What should I make of this?

I'm once again trying dating. I've met someone a few weeks ago. I't's not that he isn't attractive, but I'm not thinking any wow or anything there. I saw him twice this past weekend, he drives one hour to get here and then another to go home. So Sunday, he's thinking of coming by but he say's its his day to clean. Honestly that was fine with me, and I just said "and it's a lot of driving"..

What is making me feel weird is he is already saying he really really likes me. Then, when he left Sat., he said he'll call me this week. He works long hours during the week. Then he calls this morning and said "I want to come see you", in an impatient way. I want to spend time with you. I had a reason to say no, I had something to do. Then, he sends an email, maybe tomorrow I can see you, I don't mind driving and spending an hour with you before work. I already told him I want to take it slow and he said he understands that. I think meeting once a week would be plenty. He also asked if he should take his profile down on the net. I don't know, it's like he's getting attached and he hasn't got much to base this on.

I've been on the other side of this. I've fallen really easily for people all my life. I think I've finally become whole in myself, and now I feel uneasy having someone attach themselves and push a relationship at me.

I really don't have enough girlfriends to talk about things with, so I guess I needed a place to type out my thoughts. I think I know the answer to what I should do. Just keep reminding him that I want to take this slowly. I've really almost never been in a position where I rejected anyone. He seems to be a very tender heart, and I guess I just don't want to keep going at a fast pace and then end up hurting him if I don't really have feelings for him. He is a recent widow, so I'm really wondering whether I should even take him up on these offers for meeting during the week. How does he expect me to know what I want when we don't know much about each other. Actually I do know a fair bit, we did talk a lot.

I also don't understand why I'm still hung up on someone I met a year ago. He has shown in so many ways that he's a conceited jerk who doesn't really give a crap for anyone but himself.

I never did have good boyfriends or husband. I must be attracted to the wrong men for a reason. Why do people attract abusers and jerks? (I have no feeling that this guy is one at all, in fact, he seems ideal). If someone can answer that, it would help. Thanks.

Oh, and the one thing that made me feel really uneasy and weird is, it's the 4th visit, and he says he has written a song about how he met me.

IMO just because he wants to spend time with you does not mean he wants to move too fast. If he is a recent widower he is probably mostly lonely and just wants someone to do things with. (I could be wrong and if I am do not hesitate to let him know how you feel.)
And don't hesitate to tell him if you don't want him visiting before work. Maybe you could give him a better time?

Does he really seem ideal? It sounds like he's making you uncomfortable, not picking up on your signals and being rather clingy/pushy.

Yes, thank you. That get's to the heart of my long post. I was feeling uncomfortable. I'm afraid of getting into a relationship because my last tries at it left me feeling a bit stupid, and hurt. I'm a genuine honest and caring person. I try my best at being open. But if someone is pushy or needy it makes me uncomfortable. A bit wary even, that that person isn't looking for who I'm about, but rather what I look like and how far I'm willing to go for them. I told him I'm busy and I am.. he just suggested things we can do because I said I'd like to do something together like bowling. He made me uncomfortable when I saw him last because he asked for a kiss. I think this shouldn't be requested, just a natural thing once you acutally feel a bond of some kind. A few coffee dates isn't enough for that. Sometimes I'm ready to give up on the idea of finding friendship and real love with a man.

It's tough out there, I really did not expect to find someone like my current boyfriend. You have to trust your gut though. There are actual red flags here, and often we discount them because we feel like we are being too hard on someone and not giving them a chance but these are instincts meant to protect us. It may just be that he likes a faster pace but that still makes you two incompatible.

It's the nature of the chase. Women want to be chased to some degree but once she gives in, the game is over. And since he's so clingy, it was over fast. If it's getting to the point where it's making you like him less then just let him down softly and move on. Or try and explain your guidelines to taking it slow. As far as the other jerk you can't get your mind off of. We want what we can't have. Especially when you put in the bad boy aspect. I too am always attracted to jerks because I think I can change them. Never happens. Just forget about that guy however you need too. Maybe therapy can help.

Dx: BP2, PTSD, bulimia/anorexia
Risperdal 4mg
Trileptal 300mgs
Buspar 45mgs
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvance 70mgs PRN

yes therapy would be helpful for you. you could voice your concerns and come to some conclusions.