friends that hurt you...

I am absolutely determined to beat my ED... so what does that have to with friends... I have a friend "that sucks the very life out of me". By this, I mean that I cannot do anything "right" in her eyes. This makes me so tired feeling and exhausted. She "pounces" on my every word. I could say the sky is a really beautiful blue today and she corrects me by saying "no... it is aqua blue, not blue". I say nothing.

This is just a trival example.. sometimes I wonder what normal conversation would feel like...

I have decided to limit conversations with her or I will have ED forever.. I am not in any way shape or form blaming my ED on anyone. But there is alot to be said for surrounding yourself with postive support.

Relationships are difficult... sometimes you just feel like surrounding yourself with cotton ball cushioning and "saying stay ten feet away".

The purpose of this post... I'm not sure... perhaps just to know that I can and will overcome this ED even if it means letting go of the past... that spills onto my present in the form of longterm friendship.

None of this is easy, it's very scary to do new things, to think new thoughts...

Relationships are hard . . .

Hugs and hugs.

Some friendships can be very hard.
But true friends stick with you through the bad times......

xo

I agree with surrounding yourself with positive friends. I have found myself falling into the trap of negative when I am around people who are negative. Sometimes it has caught me off guard and later after I am alone I realize the negative vibes that was created.
Snow

I agree that you need to surround yourself with positive friends...if you don't want to give up on the one you refer to...there are a few things you could try before you cut all ties.

Write down some boundaries that you would like to have with this person...whatever they may be and as they come up...assert yourself...

Example: You know I really enjoy being with you...it feels like though if I say the sky is blue you try correct me and it makes me feel pounced on. Please stop, so we can continue to enjoy each others company. When it happens again (and as I said before in other posts - it will), simply say you know we kind of already talked about this before...I'm sorry, but I'm going to need to end this call (head back home, ask you to leave, etc)

If you don't feel like spending the energy on this person don't...maybe it will come in handy with someone else...

Direction took the words right out of my mouth


Freewill you have to do what is conducive to you .. If this means setting boundaries that establish who you are then if this friend is offended by them then I'm sorry maybe she was as good as a friend as you thought ....

Long time friendships are hard to come by for the simple fact we change as we grow older some get bitter and cannot see past thier noses some of us are filled with love and can accept each other for whom they are... Sounds Like friend has a negativity issue and possibly cos u see life thru a different colored lens she is envious



Tymber

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Fuzzybear said:
Some friendships can be very hard.
But true friends stick with you through the bad times......

xo

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Such a good post fuzzy!

in the real world, i have no friends......... i used to, but they all turned there back on me when i became ill.
they used to come over mine all the time , to download music and chat,. but when i needed my friends............ they were gone.
i dont care,...... they are the ones missing out..... they are the ones who with the real problems.............. thats what i keep telling myself, and it kind of helps....
my only friends now are cyber friends here

Oh thanks Muffy..... today I feel as if everything I say is just crap so that means a lot!

i refuse to believe that you speak any form of crap, dear fuzzy

((((((((((((((((((freewill))))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((((dec)))))))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((((((fuzzy)))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((snowy)))))))))))))

((((((((((((((((((direction))))))))))

(((((((((((((((((((tymber)))))))))))))))

Thank you everyone... I'm sorry I did not say it sooner.

I am sick right now.. self induced.. trying to get a handle on my ED..

my friend is a huge trigger for my ED so for the time being, I will have to tune her out and just concentrate...

Good plan...

Hi Free Will,

Sometimes we just suddenly realize someone we thought was our friend -- really wasn't such a good friend at all.

It sounds like you have made a wise decision in regard to limiting contact with this particular person. Sounds like she is a very critical person. You need to surround yourself with supportive and caring people, who speak gentle words.

((((((((((Freewill))))))))))

EJ

I have someone like this. It is my sister. She just visited and it didn't go very well. My therapist and I are working on the issues around dealing with someone like this.

I hope you're feeling better, freewill.

ECHOES

good boundaries make good friends. hang in there, love, pat

(((((Freewill)))))

I have a sister-in-law that is just the same way. It's maddening and I, unfortunately, needed to surround myself with lots of giant cotton balls because after trying and trying, I could never find companionship. It seemed she thrives upon being right all the time, having the "best" of any situation, or the "worse". She twisted words around to suit her needs. I don't think she even realizes she does it. And bringing it to her attention - you guessed it, she turned it back around on me. Just a dysfunctional person and dysfunctional relationship.

This was my experience and it may not turn out the same way for you. Just know that you are not alone and you need to decide what is right for you. Whatever that is, it is okay because relationships are about comfortable companionship.

Freewill -

What I have found throughout my life is that I make friends with people based on where I'm at in my own mental health growth. So, when I was going through hospitalizations and such I surrounded myself with other people who were pretty sick like me. That wasn't such a good thing!

If I'm feeling that I'm not worthwhile, I make friends with people that I can cater to and end up feeling used.

It's such a viscious circle! For this reason I don't have many "close friends". In thinking about dating recently, I heard that if you want a relationship, be the person you want to date. So I think this is good for friendships to - be the person you want to be friends with. And if you aren't that person quite yet - look for those people who are going to help you get there.

I think you are very wise to understand that this person is not helping you and you need to break away!

Tranquility

Great post, Tranquility. You pretty much summed up my experience, too. Well said.

Thanks! ((((Cheri)))))

What gets me is when a friend will launch a harrassment campaign against you if ya have to dis them. Some folks are just too mean to be around. It's not worth the agony it can cause. My best friends are my pets. Plain and simple. I can count on THEM!