Boyfriend about to be full-time parent of 2

Thank you, Random! Your post was really really helpful. I didn't think about how those similarities could also be a positive. I'm really going to work on this, and talk to my T about how I can try to go about it.

Oh absolutely dbtdiva. I never meant it's instant. I wouldn't even WANT it to go anything g other than gradual and slow
My comment was because one post seemed to argue that you could pretty much always remain distant from them as they were not yours and you could still have a good relationship with you boyfriend. I don't think that's true. When that happens over a long period of time there is a well of resentment from all sides
You sound like you got this!
Don't worry

Yeah, I did think I could be a "cool Aunt" more than a parental type figure, but I think that was naive. It will definitely be his job to correct the kids if they screw up something big, but like he said, "If you never tell them 'no' or discipline them, that won't work. Are you never going to spend time alone with them without me?" One of my big problems was I felt that I couldn't say "no" or say "stop doing that" etc without him jumping all over me but we did have a long talk. I'm trying hard not to expect everyone to adjust really quickly but then want my own time for that - it's going to take everyone time. Talking to him helped me a lot, I never knew he thought of me and his kids as "a family." Because he had never said that, I had no idea. It changed something inside of me to know he thinks of us all like that. He was good about keeping us all separate in the beginning, which I think was appropriate, but I like that he doesn't see me as separate in his life from the kids anymore.

I hope I'm as confident as I seem to sound! Lol. Luckily I'm seeing my T more often so she's helping a lot.

Thanks for sharing. We are still together after the whole year being on and off. However, these days I'm very cold with him. It feels I can't switch my feelings anymore. The last weekend he kept complaining that I'm disconnected from him and he wanted explanations from me. I just didn't want to ruin my long weekend and I kept denying till today early in the morning when he asked again. Then I told him. I told him all of my concerns as points and one of them was the incident with my broken foot and how he behaved. I told him in a very calm manner. For the first time, he listened. He texted me later on thanking me for telling him my concerns. However, I know he will never change. I know for sure. I'm planning to exit the relationship and it's been very hard for me. We've been together for three years. We have so much attachments.
I find it hard to be in a relationship and harder to be in a relationship with somebody with kids. I have to work around his schedule all the time and it's not fun. We can't even choose our home location together, we got to be close to the kids' school and their mother. It's so many restrictions and at top of that he doesn't appreciate or he doesn't understand that I'm giving up my own needs in terms of fulfilling his and his kids' needs.

FWIW, I told my boyfriend about your experience with the broken foot, and how that kind of thing is something I fear, and he said "that guy is a douche!" If you know he won't change, you should move on. You deserve better! There has to be compromise in all relationships, even those where someone has kids. It sounds like he's using them as an excuse to have everything be his way.

Today I woke up with sore throat and not feeling well. I texted him that I don't feel all right. He texted me that he wants to get a day off and come and take care of me. He said he wants to make up for the time that my foot was broken. I told him "no thanks, I don't want you to get sick." I didn't say anything further like "DA! this is not the same as the time that I was totally disabled and I couldn't even walk!"
His mother is extremely abusive woman. I told him this is what your mother does and that's the behavior you learned.
I think these days my eyes are opening up and my feelings towards him is demolishing. He feels it and he's getting desperate, but it is too late.

You need to be able to depend on him in a time of crisis! There's just no making uup for doing something fun/optional when you needed help.

A friend of mine (she's around 30) is married to a man (he's around 40). He has a daughter from his first marriage, she is 12 and she is staying with them every other week. They have two little kids of their own now. Their family seems to be functional.

Just saying...

He broke up with me!
Last week, I found out I'm pregnant. We got so happy. It was my happiest time of my entire life. He got really nice and sweat again.
But I was not fortunate, I lost the pregnancy on Monday! I start bleeding and we went to hospital.....it was done!
I cried so hard. He cried. He told me we will get pregnant again. I said nothing because I knew we won't. I just cried and cried.
Then extreme depression took over me. Doctor told me its natural because of sudden hormonal changes!
By Tuesday night he was the same mean person. He picked up the fight. I tried to stay away but he finds his way to fight and argue and make the night ugly!
Tonight, we were suppose to go out and he made me wait till 9pm he called me and broke up with me!
I can't believe I let this happen to me again!
But I'm so tired and it's good he's gone. He was very unkind.

It's good thing. I know it hurts but you can get on with your life now. Sending hugs

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@marjan, I'm so sorry about your situation...
I have read almost every comment in this thread and I really thank you all for all the kind words and wisdom you have shared. I am in the same situation, too. I am with a man who has two girls, one 7 and one 10, from his previous marriage. The girls have always been nice to me, the younger one still tries to compete with me for their dads attention, but the older one understands better. We have been together for almost a year and a half, and we have been living together for half a year so far. Things are not looking pretty since we started living together though. He always thinks I see him all the time so I feel like he's taking me for granted. He started wanting to see his kids more and more and I only asked him to arrange it in advance and let me know. We had a massive fight in early December and I started staying at my parents every now and then to get away from him and his kids (whenever I don't feel like seeing them). I have no issue with him wanting to see his kids, but I have an issue with him not sticking to the plans. I am not sure why, but I am the kind of person who likes routine and stability and I'd like to know what is going on ahead of time. His ex-wife has also played a big part in our falling apart, she uses the kids as a weapon, like, if you don't do as I say, you won't get to see the kids. She doesn't like me being there and she changes the plans a few times and messed everything up, which greatly upset me.

As of a few days ago, we are now taking a break and I have moved most of my stuff out of his house. He said that he still loves me, we both cried. But he said that he doesn't want to always fight with me about the kids. He always accused me that I am not happy when he sees his kids, but I am only unhappy when he changes our plans without discussing it with me first! I want to be the first one to know everything, and first one he tells everything to.

We are now having some time off to reassess the whole relationship. I hate that love is sometimes just not enough. And that there are so many other factors that play parts in our relationships. Besides the kids issues, we get along so very well and we both love each other very deeply. I am utterly torn between wanting to stay and walking away.