[Macd123]

Valentine's Day oh fun - not. Hopefully I'll make it through the day. You know I've never had that much luck at love - the trouble is if you don't get it you end up like me -a miserable mess. I've never felt normal and always some sort of subspecies when it comes to romance. So I'm walking around and I see all these couples laughing and looking so content - I hate them! So here I am sitting in restaurant by my self and I can only see the dark side of the moon. It's been a looooooong time since somebody actually looked at me with any sort of attachment and I'm all rotten inside. I don't even want to talk about my confidence level because it is buried deep under a sad history. Holidays are killers - Christmas, New Years and valentines are all poison. So why did I decide to write tonight, well I'm not feeling well and the hole is deep. I know I don't want to be alone but what are the options? Thanks

Don't get harsh on yourself. You are not alone in this. I sometimes cry in Christmas and New Years, and romance is missing from my life, too. I am sure you will find what you are looking for, just you need to take the right steps. Watching people is not one of them

By the way, scientifically speaking, you cannot see the dark side of the moon

[Macd123]

Yeah I know I'm not alone in this but it sure feels like it. Part of the problem is that I think I fell in love with a much younger woman again (this is a theme on mine) but she didn't reciprocate. I have trouble reading signals because she seemed interested in the few conversations we had. Anyway she moved on and I didn't - now Valentine's Day. With my history I'm just so damn vulnerable to getting attached - it doesn't take much, a wink or two, and I think we're having a relationship. This is a hell of a way to live but I just don't think I have the experience, at this late date, to really know how to act or when something is real.

[divine1966]

Why don't you look fur friendships/ activities/take a class/hobbies/helping others/volunteering? If these things fall into place then perhaps relationship will.

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[unaluna]

Answer an ad looking for a sugar daddy.

[Ocean Swimmer]

Maybe get involved with the Internet dating game. Match owns okcupid and another but I think you register separately.
I've been communicating with the same person for Two and 1/2 years.
( except while I was ip)
He doesn't know about mental illness. I'm very selective to whom I share bipolar history.

[Macd123]

Thanks everyone - I know I should get out more but right now I feel like a hammer hit me in the head again. I'm so damn vulnerable to a kind word or two and this is sad and dangerous because I get attached with a wink of an eye. I've always felt that I view the world much different than "normal" people. For example, most people can shrug off rejection in a week or two - it takes me months. You think by now I would have the skills to navigate the situation but I don't and it hurts. I also don't have a real good perspective on how women communicate because they seem to be able to spent time with someone and not fall in love - I can't. If she's kind to me and smiles I'm done for - in the real world this is just a real bad trait. I just don't know how to distance myself and stay safe. Okay so now I'm in a recovery period without having any sort of relationship - the worst kind of recovery. I wish I could just be alone and happy - I'm usually pretty good at this but you still have to navigate the real world - that's where I get hurt because I lack experience. Change is hard and I've always been alone - I'll get off now before I sound like a broken record. Sad today☹

[divine1966]

I think it might help to break the pattern by seeking company of women closer to your age. You said you are in your 60s but previously went for girls in their 20s. It is recipe for disaster. How do you manage to spend any time with much younger women ? Like where?

Why don't you go for ladies closer to your age? You would certainly have better luck. I know single ladies in their 40s 50s and 60s. They are total fun! They aren't old in their looks or behavior at all and you might have a lot in common. I don't know what you have in common with young women

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[Macd123]

I know you mentioned this before and I got it. However, in this last situation she sort of leaned on me a bit and I thought she liked me. When we first met she was still in a relationship and so I was very casual about starting anything. But then she told me that I was the only person she really talked to and she told me a few very personal things (like she had panic attacks - join the club). I also gave her flowers a couple of times and she appeared to appreciate them. So over the next few months i talked a little more with her. One time I was gone for a week and she seemed thrilled to see me and said she really missed me. Okay so I'm weak and stupid but I kinda read these actions as a sign that she might want to be closer. Then she broke up with her boyfriend and didn't tell me until she started dating somebody else. By this time unfortunately I started to think about her a lot. The sad part is I think I scared her because I did sort of indicate that I'd like to see her more. Well she's been unavailable ever since - I think part of the problem is that I just fail to recognize certain bad signs. Also, I'm needy - not good at my age.

[healingme4me]

It's never too late to work on sorting through your attachment style, which seems to burden you on an emotional level.

Doesn't seem like you misread this latest woman's style, but I'm curious as to what prompted her to not reciprocate in kind. Reciprocal curiosity, but something I wondered while reading.

Certainly work through the attachment style, looking into attachment theory. Have you had any CBT? That could help. From there, maybe you'll feel a bit more confident that you'll not self sabotage?

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[divine1966]

It sounds like she does like you. Perhaps to have a conversation with etc it depends where you meet this woman. I agree with healing about therapy

I know I mentioned if before but I just don't understand your resistance to dating women closer to your age.

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May be she thought of you as a friend?! But even if she saw you as a friend she should have told you about her breaking up with her boyfriend?!! I suggest to move on with women -10 or so of your age. Try to use online dating sites if you have difficulties meeting women.

[Macd123]

I have to apologize because I sounded a bit harsh when you mention women my own age - no I'm not against that at all. Right now I need to get over this rejection thing because her not talking to me is chewing me up at the moment, i.e. not sleeping or eating - I'm too old for this I might have a stroke. Physically my body is really struggling with the fact that it can't have what it wants - I'm helpless until I get this under control. This is a horrible feeling and one that I went through about the same time last year. It's eerie because I keep feeling her presence - this needs to dissipate. What really bothers me is how fast her attention went from positive to ice cold. I've heard that women did this when they lost interest but to have it happen to you is a rude awakening - how can she just shut you out (ouch!). I need to iron this out because I'm beating myself up real good - thanks everyone and sorry if I was harsh.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Nickname

May be she thought of you as a friend?! But even if she saw you as a friend she should have told you about her breaking up with her boyfriend?!! I suggest to move on with women -10 or so of your age. Try to use online dating sites if you have difficulties meeting women.

I don't understand why does she need to tell she broke up with her BF? I am under impression she is a new acquaintance not long time friend plus he is very much older and not someone she regularly hangs out with . Why does she need to disclose such personal business?

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[divine1966]

Are you keep seeing her? Where does this interaction take place?

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[Macd123]

No, she's with a new guy. Usually we'd just talk at a coffee shop. Also we were friends on Facebook and chatted a bit on that. I don't know maybe she didn't think she was having the impact she did. But she seemed to enjoy my company. The reason I thought she was a possibility was because she seemed to feel comfortable sharing personal information with me - it's all so confusing and I ain't I high school.

[Trippin2.0]

I have a much older (almost 60y.o) male friend I confide in. He and his wife were my teachers in HS. That's how I met him....


Just because I'm comfortable confiding in Brian about my personal life doesn't mean I'm romantically interested in him.


Honestly he's a more a father figure, a mentor, always have been. If we were to meet up for coffee or lunch and he suddenly got it into his head that I was interested in him, I would probably have to head for the hills and shut him out too.


Things would be way to weird otherwise.


I'm just sharing my experience to show you that there are platonic reasons why a younger woman may confide in an older man, that she may not have meant to lead you on at all.


Since you are aware that you're a "gonner" as soon as a woman gives you positive attention, maybe its not a bad idea to get the intentions out in the open in the beginning.


That way you know right off the bat if she's interested in dating you or at least open to idea.


So sorry to hear you're hurting again.

[Macd123]

Yeah well you might be right. But like I said before I also gave her flowers and she never said I wish you wouldn't do that. Also, when we spoke sometimes I could see eyes sparkle and she would be a bit playful. Now I'm not an expert by any stretch of the imagination but I certainly read this as flirting. I'm probably living in a dream world but I can't deny the impact it had on me - I really started get excited about seeing her. I believe she knew I liked her and now I'm getting bitter because the way she went cold turkey on me. Of course I could have appeared needy to her and I know this can be the kiss of death but sometimes my emptiness gets the better of me. If she would have explained the situation to me I might feel better about it. Personally, I hope I never do this to anyone because it hurts. Of course that's my side of the story but I'm very sensitive which probably makes me a bit more honest.

[Bill3]

You could place a detailed ad on a dating website. You could state your age and that you are seeking a relationship with a 20-something woman. You might not get any responses, but anyone who did respond would know what they were potentially getting into. There would be no surprises or misunderstandings on either side.

[healingme4me]

I only turn icy cold if I've been done wrong. And even the biker dude gets luke warm due to needing to behave like a professional at work. Maybe her new bf is the possessive type?

I wouldn't let it eat at you. Seek out someone else.

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[A Red Panda]

Why did you give her flowers? If it was for her birthday or something she may have just thought it was sweet, something traditional that might be expected from an older man. She may have not appreciated them but been too polite to express it - many people are taught to not complain about being given a gift.

Your idea of her flirting? Eyes sparkling and being playful? That isn't flirting. Maybe it was when you were twenty, but it isn't now. Chatting in Facebook and going to a coffee shop are also in no way viewed as flirting.

You're right when you say you aren't in high school anymore. But she was in high school not that long ago. You are old enough to have been 40 when she was born, which although it's becoming more common it's still an older age to become a parent.

Most people aren't expecting or prepared to handle romantic interest from someone who is probably older than their parents - she would have just seen you as a sweet older man. Her distancing from you now is probably a sign that she has picked up on it and is uncomfortable.

Like others have said - join a dating site. Look for women closer to your age. Stop interacting with women so much younger than you because they are very very unlikely to reciprocate or even notice your intentions because it is so far out of their normal experiences.

[divine1966]

If she is a barista at the shop, she was certainly under no obligation to disclose anything to customers. She disclosed what she wanted to disclose and kept other things to herself, it is normal. She is chatty and friendly and it is normal. I am very chatty, it doesn't mean i flirt.

If she isn't actually working there , how did you even approach her

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[Macd123]

I talked to her this morning - I didn't really bring up what I had been going through. She said that we hadn't talked in a while and so we had a short conversation and it went well. I feel better and I'm just going to keep my distance because I'll start reading too much into the situation again. Thanks

No offense or anything, but if you're 60 and you're dating 20 something year olds, that's a problem right there. It's highly doubtful that you'll have much in common with them. Why not go after women closer to your own age? A 40 year old woman would be a better fit for you if you happen to like younger women.

Aside from their looks, what is it about them that is so appealing? You sound a lot like a couple of my old female friends. They'd fall in "love" with just about any guy that was close to their type who would say anything nice to them. All a guy had to do was tell them that they thought they were pretty, and they'd fall in "love". It was so sad.

And things got worse when these guys led these poor vulnerable and very desperate women on by telling them how they're interested in getting married and having kids, but it was all a lie just to get them in bed. They always fell for that crap. I think that they were in love with love and they were really lonely on top of that.

Maybe you're just trying to fill a lonely void in your life? It sounds like you have a fear of being alone, and maybe some self esteem issues. People who need other people to make them feel loved usually have self esteem issues. Hang out with friends if you're lonely.

It's never a good idea to get attached to someone so quickly. That tends to scare off most people. Get to know someone first before you decide that you're in "love" with them. Maybe you just really love the fact that someone is being nice to you and giving you a bunch of positive attention. That's not real love.

Also, there are lots of not so nice people out there that can spot a needy person from a mile away and end up taking advantage of them. Try to work on not being needy. It also tends to repel most people. I know that for a fact as I have been told that I was needy in the past by former friends. I try not to be to needy to others now, and most of the time, I'm not anymore.

Maybe you should see a relationship counselor to help you out with this issue.

[Macd123]

Well it wasn't that quick it was over a period of months. She is quite lovely and beauty is hard to deny. You're right I do need more romance in my life but I also keep forgetting how old I'm getting. I did counseling for years and after all the money and talking, well here I am. You know she's probably not perfect but it's hard to hold back the chemistry chaos inside. I'm not very aggressive at seeking companions and probably never will be so chance encounters are more important to me. I've always been a loner and have been outside the lines in society. I don't know if I'll change now. Going through a whole series of dating scenarios seemed daunting at 25 - now it seems horrifying. I have started to post art and photos on Facebook and Instagram - hopefully I'll get some attention there. Also, I'm here. Thanks.