[annabellacat]

I got into a fight with the guy i've been talking to who likes me because he wanted to come over and I wasn't ready. He was mad at me and things were said. I got mad at him being mad and told him he can't handle someone like me and he said he can and will handle me. He also said, because he was upset I was in his eyes "bailing" on him,for me to just go to bed? He said it twice,too. He said "Go to bed." It's like he is implying that I have nothing better to do and that I just sleep. I have been sleeping more because after a lot of panic attacks in fall and getting physically sick and still in December,too I needed extra sleep to heal and recuperate from all the stress. I'm just a little hurt he seems to be implying I have no life but it's because I've been having a hard time and he knows this. This sucks. What else could it mean if during a fight a guy tells you twice to go to bed and it's only 8pm on a saturday?

[ChipperMonkey]

Maybe it means that he's an immature jerk?

Any guy who puts you down for taking care of yourself isn't worth having around. People without anxiety don't understand just how exhausting anxiety can be.

[gayleggg]

I agree with ChipperMonkey. Only a jerk would say such things or get angry over such a small thing.

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[Bill3]

What do you like about him?

[divine1966]

He doesn't sound like a good friend to me

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[annabellacat]

Originally Posted by Bill3

What do you like about him?

I don't have a lot of people right now to be there for me and i'm going through a hard time. He says nice things and seems to kind of be there. He would also be good for my career. He seems nice. Though,he does seem to have some anger issues possibly.

[annabellacat]

He went psycho on me again tonight. i'm having a hard time with things going on in my life but got to do a job today which was good. After last night's argument,i texted him because drama in life had me feeling low so asked him if he was still mad and was going to invite him over tonight but then thought i couldn't because it wouldn't be a good night,and also got nervous because he seems to want sex and i'd rather see him in person again to read him a little better before i invite him over ever. He agreed but then went psycho saying i suggested the day and repeating and back and forth sending me the texts i sent saying he wanted tonight and only agreed to tomorrow and it's not what he preferred and claiming i was saying he suggested it. It was disturbing. I told him i need a break. I'm so confused.

[ChipperMonkey]

Your reply is confusing. He agreed to what? It's hard to follow your story.

[annabellacat]

Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey

Your reply is confusing. He agreed to what? It's hard to follow your story.

Ah,well his whole thing he did tonight was confusing. I felt low and asked him to come by tonight but then it didn't seem it'd work out for me to have someone over so when he texted I wasn't sure and he asked if i wanted him to come by but then he seemed to want sexual things and gave me a vibe and I thought it'd be smarter to go out for something like coffee or drinks on a different night instead of having him in my apartment so i suggested it because i'd like to read him a little better before having him in my place. He said we could do that,and i was surprised he agreed to it easily then shortly after he went psycho saying it wasn't his idea for the next night and that i keep making it sound like it was mine and that he just agreed to it but he wanted tonight and he kept forwarding texts i sent and just not making sense so i got really creeped out and told him i need a break. He was basically mad claiming I was making monday night sound like his idea instead of mine which i wasn't..i knew it was my idea. It was disturbing. He kept repeating himself and forwarding the SAME two texts I sent about Monday claiming I was saying monday was his suggestion when it wasn't then at the end saying he was willing to move past this and for me to stop bringing up monday. I was so lost. At first i thought he was confused and it was cute and that we were having a misunderstanding so kinda was lol-ing at it, but then he got really weird about it,just repeating himself so much and seeming really angry.This literally went on for like 40 minutes in text....

[2B/-2B]

Man wants girl for sex, not for girl.
No sex, no longer nice, because all his deceptive charm to get you to bed isn't working as well as he planned.

Sounds familiar?

• If so, what would you tell your best friend to do in this situation? (you don't have to tell me, but think about it).
• If not, sorry to add further confusion to your drama.

[JustJenny]

Completely agree with the above. How long have you known each other? If I were you I would stop texting/calling him. And don't invite him anywhere yourself.

1. You deserve a big apology from that guy
2. You deserve a better guy

It is normal that men want sex. When I and my now husband started dating, he would give me some hints. I would say "I am not ready for that" and he was accepting that every time. We had lots of fun together without anything sexual and that's what made me realize that the relationship was real and stable.

My advice - don't give in. He sounds like a person you cannot have a happy relationship with. There is a great chance you will feel "used" if you do sleep with him. You obviously have a bad start. No person has a right to go psycho on another person just like that.

Also, avoid being alone with him. He sounds like a person who can physically harm you.

[Bill3]

Personally, I find him disturbing as well. I would stay away from him.

[annabellacat]

Originally Posted by JustJenny

Completely agree with the above. How long have you known each other? If I were you I would stop texting/calling him. And don't invite him anywhere yourself.

1. You deserve a big apology from that guy
2. You deserve a better guy

It is normal that men want sex. When I and my now husband started dating, he would give me some hints. I would say "I am not ready for that" and he was accepting that every time. We had lots of fun together without anything sexual and that's what made me realize that the relationship was real and stable.

My advice - don't give in. He sounds like a person you cannot have a happy relationship with. There is a great chance you will feel "used" if you do sleep with him. You obviously have a bad start. No person has a right to go psycho on another person just like that.

Also, avoid being alone with him. He sounds like a person who can physically harm you.

We met once by working together about two years ago. We went on a date last summer. He asked me out for the first time last late winter or spring. We know some of the same people. He's pretty skinny guy. He gives a lot of red flags,but i wasn't going to have sex with him. He says sweet things like i'm the first girl he had a crush on when he moved here. It's just hard. I'm going through a low time right now and don't have many friends or anything so part of me just wants to to have him to hang out with for solace but just hanging out and seeing what happens.

[annabellacat]

Originally Posted by 2B/-2B

Man wants girl for sex, not for girl.
No sex, no longer nice, because all his deceptive charm to get you to bed isn't working as well as he planned.

Sounds familiar?

• If so, what would you tell your best friend to do in this situation? (you don't have to tell me, but think about it).
• If not, sorry to add further confusion to your drama.

I wasn't going to have sex with him. I would tell my best friend to stay away,he sounds creepy.

[annabellacat]

He says though he wants a relationship and that he wants to be there for me and would help me with my problems and take care of me. He has said a lot of things,too before trying to plan out our future back after our first date. Talking about going to California together and spending the summer together(this was last summer before we fought and stopped speaking) and doing all the things i want to do. He also has said he loves me. I wasn't sure i had liked him plus he seemed to be rushing involvement so that's why we fought and stopped speaking then we reconnected in December during the thick of a very hard time in my life. He feels like the only person who's been there for me.

[Bill3]

I wasn't sure i had liked him plus he seemed to be rushing involvement so that's why we fought and stopped speaking then we reconnected in December during the thick of a very hard time in my life.

I think you have a very good and accurate intuition that he is not a safe person. However, when you are feeling very needy he seem acceptable to you as you don't see any other options for yourself.

My suggestion would be to seek and find other options.

[JustJenny]

You said you had fights before. What did you fight about?

He sounds like a person who changes masks. Today he is nice and supportive and tomorrow he is mean and and out of temper.

[divine1966]

I'd stay far away from him

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[annabellacat]

Originally Posted by annabellacat

We met once by working together about two years ago. We went on a date last summer. He asked me out for the first time last late winter or spring. We know some of the same people. He's pretty skinny guy. He gives a lot of red flags,but i wasn't going to have sex with him. He says sweet things like i'm the first girl he had a crush on when he moved here. It's just hard. I'm going through a low time right now and don't have many friends or anything so part of me just wants to to have him to hang out with for solace but just hanging out and seeing what happens.

i forgot to add he also said he would wait a year to have sex with me if thats what i wanted recently.

[annabellacat]

Originally Posted by Bill3

I think you have a very good and accurate intuition that he is not a safe person. However, when you are feeling very needy he seem acceptable to you as you don't see any other options for yourself.

My suggestion would be to seek and find other options.

Yeah,i am needy. when he was first interested,I had liked someone else. Well,at least my best friend gave me a hug today. I'm also thinking of taking some kind of vacation to help myself feel better,but it's hard considering my anxiety issues to see what i can try to pull off. The funny thing is,i'm not usually this needy. I'm usually more detached.

[annabellacat]

Originally Posted by JustJenny

You said you had fights before. What did you fight about?

He sounds like a person who changes masks. Today he is nice and supportive and tomorrow he is mean and and out of temper.

He gets mad when he thinks i said we could hang out and it doesn't happen even though sometimes it's because he tries to make the plans last minute and because of my anxiety issues,last minute plans don't usually work out for me. We also fought because at first last year I wasn't interested in him,really but was kind of open to hang out just to see but I had liked someone else and it was fun but then he just got really clingy wanting to hang out again and I usually don't hang out with guys that quick after a date. Plus,he'd make sexual implications I didn't like. So,things like that. I like old fashioned courtship and admittedly I maybe did kind of string him a long a little bit at first but since December,I've had legit issues where I've had to heal from being sick and panic attacks and had to fix myself up again by catching up on sleep and touching up my hair,going to salon,things like that since i was insecure of how my looks got from stress of panics. He knew all this,too so I was open about it. Basically,I like patience and not being rushed and he likes rushing and makes sexual implications a lot,even more now then he did before. At first,it just seemed mostly "romantic" how he tried to be clingy and I thought maybe he was less experienced since he is slightly younger then me but during fights little things come out that are weird like it seems he will punish me for not meeting his deadline of wanting to meet by ignoring me or just going weird last night freaking out saying monday was my suggestion not his when i never said it was his. Today,though,I am mad because he I told him last night he showed his true colors and he replied what am i talking about and i said he just wants sex and gets mad whenever he doesn't get it and he was still standing by what he said saying I was crazy last night and I hate when people call me crazy. It makes me insecure. Then he tried complimenting a pic of me i posted online and acted like I should be really happy about that which was insulting so i told him one day i'll just disappear and no one will ever hear from me again because i was depressed about things and he just said okay. I think he is too immature for me.

[annabellacat]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I'd stay far away from him

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Yeah,i know. I am. It's just tbh hard to see him as dangerous. He's a skinny type guy,slightly nerd-ish. And,it's pretty difficult to meet people right now with my condition on top of the dramas going on in my life,and the fact that the few friends i've had have kinda disappeared. I may go to a meetup for a gallery opening with a female friend this coming weekend so that might be something to do to get out for a bit and meet people.

[eskielover]

Sex shouldn't even be a topic at this point!!!!!!! Sweet talking to get you into a relationship then it doesn't matter if you want to have sex after a year he feels like he caught you & can force you...or sweet talk you into agreeing to what he wants with no regard to what you want.

Honestly ALL the RED FLAGS negate any sweet talking & promises that come out of his mouth....don't bother even trying to include them into the picture...it's a waste of time & energy. He's showed his true colors while trying to paint you a rosey picture. All that crap about Calif...he's just trying to lure you into his trap. Don't be gullible just because you are desperate for someone to care about you....his words & his caring ARE FAKE. Don't waste your time trying to make them into something they aren't....you will only regret that decision probably sooner than later & end up feeling hurt in the process.

[Permacultural]

Originally Posted by annabellacat

I got into a fight with the guy i've been talking to who likes me because he wanted to come over and I wasn't ready. He was mad at me and things were said. I got mad at him being mad and told him he can't handle someone like me and he said he can and will handle me. He also said, because he was upset I was in his eyes "bailing" on him,for me to just go to bed? He said it twice,too. He said "Go to bed." It's like he is implying that I have nothing better to do and that I just sleep. I have been sleeping more because after a lot of panic attacks in fall and getting physically sick and still in December,too I needed extra sleep to heal and recuperate from all the stress. I'm just a little hurt he seems to be implying I have no life but it's because I've been having a hard time and he knows this. This sucks. What else could it mean if during a fight a guy tells you twice to go to bed and it's only 8pm on a saturday?

That totally sucks. I think it means that his personality isn't very nice and him telling you to go to bed twice is just disrespectful and unloving and uncaring.

[divine1966]

Him being skinny is kind of neither here nor there. Weight or looks are kind of irrelevant. He sounds like a total jerk. I am really confused that you are upset that your friend is possibly mistreated by his girlfriend even though there is no proof and no valid evidence yet you allow yourself to be mistreated by a total jerk whom you dont even know. He is inappropriate and actually might be dangerous. Please reconsider spending time with him

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