[bellaluvluv]

Hello everyone,
I hope everyone is doing well. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. He is a big gamer. I knew he was a gamer when we met but since moving together I have notice it's a problem. I work from 7AM TO 330PM everyday. He will literally game all morning until the following morning. He may take a break to come in the room and say hi to me. Lately I have been feeling extremely extremely lonely. I spoke to him about it several times and most of the time he gets upset and irritated about it. I even asked him "you don't think there is nothing wrong with gaming all day and not spending anytime with me?" Yep you guessed it he does not. He thinks the 5 min, 10 min, or 1 hour is enough out of a 24 hour day. If he does spend the day with me he will literally games all day everyday for a week and say "but I spent Saturday with you". At this point it's extremely annoying. I resent him a lot because of it and honestly I just feel like either moving back home or getting my own place. It's really hard to communicate with him because he does not understand. He always says things like "but we live together and I see you all the time" I get sooooo irritated when he says that. It has come to a point where I miss my prior relationship because I never had a problem like this before. My last relationship was very different. We talked to each other and was with each other often. I'm surprised he noticed me pulling away from him. Lately I just been going to moms house a lot and occupying my time to get him off my mind. But I'm doing it in such a resentful way. I really need help with this. I really do care and love him but I feel like if things don't change I may have to say goodbye. I just feel like I don't have time for this.

Thank you reading I hope to get some good advice

[Bill3]

If he does not see that there is a problem and he is not willing to get help or work on the problem, then I am afraid that there is little that can be done to change the situation.

How does he get by financially? Is he making a financial contribution to your household? Does he do chores or make any such contribution?

[bellaluvluv]

He lost his job so all of the financial responsibility falls on me. Your right if he doesn't see anything wrong with our situation he won't bother to change anything. I know what I have to do.
Thank you

I have a gaming problem as well. Maybe you should speak to him about getting help for his problem, even though he denies it is a problem at the moment. He will thank you for it.

[Artchic528]

Only he can decide to get help for his gaming addiction.

I would consider leaving him. I know it's hard, but if he refuses to admit he has a problem, little can be done.

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by bellaluvluv

He lost his job so ...

Right there it crossed from just an obsessive habit to something much worse. You can't support that and handling the financial part is enabling his destructive patterns.

I think you need to tell him that he needs to get help and you'll help in through it (getting therapy and a new job, etc) or he needs to get out because you can't support self-destructive behaviors like that.

[divine1966]

Well they say when you are off work you need to spend as many hours a day trying to secure employment as if you were working. It could include job fairs website search updating resume making appointments with vocational agencies updating online job applications or perhaps taking classes in something useful. Out of job person has no business playing games all day.

If my fiancée lost his job I am not going to kick him out but if he spends all day playing I would be gone in a heartbeat. No way. I wouldn't support a man who sits on his butt all day

He only does it because he can. If you didn't support him he'd go get a job. Give him ultimatum

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[Xaldin]

I'm a big gamer myself, have been since I was little. But even I know I have responsibilities as an adult. If I lost my job, I'd do what I can to get another one... so I can afford my stuff for gaming. Plus me being prideful, I wouldnt mooch off some one if I had a relationship.

But there is something I would like to state. Not all big gamers are addicts. Hell, in this day and age it can be your job via livestreaming, videos, or professional competitions.

Anyways for me personally gaming is my passion in life. Believe it or not, they are the reason I'm actually alive right now. I've dealt with alot of crap...

In terms of finding a girlfriend/wife/mate/partner etc, unless they are a gamer themselves I would find it quite hard to imagine that it would work out. Don't get me wrong.. I wouldnt be the type of spending like 10-30 min a day or "I see you everyday or I just saw you Saturday" type of guy. I would definitely set aside time for the relationship. Ideally it would be also great to game together. But if I ever get some one that expects me to focus on just them and/or attempts to make me cut out completely(Like pulls the it's either me or this). Trust me, no need to make the "hard decision" of dumping. I'll gladly do that for you.

Okay, rant complete. LOL

[Yoda]

Originally Posted by divine1966

If you didn't support him he'd go get a job. Give him ultimatum

...

[Scotty204]

I used to be a big gamer but as I got older responsibilities took priority over gaming. Work & house chores became my #1, relationship #2, and gaming became just a past time. If he is unwilling to change his ways by giving you the time you deserve and get a job then I'd say it's time to move on.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by bellaluvluv

Hello everyone,
I hope everyone is doing well. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. He is a big gamer. I knew he was a gamer when we met but since moving together I have notice it's a problem. I work from 7AM TO 330PM everyday. He will literally game all morning until the following morning. He may take a break to come in the room and say hi to me. Lately I have been feeling extremely extremely lonely. I spoke to him about it several times and most of the time he gets upset and irritated about it. I even asked him "you don't think there is nothing wrong with gaming all day and not spending anytime with me?" Yep you guessed it he does not. He thinks the 5 min, 10 min, or 1 hour is enough out of a 24 hour day. If he does spend the day with me he will literally games all day everyday for a week and say "but I spent Saturday with you". At this point it's extremely annoying. I resent him a lot because of it and honestly I just feel like either moving back home or getting my own place. It's really hard to communicate with him because he does not understand. He always says things like "but we live together and I see you all the time" I get sooooo irritated when he says that. It has come to a point where I miss my prior relationship because I never had a problem like this before. My last relationship was very different. We talked to each other and was with each other often. I'm surprised he noticed me pulling away from him. Lately I just been going to moms house a lot and occupying my time to get him off my mind. But I'm doing it in such a resentful way. I really need help with this. I really do care and love him but I feel like if things don't change I may have to say goodbye. I just feel like I don't have time for this.

Thank you reading I hope to get some good advice

You met him and he was a gamer. Gamers do this. My suggestion, sadly is to move on. The last thing any person, male or female should do is change the other person for their own benefit. If you already appealed to him about this and he is not willing to do anything differently then that is really all you can do. You cannot make him change his habits, only he can.

Possibly your walking out will do one of two things. Either he sees that he should spend more time with you and gaming isn't worth losing you over or you find out that this is what he wants to keep doing and it would be fruitless for you to continue to try and change that. That's about the only action I can think of to change things.

on another note, when you met him, did you not realize that gamers, much of the time place a high importance on their games and spend a lot of their time playing them?

[Rose76]

He may be living in the fantasy world of gaming partly because he wants to escape worrying about being unemployed. He's regressing to a teenage state of mind - a young teen, that is. Stop supporting him, or he will have no incentive to grow up.

[phyllis78]

Gaming can divide any relationship especially if both parties aren't interested in it. And it is true, that not all gamers have an addiction to gaming. For some people, gaming is a way to decompress from a hard day at work, just like those people who go to the gym or go on a long walks to decompress.

However, if gaming takes the place of normal day to day activities it can become a strain on any relationship. If your boyfriend has lost his job, perhaps extreme amounts of gaming is his coping mechanism. He may also be having a hard time dealing with the fact that he doesn't have a job. So, it's easier to just game and avoid life. He may also be having a hard time processing the fact that he isn't contributing to the relationship financially. However, if gaming was something he did prior to loosing his job, then it's a behavioral issue that will probably not go away (especially if its a passion).

For the job hunt, it is true that when looking you need to spend the time as if it is a full time job. Perhaps you could encourage him to find a new job, or mention to him that there might be job fairs in your area...etc. Ideally, you would want him to work to help out with the bills and rent.

Maybe talk to him, on his time, about you moving back home. You could mention to him that you are starting to feel the financial strain with him not working. Of course, if you get any sort of positive response from him, it may prompt him to start looking for a job.

You may need to consider telling him that his excessive gaming is taking the place of you, and you feel that it isn't fair. And for long term, do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who does nothing but game?

I honestly have no issue with gaming in moderation, but when it takes the place of someone it becomes a problem.

And is he the one for you? I can honestly tell you that gamers will be gamers will be gamers. The best relationship for gamers is to be in one with another gamer.

[Lazarus16]

Dear Lord, if I was in his shoes, I SOOO wouldn't be able to look at myself in the glass anymore. He doesn't realise all the luck he has to have such an extraordinary girlfriend such as you, I'd do so much just to be in his shoes. Where are you, girls?? All the girls I meet in real life want me for my money and it's not really furfilling... :/ If I relly was in his shoes, I'd work and I'd pay for the rent and I wouldn't game so much. Jokes aside, he clearly has a gaming problem. It has become an addiction and this is an issue that must be looked at otherwise he will never change and you will always endure/pay for his destructive behavior. I say give him some chances to get help, if he doesn't do anything, give him an ultimatum and if there's no hope, leave him. It's sad it had to come to this, it's tough what I'm proposing you to do but it has to be done, otherwise you won't wouldn't be posting on these forums. So sad guys can get awesome girlfriends and don't even realise it, so sad.