How to curb stupid urge to eml a dead horse?

You know. King of the sack at least I don't have to shave his back

We used to eml back and forth 3-6 X a day.
I'm not a teenager. I should be able to think like a grown up.
But there's something missing from my day.
How to fill?
I don't even remember how I met him.
Sometimes I shop around for people who may want to stay on my ranch when I'm not here as caretakers.

I'm depressed.

Ahh yes I did read your other post about this man. I would just cut contact with him since you ended up not being pretty uninterested. Try finding a different buddy to email. Catch up with old friends. Or if you're looking for another casual hookup then try a dating site. However in your situation, being married and all, I don't think that's the best thing to do. But if you have an open marriage and hubby is ok AND aware then chat away. No judgement here! Different strokes for different folks I guess

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Maybe this is just my personal viewpoint here, but I think you may be trying to fill a void in your life with casual hookups. Then again, who am I to judge? If you want a guy on the side and hubby is okay with it, then go for it.

Thanks. I was actually looking for a full time partner.
So it's going to be hard to start from scratch. But. Thank you for your good advice.

My husband has a relationship. With his ex wife's sister. I don't know what they do, where they go or anything about it.

I tell him about men friends but not how close or not close they act.

I hear you. I have been in that mindset when I was dating after my divorce. And more times than I care to count.
My marriage of 20 years was totally unfulfilling on the emotional and sexual fronts. I fixated during 10 of those years on my painting teacher, who was a cad Svengali type of character who seduced all the female students. The least bit of attention from him had me fixating on him for a whole week till I could get there to the next class. It solved itself when he married one of the other female students, and I moved with away to another state with my then husband. Like you say, I too was depressed.

I continued to fixate on contact with defunct dating partners after the marriage. Wondering what went wrong, maybe I could "fix" it! Looking back now, I realize I was miserable, trying to bond with these men I met on the dating sites. It was, honestly, one user loser after another, and humiliating. I eventually bit the bullet and forced myself to stop it!

In retrospect, it was like an addiction...heck, it WAS an addiction. A counselor told me early on that what I was doing was as addictive as any hardcore drug addiction. Breaking the cycle was tough.

You may not want to stop. That's fine, but just know I do identify with much of what you've said.

Hmmm. Maybe you should just end the marriage. Sounds like both parties (i.e. you and hubby) have all but separated anyways. Is that a possibility? Then you can pursue a relationship without anything holding you back.

I've been divorced for 15 years now. I left once my daughter left for college. It was amicable. I've never regretted it. Some of the men I met afterwards, though, I can definitely say I regret!

Yeah everybody needs a purpose in life. But why a man?

Take some online tests and see where your interests and talents are. Make a commitment. I think this is what we women are going to have to do with this part of our life. Either we get sick and die, or we help with grandkids, or we are free to do what we want.

I went back to college for my M.A. degree. It was challenging, all-consuming, and very rewarding.

I play a know-it-all on P.C. Ditto!

Interesting, though I was addressing the OP. Maybe I should have specified.

Ah, thanks, my mistake.

Get busy with other things in life. Don't have to devote your life to men. Now nice satisfying men yes, but if they are not that exciting then try to find other things.

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I love men. They complete me. They make me feel self esteem. I've had loads of long term relationships that have enriched me and given me a reason to live.
If you have bipolar you know sometimes you feel you have no reason to live.
My surfer friend is coming to CR soon. He's normal. Big and hard. No work.never done him. But he's a free spirit. Lives part time in Bali. Has a killer body.
Lives in Texas part time. Thinks I'm beautiful. And smart. And sexy.

Oh. Known him for 3 yrs. that's my pattern.
You guys who think I do one night stands. I came from a different generation.
Even though the hair back and I did it after 2 1:2 yrs of eml and 2 days together here. I don't consider it a one night stand even though it was crummy.

Sorry, but eventually you're going to crash hard.

I wholeheartedly agree with seeker on this one. You need to be happy and love yourself before you can love anyone else. Men shouldn't be your reason to stay alive, but a means to enhance the wonderful life you already have.

I know I should love myself more.
With my current med combo, it's been harder. And I am a little ashamed of the weight gain.
I know. A person is who they are inside.
It's still hard.

I love men too and love to be in a relationship and also struggled finding right men ( had loads of men lol just not rights ones). But I never thought they complete me. In what sense? I am happily engaged now but I am as complete now as I was when I was single. I am the same person. I think concept of needing men to complete us is flawed in s long run .

Also to all honesty if you want great relationship you might need to become single. I doubt truly great single men would go for it knowing you are married.

Don't worry about weight. Unless you are morbidly obese and unhealthy and can't walk due to weight most good men don't care. Heck some even like bigger women

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In retrospect, a lot of the behavior you describe (and I've been there too) is hormonal/emotional in nature. We are, after all, mammals.

More specifically, re/what Divine just said, you are married, so meeting someone of quality is probably out the window from the start. Get yourself free before meeting prospective partners.

I have a zillion interests.
Storage Depot self storage business.
The cottage needs painting. I need to hook up to city septic.

House on Lake Naci. Never finished all the earthquake repairs. I left for 6 months and there were 43 cracks when I returned. The kitchen needs to be remodeled. Need new carpet and drapes.

House at the beach needs crown moulding. New interior doors and trim.
Wallpaper needs to be repaired. Need new drapes. Have the fabric. Just need to design and have seamstress sew and install.

The ranch here in Costa Rica has a bunch of unfinished projects especially in the new house.

My husband wants to sell my jeep and I think I'll gift the big GMC if my worker comes to the USA from CR.

I need to do my continuing education for my brokers Licence.

I have so much to think about its crazy. But I want to think about a man who satisfies me.

Like the others said. Get single before pursuing a relationship with anyone.

I'm going out on a limb....why does she need to be single if it has actually been working out?

As though to say the single scene is oh so great? Plus sounds like some financial benefit for living apart with just a piece of paper floating between them? He's out and about, too. It sounds like he is...

Edit: and I personally believe the contract between OP and husband, considering bipolar is part of the equation, may help curb being swindled.

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I am not per se saying she must be single if this arrangement works, but she wants to be with a man. In my experience most available men of a nicer nature would hesitate to go out or be intimate with a married woman for number of reasons.

I am not sure there is a contract if husband doesn't know of other men. If it is open marriage where he knows then it's different but even then it's much harder to find a nice guy ( even just for sex) if you are married.

Overall if this works for both then it's good, but just harder to find anyone to go out with being married etc

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The first part sounds like "find yourself a nice man, dearie". I'm under the impression that Ocean Swimmer is looking for a long term companion, plus the free spirited guy is on the horizon, the buff one.

The Contract is....the Marriage License. Has some bind come tax season, even if they file separately? Maybe there's an accountant involved?

There's people out there that do prefer the lack of pressure due to an estranged marriage. No pressure to combine resources nor commit. My impression is they live apart, although they have a marriage contract via their marriage license?

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