Judgemental husband....

Lots of thing changed since you started this thread on 2/8 ??.. I'm glad there has been such improvement.

Lots of change in JUST 10 days....I wonder how really permanent the change is? time will tell.

Christina, yes, lots of things have changed before I first posted on thist thread- I'm happier now than I was back then!

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This wasn't over a ten day span. This happened years ago. Sorry for any confusion. I don't know why I brought up the past when those issues have been resolved years ago. Sorry. I get to emotional at times, ugh!

I am really confused on the whole issue now. On 2/8 you said "yesterday" he called you weird unfriendly stuck up and silly and other things, and you even titled your thread " judgmental husband" etc etc and today apparently none of this is happening, everything is resolved years ago and things between you two are great. Same as others I am confused how things improved so greatly in just two weeks and how?

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Sorry about the confusion. First of all, yes, he still thinks that I'm "weird" and all of those other things sometimes. That hasn't changed. So from now on, I think it's best to now expect any emotional support from him as he'll only end up blaming me for not trying harder to fit in, ugh!

Anyways, he said those things to me after I told him about a meetup that didnt go so well as I stated. He acted like I should've just sucked things up and agreed to be in the picture despite my discomfort with it. He then told me that's why the women in the group rejected me.

Well, about those other things from the past regarding his friends and family, that happened in my 20's mostly. I'm now in my early 40's. I shouldn't have brought that up. I only mentioned it to explain how he's always had this attitude towards me, but those OLD issues HAVE been resolved.

The only thing that has NOT changed in 2 weeks time is his attitude towards how he perceives me. We are NOT having problems now. His attitude is just annoying and frustrating. Not to mention hurtful.

There is nothing that I can do about it though as he is a very black and white thinker who thinks that people should think and act a certain way, and that any deviation from what he perceives to be normal is "weird" and "wrong" to him.

So bascially his attitude is still the same. I no longer see his friends or family. The issue with the meetup was an entirely diferent scenario (the one that happened two weeks ago).

I hope that I was able to clear things up this time! I should've just stuck to the recent disagreement and issue on here in the first place. From now on I will.

So yes, he is still judgemental, and he will always be that way! That has not changed! Ugh!

Any that's NOT a problem????

Just because something isn't physical abuse doesn't mean that it's not emotional abuse especially if it hurts you as you say it does.

Why are you staying with him. He is down right abusive. Or you are just a bad match.

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It is sort of an issue, but it's not actaul abuse IMHO. It's annoying and frustrating, yes. He doesn't tell me that I'm "weird" or whatever all the time. He just brings it up when my actions don't match what he thinks it should, like with the pic incident.

He was just being honest with his opionion. He said that other people will think that I'm "weird" for not wanting to have my pic taken. He's a good husband in other ways.

He's reliable, he is honest, and we get along fine most of the time. He is just set in his ways. There is a difference there. Being very opinionated isn't abusive IMHO. It's just the way that he is. He's like that with everyone. He's quick to judge people and label them as being "weird" or something that is "weird", like how he thinks the food that I eat is "weird". Not being able to be emotionally supportive isn't emotional abuse exactly. It's neglectful, but not abusive.

He's just not good with emotions. It's like trying to get an emotional person like me to be stoic. It's just not who he is.

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I just wrot a reply to Eskie that explained all of that. He is not a bad man. He isn't abusive. He's just not supportive of me emotionally. I can deal with that as I have my friends, and this board.

He's always been stoic and emotions confuse and annoy him. He doesn't like to deal with emotions most of the time. That's just the way that he is unfortuantely. He has other good qualities that make up for that lack of empathy and not being able to support me emotionally. He is what some might call brutally honest, but he means well.

IMHO not being emotionally supportive is emotional abuse. Sure if it is your neighbor not emotionally supportive then it's whatever but I feel like if it is your husband then it is emotional abuse. I would have hard time with a man like that. But I might be wrong.

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It sort of can be. Like I said, that's just the way that he is. Stubborn and set in his ways. He has only been with one woman before me, so that and the fact that he grew up with people who were just like him in most ways, it makes it hard for him to relate to others who are different.

He's obviously not good with women. He's lucky that I'm paitient and that I don't rely on him only for emotional support. I'm kind of used to it since I got very little of it growing up. Thank god for my friends and this board!

He is a good provider, reliable, honest, funny, easy to be my real self around, tough, good at fixing things, etc...He doesn't really drink or do drugs either. his biggest vice is smoking. He is a hard worker too.

I wish that I could have it all, but let's face it, no one is perfect, and very few of us women have men in their lives that are emotionally supportive. I think that a lot of men out there don't like talking about feelings and emotions.

It seems like my husband is only capable of feeling the most basic of emotions such as hunger, tiredness, the need for shelter, and sex of course, lol! I'm not kidding, I don't think that he is truly capable of feeling any strong emotion most of the time, so for that, I'm going to cut him some slack. It isn't easy living with a man like him for sure! But things could be worse!

Just because I'm NOT good with kids (especially small ones) doesn't give me the RIGHT to be a BAD parent.

Just because your H isn't good with emotions doesn't give him the right to be hurtful to you. Part of the responsibility of marriage is learning about the other person & not forcing them to just accept you & their hurtful ways. It's to change & to be sensitive to the other person & if they TRULY LOVE you they won't want to be hurtful & will want to learn ways of responding to you that aren't hurtful. THAT IS WHAT TRUE LOVE IS ABOUT.....not just tolerating someone & dealing with them because they are basically good in other ways.

Marriage is 2 becomming one, not about being hurt because the other one is just a nice & good, insensitive jerk. Marriage is about growing & adapting & changing behaviors that hurt the other person if you want to have a truly happy & successful marriage.....& being from a different culture is NO EXCUSE for treating the other person badly. If there is true love they wouldn't want to in the first place & they would want to change if they knew their behavior was hurtful to you.

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I agree with what you said. I have basically stated that to him many times and that I told him that he needs to respect my boundaries and my feelings more and that I shouldn't have to always be pleasing him and other people when I don't want to. I told him that's not being selfish and that he can't force me to change.

Long story short, he finally let up, and he treats me better now. He is OK most of the time. He doesn't call me "weird" that often. Maybe he'll say that I eat "weird" foods as a joke, but I don't mind that. I call him a boring old fart at times, ha ha. That's how we are. I can't force him to listen to me, so I don't. At least he'll give me his honest opinion on things, good or bad when I ask him for it.

That'd be great if he were Mr. Sensitive, but he's not always like that. I have managed to teach him to be more thoughtful over the years, but he'll always be rough around the edges. I see your point. I'm just saying that he can't really change his core behavior.