But damn. The sadness and loneliness is a lot to handle, especially when everyone else seems to be in a happy relationship. I don't want to numb my feelings, but I need to figure out how to be at peace with being alone again and not let the sadness overtake me. Any tips?

[gayleggg]

Sounds like you have a good outlook on things. I'm sorry that you were hurt. Just start doing the things you used to enjoy and let nature takes it's course. Being alone can be pleasurable.

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by eric241

I was in the closet for the first 21 years of my life and I was relatively happy spending time alone. I enjoyed reading, writing, watching movies, etc and I was never really consciously lonely and never really thought much about dating.

Then, I met someone in college on a hookup app and he pursued a relationship, I surprised myself by being open to it and started having feelings for him and then he suddenly broke it off a couple months later without a real reason. (We never fought or anything). Those were the happiest two months of my life. It was all so quick and so unexpected. A few weeks after we broke up he stopped responding to my texts and would ignore me if I bumped into him on campus. It hurt a lot.

But the thing is, that was almost two years ago. And I haven't met anyone else since despite trying pretty hard to date again. And I've now decided that I need to stop trying to date. I need to work on myself and recover an appreciation for being alone and try to enjoy the things I used to enjoy again. I'm not bitter about the experience, it really opened me up and made me a more empathetic person. But damn. The sadness and loneliness is a lot to handle, especially when everyone else seems to be in a happy relationship. I don't want to numb my feelings, but I need to figure out how to be at peace with being alone again and not let the sadness overtake me. Any tips?

It's tough being alone in a world where it seems like everyone is part of a couple. I had a real problem in my 20s of being a serial monogamist, jumping from one relationship to another. I think that what makes it easier is to make it a choice. Tell yourself just what you said here, you want to work on yourself and enjoy things you used to enjoy. Really focus on yourself, doing things just for you, whatever you like - spa days, spending time outdoors, reading things related to whatever you are working on about yourself. I took a little over a year off from dating and relationships which was really tough for me. I hated it at first. I decided I was tired of wasting time on people who were clearly not right for me and just be ready and mostly baggage-free for when the right person came along.

By the time I met my current boyfriend, I was planning a solo road trip to the Grand Canyon. Travel was always something I put off until I had the right companion for it. I ended up not taking the trip because I got a job right after graduation from grad school so I didn't take the two weeks off like I'd planned, but I'm proud to know that I was going to go so far out of my comfort zone. Now I will do things I never did, like eat alone in a restaurant. At some point I just realized this is the only life I get, and I'm not going to spend it waiting around.

[popuri88]

I agree it can be hard, specially if you feel lonely. The thing is most people don't like to be alone, don't know how to be alone, just like you said. Not wanting to bring that "oh, things this generation do" here, but most of my peers who seem to have this very same kind of anxiety you're talking about are extremely active in social media like facebook, instagram. These people don't know how to be alone, they are constantly seeking validation and affirmation through social media, text 24hs/day, can't stand a weekend at home. A girl I know from college said she was using tinder because she had nothing better to do on a saturday.

What are you studying? I'm in college and, even though I have a relationship, it takes like 2/3 of my time. You should try to keep yourself busy, sign up for a class you've always wanted, specially if you live close to a big center or to your Uni. Free courses maybe, since you're a student, idk. Aren't you also overthinking a lot about that relationship that ended bad? This probably has a lot to do with you not coping with it too, as you said those were your happiest moments.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

I too am a relationship hopper. Throughout my 20s (I'm 28 now) I've been single for maybe 8 months tops. I always NEEDED someone or some kind of distraction. It sounds like your comfortable being alone and that's a good thing. If you feel your starting to get that relationship itch then put yourself out there if you're ready. Maybe some online dating or something. If you're not ready and you're feeling lonely, maybe some therapy will help you cope. Or spend more time with platonic friends.

Dx: BP2, PTSD, bulimia/anorexia
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[cobalttinor]

Personally I have had enough with people trying to tell me I should be happy being alone. I think some people can do it, maybe, but I refuse to try and make myself something I am not. I am not meant to be alone and I am not satisfied with friends and family. But unfortunately I have yet to find someone who can accept me and appreciate me as I do them.

I think it's a valid option for some but not for others. We are not all meant to be the same. Maybe you were happy before because you had never experienced that feeling. Maybe you can go back, maybe you can't.

[continuosly blue]

Originally Posted by cobalttinor

Personally I have had enough with people trying to tell me I should be happy being alone. I think some people can do it, maybe, but I refuse to try and make myself something I am not. I am not meant to be alone and I am not satisfied with friends and family. But unfortunately I have yet to find someone who can accept me and appreciate me as I do them.

I think it's a valid option for some but not for others. We are not all meant to be the same. Maybe you were happy before because you had never experienced that feeling. Maybe you can go back, maybe you can't.

I can understand where your coming from. I am not only not in a relationship but also I've been abandoned by my family. I was/am forced to be alone. I think what people are trying to say is that sometimes you don't have a choice. You don't have to like it. It is an experience being physically alone for the first time in 60 yrs. for me but it also is a learning opportunity.
I'm am somewhat starting to like it. Like anything else it has it's good and bad points.
At this point if I want to be with someone or need someone to be with me I'm going to have to do some leg work. I personally don't think we were meant to be alone , but a lot end up that way. I choose now to look back on all the good I did have and cherish it.
If worse comes to worse I just think of the saying , " you come in alone and you go out alone ".

I've been in 22yrs of marriage and felt more alone than I ever have being on my own.

[divine1966]

I like to be in a relationship but I was alone for many years on and off. Busy raising a kid going to school immigrating then school again etc etc. Plenty of times in my life I had no time to date. I think it's human nature to have a companionship but there is nothing wrong with people being alone and staying busy with other things

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[Long-distancelost]

I was married for 10 years and after divorce I found that I struggled with not only being alone but also lonely. I taught myself to be happy by learning new skills, went back to school and met like minded people. We got a dog and I rediscovered my passion for gardening. Than one day I was having tea outside by my fire pit did I realize how truly happy and content I was with just being myself. Only than did the happiness shined through and I began attracting people to me. It's natural to want to be with someone who is happy from within. So find that happiness, you deserve it.

[ilive4music]

I have actually met some people in this world that told me they are happier being alone. I have a friend who is in her 40's and she told me that she never had the desire to have children, or be with someone. She teaches, and spends her time volunteering.

But I have also met people who are in their late 40's and told me that they regret not finding someone to spend their lives with, because it guess boring being alone.

So I think it depends on the person, what they want, what they need, what makes them happy, ..we are all different...

[ilive4music]

Originally Posted by rcat

I've been in 22yrs of marriage and felt more alone than I ever have being on my own.

I'm sorry but why are you staying in the marriage? Life is too short to be miserable..are you doing anything to feel closer to your partner?

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by cobalttinor

Personally I have had enough with people trying to tell me I should be happy being alone. I think some people can do it, maybe, but I refuse to try and make myself something I am not. I am not meant to be alone and I am not satisfied with friends and family. But unfortunately I have yet to find someone who can accept me and appreciate me as I do them.

I think it's a valid option for some but not for others. We are not all meant to be the same. Maybe you were happy before because you had never experienced that feeling. Maybe you can go back, maybe you can't.

That's your choice, but the problem is that you can't always be with someone. Relationships end, people die. If you can't be happy being alone, you're resigning yourself to being miserable unless something outside of yourself provides you happiness. That's way too much power in the other person's hands for me. I prefer being in a realtionship, but when I couldn't be happy on my own I sometimes picked people just so I wouldn't be alone, instead of waiting for what I actually needed in a person. It has also caused me to stay in bad relationships too long because that was "better than being alone." I've been with my boyfriend for over a year and I know if we were to break up it would be a struggle to get back to enjoying being alone like I did before we met, but I do like knowing with 100% certainly I'm with him because our relationship enriches both of our lives, not because I don't want to be alone.

I am in a relationship but I'm also an introvert and have social anxiety - so I need my alone time. My partner respects this. I think it is very possible to be alone without be lonely. xoxo

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[divine1966]

Originally Posted by ilive4music

I'm sorry but why are you staying in the marriage? Life is too short to be miserable..are you doing anything to feel closer to your partner?

She isn't with him anymore

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