[ComfortablyNumb5]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years and he's never had a problem with my MI. I always felt I could speak my mind with him. I lost my job last March because of a panic attack so bad that I blacked out. The thought of going back to work makes me anxious. My pdoc said he considers me handicap and that I shouldn't be working. Well money is tight but my bf has always been understanding. The other day I brought up work and the option of SSDI. I put my hand to my chest and said "I'm getting anxious thiNking about it". He yelled and said "I'm sick of this anxiety crap! Get over it and move on!". I was totally caught off guard. He never yells. It frightened me. I just stayed quiet and didn't bring it up again. But now I feel like I have no support from anyone now. I feel like I can't talk to him and he seems like he couldn't care less.

Well tonight while at the pet store, I picked up an application. I was really excited because it seems to be a low stress place and I love working with animals. I'm 28 so for some, a pet store may be considered a highschool job. But to me, it's a miracle I even find excitement in working here at all. So when I got home I called my dad. Big mistake. My dad is very money hungry and he bases everyone else by how much money they make. So he shot down the idea immediately and here I am crying. My bf is just sitting next to me ignoring me. So now im pissed and crying.

Does anyone's else's SO's seem to get sick of your MI and the drama that comes with it? I can't help but to blame myself for bringing on drama. Is this my fault? Do I have to live my whole life keeping my illnesses, feelings and my struggles to myself?

Dx: BP2, PTSD, bulimia/anorexia
Seroquel 300mgs
Trileptal 300mgs
Buspar 45mgs
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvance 70mgs PRN

[Aviza]

I can relate to money hungry family. But you need to do what's best for you. Get a pet store job. Get on SSD, get medication, therapy, etc.

I've been told some very hateful things by my family. It hurts badly, but take steps to improve your life. Than make changes you need to make. You'll get calm one day. Just take small steps, leads to bigger steps.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by RxQueen875

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years and he's never had a problem with my MI. I always felt I could speak my mind with him. I lost my job last March because of a panic attack so bad that I blacked out. The thought of going back to work makes me anxious. My pdoc said he considers me handicap and that I shouldn't be working. Well money is tight but my bf has always been understanding. The other day I brought up work and the option of SSDI. I put my hand to my chest and said "I'm getting anxious thiNking about it". He yelled and said "I'm sick of this anxiety crap! Get over it and move on!". I was totally caught off guard. He never yells. It frightened me. I just stayed quiet and didn't bring it up again. But now I feel like I have no support from anyone now. I feel like I can't talk to him and he seems like he couldn't care less.

Well tonight while at the pet store, I picked up an application. I was really excited because it seems to be a low stress place and I love working with animals. I'm 28 so for some, a pet store may be considered a highschool job. But to me, it's a miracle I even find excitement in working here at all. So when I got home I called my dad. Big mistake. My dad is very money hungry and he bases everyone else by how much money they make. So he shot down the idea immediately and here I am crying. My bf is just sitting next to me ignoring me. So now im pissed and crying.

Does anyone's else's SO's seem to get sick of your MI and the drama that comes with it? I can't help but to blame myself for bringing on drama. Is this my fault? Do I have to live my whole life keeping my illnesses, feelings and my struggles to myself?

Dx: BP2, PTSD, bulimia/anorexia
Seroquel 300mgs
Trileptal 300mgs
Buspar 45mgs
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvance 70mgs PRN

Ok - first, yes it is common for significant others, family and friends to be unsupportive and think that it is something you can just "get over". Have you ever had him talk to your counselor so he can understand your illness better? If so, his behavior is completely unacceptable. It may be he is under a lot of stress himself and sometimes that causes us to lash out on the ones we love most-you may want to talk to him to find out if this could be the case (if you decide to do this, tread lightly). The fact that his behavior is causing you more emotional distress could also equate to abuse - depending on his reasons and methods and pattern (I don't know enough to say one way or another on that). You should be proud of yourself for getting out and looking for a job - any job. If the job isn't "good enough" for your dad or your bf - perhaps you should rethink what kind of relationship you truly want with them-as to what boundaries and etc, because it sounds to me like you don't really need that kind of judgementalism that close to you. Right now is the time you need to be able to concentrate on you. Find out what you want. What you can and cannot do and still be healthy. What it is that makes you happy. After you discover those things and make out a plan and start working on that plan-then you can start worrying about others if you like. Word of caution though: never, and I mean NEVER let anyone tell you who you are, what you can or can't do or where you are or aren't going - you are in control of you and your life and your happiness, nobody else. If anyone tries - just let them know you are in control, not them and go on about your way. If your boyfriend and dad truly love you - they will stick by you through all the changes and all the ups and downs, if they falter - like I said before, redefine your relationship with them. I hope what I said makes sense to you and helps *hugs*

[butterfly.princess]

Originally Posted by RxQueen875

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years and he's never had a problem with my MI. I always felt I could speak my mind with him. I lost my job last March because of a panic attack so bad that I blacked out. The thought of going back to work makes me anxious. My pdoc said he considers me handicap and that I shouldn't be working. Well money is tight but my bf has always been understanding. The other day I brought up work and the option of SSDI. I put my hand to my chest and said "I'm getting anxious thiNking about it". He yelled and said "I'm sick of this anxiety crap! Get over it and move on!". I was totally caught off guard. He never yells. It frightened me. I just stayed quiet and didn't bring it up again. But now I feel like I have no support from anyone now. I feel like I can't talk to him and he seems like he couldn't care less.

Well tonight while at the pet store, I picked up an application. I was really excited because it seems to be a low stress place and I love working with animals. I'm 28 so for some, a pet store may be considered a highschool job. But to me, it's a miracle I even find excitement in working here at all. So when I got home I called my dad. Big mistake. My dad is very money hungry and he bases everyone else by how much money they make. So he shot down the idea immediately and here I am crying. My bf is just sitting next to me ignoring me. So now im pissed and crying.

Does anyone's else's SO's seem to get sick of your MI and the drama that comes with it? I can't help but to blame myself for bringing on drama. Is this my fault? Do I have to live my whole life keeping my illnesses, feelings and my struggles to myself?

Dx: BP2, PTSD, bulimia/anorexia
Seroquel 300mgs
Trileptal 300mgs
Buspar 45mgs
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvance 70mgs PRN

Two years ago I was in a very similar place to yours. I had told my boyfriend that my dad did something inappropriate to me. He shut down and walked away while I was crying. I understand needing time to process, but 6 months later he still would ignore me when I tried to express my feelings. I tried and tried to rekindle what we once had. I told him over and over I needed his support and help and all he could tell me was I was over reacting. I started thinking that this is the way it had to be forever. If he couldn't love me, nobody could. Until finally I had completely shut down. I didn't communicate with anybody anymore and all I did was cry everyday.

And then I met somebody online. Somebody who let me talk, who comforted me when I cried. He became my best friend. And I realized that there IS people out there who can accept me for who I am, baggage and MI and all. I left my (now ex) boyfriend. A year later, I have moved across the country to be the most wonderful man.

Just because you have baggage and MI issues, doesn't mean you don't deserve to be loved and supported. Sometimes it is hard. Sometimes people will get frustrated and angry and upset, but as long as they are willing to still hold you when you cry, listen to you when you need to talk, and just lay there in silence when you need them to, then it will be ok. If your boyfriend isn't doing those things anymore, make you sure you tell him. Tell him over and over until he gets it, or until you get the courage to find somebody who will listen.

You are worth it. We all are.

Good luck! And if you ever need to talk, you can pm me anytime.

[divine1966]

Focus on yourself and do what's right for you. Don't worry about your dad. Mine criticizes everything I do and I am almost 50.

I myself don't have MI but my BF does. And at times I get irritated with him and forget that his behavior sometimes is caused by mi and not intentional ( forgetfulness and lack of focus etc ). I always feel bad when I get irritated

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by RxQueen875

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years and he's never had a problem with my MI. I always felt I could speak my mind with him. I lost my job last March because of a panic attack so bad that I blacked out. The thought of going back to work makes me anxious. My pdoc said he considers me handicap and that I shouldn't be working. Well money is tight but my bf has always been understanding. The other day I brought up work and the option of SSDI. I put my hand to my chest and said "I'm getting anxious thiNking about it". He yelled and said "I'm sick of this anxiety crap! Get over it and move on!". I was totally caught off guard. He never yells. It frightened me. I just stayed quiet and didn't bring it up again. But now I feel like I have no support from anyone now. I feel like I can't talk to him and he seems like he couldn't care less.

Well tonight while at the pet store, I picked up an application. I was really excited because it seems to be a low stress place and I love working with animals. I'm 28 so for some, a pet store may be considered a highschool job. But to me, it's a miracle I even find excitement in working here at all. So when I got home I called my dad. Big mistake. My dad is very money hungry and he bases everyone else by how much money they make. So he shot down the idea immediately and here I am crying. My bf is just sitting next to me ignoring me. So now im pissed and crying.

Does anyone's else's SO's seem to get sick of your MI and the drama that comes with it? I can't help but to blame myself for bringing on drama. Is this my fault? Do I have to live my whole life keeping my illnesses, feelings and my struggles to myself?

Dx: BP2, PTSD, bulimia/anorexia
Seroquel 300mgs
Trileptal 300mgs
Buspar 45mgs
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvance 70mgs PRN

No you SHOULDN'T have to stay bottled up! My "so called" boyfriend is a lot like that. Only he runs at the first sign of trouble. Right now for instance, I've been sick as a dog all day and wound up with the mother of all migraines and he's been out at deer camp since early this morning and I guess he's staying all night. Not once has he bothered to call or text to check on me!
It's just HORRIBLE that our problems are such a bothersome burden to others, isn't it?! It would be nice if people would take the time to consider how bad it is on US and show some compassion and understanding!
No, it's not your fault. NO ONE CHOOSES to have this kind of life!

[ChipperMonkey]

Eh, screw 'em.

Well, seriously I say have a talk with your boyfriend after you've both calmed down. Maybe he's stressed about money since you're not working? Maybe he just snapped and didn't mean what he said, maybe it was said out of frustration. I'm NOT defending his actions. Rather, I want to give another perspective that things may not be so dire (i.e. He doesn't support you at all).

As for your dad.....ugh. What does he want you to do? Just go out and become a CEO right off the bat? EVERYONE starts somewhere. And it sounds like right now you should be starting off at a low stress job like working in a pet store.

I think it's hard enough for us to accept our own limitations but it can be even harder for others to do so.

[Trippin2.0]

Word of caution, while it definitely is ok to share your struggles with your loved one, be careful that this person is not doubling up as your round the clock T.


Its important for our relationships to retain balance and not be all encompassed in our MI, as our partners can buckle under the weight if there's no positives to help balance it out.


I doubt your bf is sick of you, he may just be taking strain, as he's been taking care of both of you for quite some time. Maybe he was hoping you're getting better, then you burst his bubble with your anxiety and he lashed out.


Not that I'm making excuses for him, but its a possibility. Best thing would be to talk it out and hear what he says.


My bf?

Nobody told me not to put all my rotten eggs in one basket and mold my bf into a 24/7 T.


Guess what, I drowned him in my mental bullshyt because he's not trained to be a T and we broke up.


We got back together eventually though, and now I'm careful to not over share, or only share with him. I have a T, friends, family, as well as him. Lots of baskets.


And I know not everyone has many baskets, so in that case I would choose what I share wisely.

Because if you share every little detail, they may not be as emotionally available when shyt hits the fan.


Anyway, I hope I've made sense.

[jacky8807]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Word of caution, while it definitely is ok to share your struggles with your loved one, be careful that this person is not doubling up as your round the clock T.


Its important for our relationships to retain balance and not be all encompassed in our MI, as our partners can buckle under the weight if there's no positives to help balance it out.


I doubt your bf is sick of you, he may just be taking strain, as he's been taking care of both of you for quite some time. Maybe he was hoping you're getting better, then you burst his bubble with your anxiety and he lashed out.


Not that I'm making excuses for him, but its a possibility. Best thing would be to talk it out and hear what he says.


My bf?

Nobody told me not to put all my rotten eggs in one basket and mold my bf into a 24/7 T.


Guess what, I drowned him in my mental bullshyt because he's not trained to be a T and we broke up.


We got back together eventually though, and now I'm careful to not over share, or only share with him. I have a T, friends, family, as well as him. Lots of baskets.


And I know not everyone has many baskets, so in that case I would choose what I share wisely.

Because if you share every little detail, they may not be as emotionally available when shyt hits the fan.


Anyway, I hope I've made sense.

This pretty much sums up what I was going to say. We forget they are only people too doing the best they can. They burn out like anyone else

[eskielover]

From the list in your signature anxiety looks like the tip of the ice burg & with all the meds your list has I'm surprised you can function. I was on servo quell after going through a trauma & there was no way I could function. Your pdoc already told you he thought you are disabled/handicapped. Yet you haven't bothered to take the initiative to go apply for disability....what are you waiting for? Are you expecting to magically get better yourself.

You said your finances are really tight & you are putting all that pressure on your bf to totally support you. You aren't even married & you are putting that expectation on him...of course as time goes on & you do nothing about getting on disability to help with the finances it's no wonder his temper is getting a bit short. You are the one that needs to decide to go for the disability & get it applied for. He doesn't need to be the one telling you to do it.

I had an computer engineering career & ended up with a breakdown. After I got off medical leave of absence you betcha I went on disability. I knew at that point I wasn't going to be able to work at that level of stress in the future & my pdoc at that time suggested it also. Even being married it was my responsibility to the relationship to make sure I didn't destroy us totally with my not being able to work.

You can bet your bf is feeling the financial pressure & people can only feel pressure for so long without blowing up. He's probably been holding it in. You talk about your not having support or feeling like you have anyone to talk to....what about your bf? He has that same need especially when he's feeling pressure & it seems like he's been holding it in maybe so not to make your anxiety worse....but there comes a time with everyone when they can no longer hole in the frustration & with a trigger it all comes out.

My suggestion....go get the disability paperwork going & do your responsible part for the relationship no matter what anxiety level it causes. You do know that anxiety is good also. It's our minds way of telling us that there is a problem that needs to be dealt with & until we deal with it the anxiety WON'T go away no matter how many meds we take & sometimes the amount of meds we are on can make us so non-functional that we have a hard time doing those things which only feeds the anxiety more.

[Confusedinomicon]

I agree with Trippin. Same thing (minus the break up) happened with me because so is human and gets overwhelmed too.

[popuri88]

Agreeing with who said you should make a move and get some papers on your condition. Maybe an early retirement? Then you can work out your way with less stress, doing something you don't rely on for a living but allows you to earn something.

This thought causes me a lot of anxiety, but truth is our SOs aren't supposed to take everything we might possibly come with and we know how easy is to slip in a never-ending circle of complaint vs. complaint. Your SO knows your condition, but he also expects you to thrive here and there like any other partner, not only for the bills and for the money, but because he knows it'll give you fullfilment, joy, sensation of accomplishing something, idk.

If he is not being unsupportive, unfair or negligent with your mental illness, then it's up to you to break the circle. Do what it takes to make this situation better without exposing yourself to a great amount of anxiety, don't lean on him that much to the point of not making your own decisions, it's indeed too much pressure.

[divine1966]

I agree with others about him being overwhelmed. It's not an excuse to yell at all but he must be tired. Not only he is the only one working but you also want him to clean the house and do repairs while you are home all day. I think if you truly cannot neither work nor perform basic tasks like cleaning you must face it but applying for disability. I am also slightly surprised with amount of medication. You are still young. It must be tough.

Honestly I don't want to sound selfish but I wouldn't be able to take on a person who would not work and wouldn't do household tasks and wouldn't be on disability. No way. Wouldn't handle it well.

Something got to change. What do your t and doc say?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Teallembis]

I have my own set of MI that I deal with(making my situation unique and I suppose only a little bit of a relation to your own situation..), and on top of that my gf has gone AWOL in her anxiety. It exploded out of no where about a month back and now every day, every night, the slightest thing sends her off into a full blown attack. It's really horrible to watch and be around. I understand it isn't her fault, but it's also really really difficult for the people on the outside to deal with. Especially if we don't exactly understand what's going on, or why.
For me when I don't have a good enough explanation I can accept, I get angry. I try not to, and it sometimes comes across in my behavior towards her. But when it's night after night, where we're getting less than 2 hours of sleep and she's crying loudly enough for the neighbors to hear, it gets old really fast. Especially when it's without an explanation and she refuses to find help for herself.
For me personally, living with someone who has high anxiety is a huge toll. I have no intention of leaving her or allowing her to be alone during these low times. Just because your bf might have imploded and taken his bottled frustration out on you doesn't exactly make him a lousy person, or mean he loves you any less. It just might be really overwhelming for him, as it is for me. It's not an easy thing for anybody involved to go through. Does he get to open up or talk about his feelings about any of this with you at all? As much as you want him to see how things are in your shoes, you'll need to be in his as well to make it work. Understand that this is probably stressful for him, and he needs to keep his own mental and emotional health in check too. He might need to talk to someone as well.
Focus on taking care of yourself, get the help you need, get the job you want, find happiness, and things will settle into place. I don't think your bf intentionally lashed out at you, and this is something you'll both need to sit down and talk about rationally without it blowing up in either of your faces, at some point. Take your time with it. There's no rush to fix or work on everything all at once. I think the best thing you can do is face any fears you're experiencing. Working through them and beating them will ultimately help your anxiety lesson. You just have to give yourself that extra push. It's hard, but not impossible!
My gf will get there one day, and you will too. Baby steps before leaps.