On the extremes ...

I've noticed there is a pattern in my social behavior, which is true even in the virtual world. Namely, I am either completely withdrawn from others, and participating in or saying nothing, or I am talking too much and revealing too much information without control/filtering in a nonstop way, which ends of course by saying irrelevant and sometimes stupid things, let alone appearing naive (I am not stupid).

Both extremes makes me feel bad, and no doubt affect my relations with others. I don't know why I have this binary system. I need to find some balance between silence and withdrawal in one hand, and talking/participating reasonably and proportionately to the situation, and say just what is needed to be said on the other hand.

Anyone experiences something like that?

I think you're just over analyzing. What makes you think you talk and reveal too much? So what if you say irrelevant things? I don't think others analyze you as much as you do yourself. Maybe the times you are withdrawn are because that conversation doesn't interest you.

I have had experience with my saying things I regretted saying when with people IRL. Like I try not to gossip, and may I slip. Or I reveal something I didn't want them to know. So, I know what you mean.

Hello Nickname: Yes, I have some sense of this. At this point in my life I pretty-much just keep to myself. As I have written numerous times, here on PC, no good has ever resulted from me having anything to do with other people. And a large part of the reason for this is, I think, that I'm either withdrawn or I'm going at whatever it is I'm involved in at full bore. There just doesn't seem to be any middle ground for me.

I don't know, it seems to me that people don't like either extreme. If I don't speak or participate I will be considered arrogant and end up isolated and eventually depressed, and if I participate and speak too much I won't be taken seriously, and end up marginalized. I have the capacity to appear naive. I think part of it because I don't like hurting others, and ignoring them. Both are bad for me, too, as a result. There is a saying to Abraham Lincoln in this I keep remembering

I am not sure if keeping myself silent and withdrawn is a better option for me in light of the only other alternative.

Good to know that there are others in the same boat. But do you isolate yourself completely, or you make yourself available if others want to reach you? I tend to disappear completely, and think about this often.

Do your moods fluctuate as well? Not trying to diagnose you but trying to understand how and if these extremes coincide with your moods. I sometimes go through stages of being very chatty and overly animated and outgoing and pretty much go nonstop ( resembles hypomania) it usually happens after periods of high stress. I am never withdrawn but am pretty even the rest of the time. I am not diagnosed bipolar but do exhibit some signs of mild cyclothymia.

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Actually, I do have mood fluctuations, and my tendencies coincide with them. Yesterday I took the sanity test, and it appears that I have Bipolar II with hypomania.

I wrote yesterday on the bipolar forums that I usually feel down for 10 days to 2 weeks, and then experience some kind of unexplained mild mania (hypomania), and then go back to "normal" (by normal I mean I don't feel very sad as when I am extremely depressed, but I still lack motivation and interests mostly). I've noticed this cycle is repeated regularly, but I haven't tracked my mood explicitly as to report my mood fluctuations precisely. This also may explain my lack of concentration

I have lack of concentration. Racing thoughts and overall jumping from one thing to another. I rarely sit still. Nothing severe but it's something not only I but others notice too. It is usually stress related but not necessarily. Much of it is genetics. My dad can't sit still

I never feel low though and am not prone to depression. If I ever feel low it's due to something happened ( like death in a family or am in a bad situation and need to get out etc) but if never lasts much, one day and I am and running . I also never lack motivation (unless too tired and just need rest) I am more prone to getting anxious and obsessive over things. Although my t says sometimes depression manifests itself differently ( like you aren't sad per se but overspend or oversleep or overeat etc )

I do think you'd benefit from therapy though. If you just read on things online you'd think you have everything on this planet. Lol My therapist says many people exhibit symptoms of some things. It doesn't always mean it's bad enough to be diagnosed

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You are right. But I am hesitant to visit a therapist for several personal reasons.

I've managed my life reasonably so far, so I guess I can do it with more effort and vigilance. For me these names are just labels. I need to focus more on the symptoms and learn how to deal with them more effectively.

I agree it's just labels. Sometimes it helps to understand though why we do what we do so we can stop doing whatever is that we are doing.

I needed t to help me to kind of figure some things out so I started seeing her a year and a half ago. I am now seeing her only once in about two months just because she is fun to talk to but she was helpful to me when I needed it. I am going to stop soon as I really don't have the time .

I am sure you can manage just fine. Sometimes we can do better though with some professional assistance. And some people do truly need it to be successful.

My fiancée swears by CBT, he believes it changed his life completely. He doesn't believe he'd manage well without it. It's been years since he needed it and he probably never will again but he is walking advertisement for it. Lol

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One of the reasons I want to know by which label I might be characterized is just to pick the right self-help CBT book, and read it. I went to a psychiatrist once, and I took some medications, but I had some side effects and didn't benefit me. Besides, I didn't like the experience with him (he would stand up and open the door while I am still sitting and trying to talk), and in my culture mental illness is a taboo

Don't look at it as mental illness but as seeing someone to talk with. Plus no one in your culture need to know. Not their business.

My parents kind of looked at it funny too but who cares. Not everybody who sees psychologist or therapist has mental illness. Might want to experiment which medication works if that one didn't

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From your posts and comments I've seen on PC, I find you to be caring and intuitive. Are you assuming people think badly of you?

I have a cousin who is extremely isolated (like I am very sociable compared to him even though I am not that sociable), and stay at home with his parents, and dropped out of university. Basically he was picked on at school by other students. Once we suggested to his mom to take him to a psychologist to address his issues as his parents are not dealing with him very well. She replied: "now you think my son is crazy!!". It is not that easy, believe me. People eventually will know. We are not an individualistic culture as in the West, where individuals are entitled to their privacy, especially in small towns where familial relations are very strong.

Thank you. Partly I assume, and partly I feel. Like when I am engaged in a group conversation, which I hate by the way, I either refrain from participating and eventually withdraw from it, or engage in full speed without breaks and with high enthusiasm and too much information, which I feel drives others away, or I think they don't deserve to know because they don't appreciate it. And I feel bad, because I often disclose information I don't want to. But I cannot when I am engaged, as if my "mental control system" is not strong enough I do this in these forums, too. I think I disclose too much information, and make too many comments. So, when I think about this, I automatically think about the other extreme alternative; to refrain from participating. As if there is no middle ground for me.

I kind of see what you are saying. I think I could kind of relate. I either do something or I don't. I rarely just do a bit of something. Like i post on this forum obsessively. I probably will stop completely at some point. I can't just do a little of it. It is obsessive a bit. I am the same with my hobbies or my cooking or my reading etc I either do it obsessively all the time or not at all.

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But what about when you are engaged in a conversation in a social situation? Can you tolerate that you talk a little and be silent a little without breaking the conversation, especially if there are more than one involved?

I guess posting here has an obsessive element into it. I am tolerating it so far, because it makes me feel I am part of something, and that I might help someone even if I don't help myself. But the idea of leaving is always in my mind. In real life though, I usually choose not to participate, even if I am enthusiastic, because I know it won't end well anyway; like saying undesirable things, or being unappreciated, or disclose personal information or general information that is needless to be brought up. And of course, if not to participate, it is better to withdraw.

Singin my life with your words, Nickname!!

I never paid attention if I do it is real life when communicating with others. Not enough to bother me at least. I will pay attention to how I communicate and if there is any tendencies there

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Nickname, chronic stress (I think you have some) can affect you in strangest ways possible. Before I was diagnosed with burnout/adjustment disorder I thought I was bipolar (I think I even created a thread in the Bipolar forum). I had mood swings, but all of them were triggered by the things that were happening to me (Bipolar mood swings are mostly external factor-independent). I took a bunch of online tests for bipolar, depression and anxiety and all came back with "You are likely to have that".

I am not saying that you don't have a "real" mental condition, all I am saying is that you should rule out that what is happening to you is not just the effects of chronic stress first.

Here is a TED talk where the speaker compares burnouts to PTSD