Story of my life...feeling so low

Well my last one was in Oct 2015 and once again we just dated for a few months.

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I don't think you do anything wrong. You just go for wrong men and put up with unacceptable men. You are missing red flags

Your last one wasn't really a boyfriend but just on and off for years while obviously having a gf ( not you). Yiu could spend those years doing plenty of other things! You can learn that " on and off" means man isn't interested in anything serious. The minute someone attempts to disappear like this you shouldn't sit around waiting for him to come back. You should move on. This one immediately went to bed with you which is never a good idea etc in the future you'll know not to follow along. And he was rude. And married. Stay away from wrong men

I used to do just the same thing. Go for wrong men. I wish you find good therapist who can help you to break the pattern. I know you can!

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What about on and off for years the one that got engaged in Florida? I thought that was the last one. So he wasn't the last one? I am confused on a number of men.

I started to feel that you aren't reading our posts. You keep saying you don't understand why you heart keeps being broken. Many of us try to give you ideas why it's keep being broken. Do you not agree or you didn't read it? You didn't describe any nice men who are worth your time. You are describing men with whom it would never work as they aren't available for a relationship emotionally/ legally etc or they aren't interested in serious relationship. You keep saying you don't understand. These men are bad news from day one.

Your goal shouldn't be trying to keep men who are no good, your goal should be meeting good men. My opinion of course.

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No, the on and off one ended about a year or so ago, but I find out at Christmas that he got engaged to a girl that lives in Florida (he lives in the uk) then I met a guy online in Oct 2015 and that didn't last as he said 'we weren't right' then this one I met in Jan.

I do understand and I am reading your posts, but I'm very upset at the minute and just find it hard to believe it's all them. Surely nobody has this and I keep thinking it must be me.

I'm just so tired and sick of being upset. I feel angry all the time and my family don't even want me around anymore. I just feel like a bad person and I so want to just end it all - I've had enough

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My on and off partner I was with for a 2 years in total and then on and off for another 2 years, so 4 in total. His now fiancé only came into the pictur e just before we spilt up in 2014. He met her when he first went over there to look at buying property. He denies it, but I reckon he cheated on me and was thinking of leaving me for her, for about 6 months. We still keep in contact and have a bizarre relationship. He text me just a few weeks ago to say how scared he is about getting married and that a big part of him regrets leaving me and that he will always love me - it's ridiculous. I know we probably shouldn't talk, but recently he lost his best friend who was only 36 and so I messaged to say how sorry I was to hear about it and he messaged back saying how lovely it was to hear from me abc that he misses me.

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Many of us have/had relationship issues. That's why we speak to you. From experience.

I went for un available men too and jumped into it too fast too. I wish I went to therapy at younger age. You keep attracting unavailable men and you keep defending them and getting attached to them.

You need to figure out why and you don't need to rush and have one man after another. Now you are talking again with this man who strings you along for that many years. The guy isn't available yet you keep pursuing him. Just because he says he misses you or he regrets etc if he has a fiancée yet tells you how he loves you or other nonsense then he is a total jerk!!! He is engaged. It's inappropriate for him to make love declarations. He cheated on you and now cheats on her. The other one was married. Etc etc

You might need to look into better therapist who can help figure out why you do this?

They might not be all together bad guys. They just aren't available for you.

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Thank you Divine1966. I don't pursue him. I purely contacted him to say j was sorry about him losing his best friend, as we went through a lot and I just wanted him to know that I care. I never asked for him to tell me his misses me and still loves me etc abc I just replied to say that he has a fiancée now so he really shouldn't be saying that. He, like many of us, has his own issues and I know he shouldn't be getting married, but that is not my business and something he needs to work out in time. I just feel after all we went through that it's nice to be friends and there for each other. He has helped me through the break up and offers me advice from a male perspective, plus he knows me.

They all seem to have significant others, but yet I'm the one that gets used. Why am I never the one they want to settle with and love? I'm just the one they use and that makes me feel worthless

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That dude is a jerk He betrayed you big time, why are you still talking to him?

Thank you Divine1966. I don't pursue him. I purely contacted him to say j was sorry about him losing his best friend, as we went through a lot and I just wanted him to know that I care. I never asked for him to tell me his misses me and still loves me etc abc I just replied to say that he has a fiancée now so he really shouldn't be saying that. He, like many of us, has his own issues and I know he shouldn't be getting married, but that is not my business and something he needs to work out in time. I just feel after all we went through that it's nice to be friends and there for each other. He has helped me through the break up and offers me advice from a male perspective, plus he knows me.

They all seem to have significant others, but yet I'm the one that gets used. Why am I never the one they want to settle with and love? I'm just the one they use and that makes me feel worthless

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I have concerns similar to what others have said. But one of the biggest things that jumped out at me from your story is the repeated apologies for and regrets about saying what you felt. That's a BIG red flag for me. Feeling a constant need to filter your true feelings is dangerous. I know from experience that modifying your feelings to avoid others getting upset easily leads you down a path of being in situations and relationships in which you are not your true self. Working on my self-esteem and people-pleasing tendencies has left me a much happier person in a much healthier relationship. And it's my hope that you'll find the same. In the meantime, give yourself time to heal and love yourself. I firmly believe that every person comes into our lives to teach us a lesson, whether the relationship lasts or it doesn't.

My therapist says that if a man is a bad partner to you then he is a bad partner to everyone else too ( unless people made mistakes in young age and become better partners eventually). Why would you even want these men to end up with you? Personally if a man said "don't f.... argue with me" women should run for the hills. But you wished he stayed around. I know it hurts but you are better off

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You say that for once you wish YOU could make a relationship last....



It takes two to do so, until you avail yourself to a decent guy, there's not much chance of that happening.


One person does not s lasting relationship make.


Yes you've been hurt, we've all been there, it sucks wet rabid balls, but you can either wallow in your grief and blame yourself for every rotten man you've come across, or you can use the pain and the anger to motivate you into action.


Yes, pain and anger can be converted into energy.


That action being discovering what it is you need to do to attract and choose the right type of man.


The sooner you get started on the work, the sooner you'll see results.


Take care

Thank you to everyone for your support and advice. I promise you that I do take it all on board, even though it sometimes comes across that I'm being defensive.

I have tried so hard in the past, when online dating, to make sure that I pick someone suited to me and look out for the red flags, but sometimes I find it difficult to know when I'm just being oversensitive. I guess I tend to gloss over the warning signs because I do wonder whether it's me overreacting and because, if I'm honest, a huge part of me thinks "you can't afford to be fussy" but I guess it's all about having the confidence and self worth to walk away when I don't feel something is acceptable. I just don't know how I begin to start fully loving myself.

I don't want to say that I will never date a separated man again (because I feel everyone has a past and at my age of 32 the odds are getting higher) but perhaps I need to make sure they are officially divorced and been divorced for at least 2 years.

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I feel really lost this morning. Had a nightmare day with my family yesterday and my sister always makes me feel like I just get in the way and that she's the most important person in the family. My life just feels so weird at the moment and that I have no purpose. Yesterday I sat in my house all alone and I was really contemplating taking loads of tablets but I didn't know if it would kill me. I just don't want to do this anymore.

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Please see your doctor ASAP about being suicidal. Please call a doctor today

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But he will just try and convince me that my life is worth living and I'm tired of it

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I have spoken to my dr and looked into a different therapist. I've tried a few before abc have one currently but it just isn't working. Maybe I'm not right for therapy, but then what???

I feel like a lot of people dislike me and Think I'm just a failure. My parents only put up with me because they are my family but I think they've had enough abc don't want to deal with it anymore, nobody does and it's pushing everyone away which makes me feel worse. That's why I genuinely think I would be better off dead for everybody's sake, including mine

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Have you considered medication? Or hospitalization?

Your parents care about you but they can't do much about it as you are an adult. I don't think people are better off without you.

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Yes I'm on medication. My parents said not to get sectioned or whatever they call it when you go into hospital as it goes against you.

I realise I'm an adult, but just because I am doesn't mean I don't need support

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I just can't do this anymore. I feel like my life will always be this constant battle. People say it's all up to me and I can change things, but how am I supposed to do that when I'm mentally ill and I'm my own worst enemy. It's like voice that says 'just give up, because you're a joke abc you will never change'

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Perhaps your Meds need to be adjusted? They don't seem to be working.

You do need support but it's not always easy to provide support. I don't know how your parents could help. They might not know how. I would ask your doctor. As a grown woman you don't need to go by what your parents say though. Just because they say hospital is bad it doesn't mean it is

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Perhaps. I'm just tired of this struggle and that's all I know right now.

It might not be easy for them to provide support, but it sure as hell is not easy to live with wanting to end your life. I've been down this road so many times and I don't have the strength to fight it anymore

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If you repeatedly feel suicidal then you need serious medical treatment ASAP. Your parents can't fix it. If your doctor refuses to help take yourself to the hospital

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Please ask for help right away from your doctor or the hospital. You could also call the National Suicide Hotline, 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Please ask for help. Life can be better.

She is in UK. They must have their own hotline numbers. I agree though call the line or go to the hospital ASAP

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